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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find this comment from a colleague odd?

51 replies

KitKat1985 · 07/07/2019 15:57

Male colleague: I didn't sleep well last night, it was so hot.
Me: Yeah I was really hot last night too.
Male colleague: Yeah well you shouldn't have been having sex all night then.

I have never mentioned sex in any prior conversation. I didn't really reply but it felt an odd 'joke' to make. AIBU?

OP posts:
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 07/07/2019 15:59

YANBU, inappropriate and weird. What's he like generally?

SrSteveOskowski · 07/07/2019 16:00

YANBU. He sounds creepy Hmm

bridgetreilly · 07/07/2019 16:01

Report to HR or his line manager. Totally out of order.

MissMogwai · 07/07/2019 16:06

Weirdo. Report him for being massively inappropriate.

RedSheep73 · 07/07/2019 16:06

That sounds really off. I hope you did a shocked face and a 'what did you just say?'

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 07/07/2019 16:07

He totally misjudged that didn’t he....

CarrieBlu · 07/07/2019 16:09

Sounds like a shit attempt at being funny. He’s clearly not funny, at all.

Original poster
KitKat1985 · 07/07/2019 16:15

Reluctant to report it really as I was alone in the office with him at the time so it would be mine word against his if I reported it as inappropriate. He can be a tad 'odd' at times. It just made me feel a bit awkward. It was probably meant as a joke but just felt an odd comment to make.

OP posts:
constantlyseekinghappiness · 07/07/2019 16:18

I’ve never understand this need for witnesses and ‘my word against his’ attitude.

If it made you uncomfortable or you consider it inappropriate then report it to someone.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 07/07/2019 16:19

I suppose it depends on your work environment (ie in mine it is standard for shit jokes but it’s entirely dependent on people) and how you felt about it. You must have felt uncomfortable enough to post about it, why don’t you mention to another work colleague for their perspective?

Original poster
KitKat1985 · 07/07/2019 16:21

The problem is I work in the NHS and I know from experience that without a witness it would just be considered a 'not enough evidence to take any further' issue, so not worth stirring up a hornets nest unnecessarily for someone I have to work a lot with. I was just wondering if I was alone in finding it a weird 'joke' to make.

OP posts:
VenusTiger · 07/07/2019 16:22

It’s a poor chat up line that’s for sure. He’s also playing on the word hot, but I’m sure you got that.
If you didn’t respond, chances are he’s feeling really embarrassed now.

EleanorOalike · 07/07/2019 16:24

Is it a clumsy attempt to find out if you have a partner?

Odd and inappropriate whatever he meant by it though! It’s a shame your work wouldn’t take it seriously.

dollydaydream114 · 07/07/2019 16:25

Creepy and inappropriate.

Hecateh · 07/07/2019 16:29

odd and weird

KeepFuckingOff · 07/07/2019 16:30

Ewww. I hope you gave him a Hmm face at least! I used to work with a bloke who was terribly inappropriate all the time and used to find some sort of sexual innuendo in anything, in front of management I told him he was a disgusting pig and I was sick of hearing his crap. The manager tried to tell me to calm down! I made it very clear I would not and asked why it was so acceptable to be inappropriate around colleagues but so unacceptable to call someone out on it? She didn’t have an answer for me Confused

Bwekfusth · 07/07/2019 16:31

Idiotic thing to say. I hope as soon as he said it he internally cringed and wanted to punch himself repeatedly in the face.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 07/07/2019 16:32

Surely "what the fuck is wrong with you ?" is the only reasonable response to that.

Male privilege and more than a bit of creepiness.

Women shouldn't have to deal with this shit any more.

NigellaAwesome · 07/07/2019 16:34

Sounds like he was setting you up for this. Next time he tries something say that's really inappropriate, if you ever speak to me like that again I'm going to HR. Or even better, say it and follow up by email.

He'll do it again because this time he was resting for your reaction. Might also be worth having a confidential word with your manager so that this incident has been noted.

Original poster
KitKat1985 · 07/07/2019 16:36

He knows I'm married (he's single). I'm sure it was just a bad attempt at a joke, but I found it a bit inappropriate and creepy.

OP posts:
bingbongnoise · 07/07/2019 16:44

I agree with a pp. 'What the fuck is wrong with you?' is the only response here.

I have had shit said to me in the past by disgusting pervy men who think they're funny, and love to see women squirm with embarrassment, and make them uncomfortable. If you had gone red, he would have loved the reaction he got, and would probably have got a semi from it.

IME, it's usually married men who do this, but whether they are married or not, they are usually looking to either embarrass the woman, or have a fling with them (or both.)

@KitKat1985

He is a vile pig. NEXT time, tell him to go have a wank in the loo if he is that pervy and horny, and then report him to HR.

TwinkleWings · 07/07/2019 16:44

Really shit joke and totally inappropriate. He's probably cringing at himself (hopefully!) especially as you didn't laugh

Rachelover40 · 07/07/2019 17:00

I'd have told him he'd crossed a line with that remark, if I had the presence of mind at the time and not frozen. Hindsight is all very well, it is so difficult to know how to deal with 'jokes' in poor taste when they occur.

I hope he never says anything like that again but if he does, you'll know what to do. Always have your metaphorical armour on.

mussolini9 · 07/07/2019 17:07

At least you are now prepared for next time. Cos there's always a next time with these creeps.
Get ready with a withering glare, & a sharp request that he refrains from innuendo. Tell him that if he does not, you will be keeping a log, & reporting.
Do not rise to his inevitable attempts to minimise & tell you that you cannot take a joke. Respond that it's not a joke, it's unfunny & inappropriate, & that he is to stop doing it.

Fruittreeorchard · 07/07/2019 17:13

Unless he is a known for being a grammar pedant, (and was clumsily pointing out the difference between him saying IT was hot weather, and you saying YOU were hot) he is a weird pervert, and should be called out as such.