Splitting Finances

[Lydiaz]

DH and I currently put both our wages into one account and all are outgoings come out of that. Sometimes though, finances are a bit of an area that perhaps causes some resentment.

So, if we didn't pool everything into one account and we kept our finances separate, what is a fair way of doing so?

For context, DH earns significantly more. He does have more outgoings, however. I work PT but do so to look after our child three days a week.

We aren't likely to change our current set up but just wondered what it would look like if we did. Not sure if there's an element of BU in here or not but wasn't sure where else to post.

I don’t think it’s possible to split finances according to earnings once one person has taken time off to care for a child. If you ‘pay’ that person for childcare out of the household budget (near us, childcare is about £60 a day for a ten hour day, but given my DH is often away or out of the house for longer than ten hours) you could maybe economically acknowledge your contribution to the household. It’s very hard to put a figure on it but make sure you’re efforts aren’t shoved under the carpet just because they aren’t bringing in as much money.
You will be better off in a few years when childcare isn’t so expensive.

His personal outgoings are £800 but that does include essential things like maintenance, travel, etc So, it's not something he can change, nor do I expect him to, obviously. I did mention to him, however, that his personal outgoings far exceed mine and he seemed to take offense and then tried to suggest that childcare costs were MY personal outgoings rather than a joint outgoing because they are paid so I can work.

We do have a joint account and all wages are paid into this and all outgoings come from this so nothing is currently classed as a "personal" outgoing.

But you obviously do both class things as 'personal' spends. Travel is joint, childcare is joint.

Is it realistic to sit down and have a conversation about expectations towards spending? You can discuss what is joint, tot it all up and see what's left. What is left will be split 50/50 for truly personal spends like coffee, work lunches etc.

I don’t think it’s fair to class his maintenance and travel as personal spends. Aren’t they essential bills? TBH I can see why he said childcare is your personal spend if you think his travel to work is a personal spend.