Splitting Finances

[Lydiaz]

DH and I currently put both our wages into one account and all are outgoings come out of that. Sometimes though, finances are a bit of an area that perhaps causes some resentment.

So, if we didn't pool everything into one account and we kept our finances separate, what is a fair way of doing so?

For context, DH earns significantly more. He does have more outgoings, however. I work PT but do so to look after our child three days a week.

We aren't likely to change our current set up but just wondered what it would look like if we did. Not sure if there's an element of BU in here or not but wasn't sure where else to post.

We have been married 45 years this year, and from day 1, we have always pooled our money. All bills and outgoings paid from joint income, personal allowance each, and balance into joint savings, although we didn’t have much spare in the early years.

IIRC my wife was earning slightly more than me when we first got together, but also in later years took time out to be SAH mum, so there was only my income to use. It would never have occurred to me that this was unfair, as we were a partnership.

We are now both retired, and both receive a state pension, plus I receive private pensions, because I was able to develop my career whilst my wife looked after the children. My private pensions are probably about £5 to £1 in relation to the state pension, but we still operate the same system.

I suppose with finances so tight and being a lot less comfortable than we have been before with no money for personal spends it becomes a bit of a sore spot for both of us. It irritates me when DH harps on about cutting down the food bill and going on about how hes cut out his favourite treat drink but I'm yet to do so, making it known what an issue it is for him, etc. How he's pissed off that I'm still buying it. Yet, his personal outgoings are over £500 more than my personal outgoings. Probably am BU as his are mostly necessary but all the same. Lack of income is the real problem. Cutting back, cutting back, and more cutting back only goes so far. My low earnings are an issue with but cost of childcare my wages would barely cover this if I went FT.

What are his personal outgoings and why are they £6k a year?

Sounds like you need to sit down and hash out a budget. Splitting proportionally doesn’t address the issue that your family income is stretched.

Is your DH of the view that he’s a high earner so should be able to afford drinks after work / nice clothes / etc? Has he realised how your outgoings have been impacted by having a child?

I recommend YNAB (you need a budget) as a good way of getting a handle on your income vs outgoings. Ensure any outgoings for DC are included inc buying presents for them and for their friends, clubs, clothes, toys, nappies, milk, etc, are all included - not just the nursery fees.

Sympathy, OP. It's tough for both of you. Yes you both need to economise, but you also need to keep being kind to each other and try to avoid the blame game.

We basically pool all of our money, pay all outgoings, give ourselves each the same amount for 'spending' money weekly and put the rest into our individual savings.

I think you need to work out if you don’t have enough money for basics or if your spending is out of control. If you are happy to outline your income and expenditure people are very good at spotting things that could help.

I work part time and DH earns more than me. We give ourselves the same amount of “pocket money” as a kind of personal allowance each month. Everything else goes in a joint account, so DH contributes proportionately more to the joint funds. We use our pocket money to pay for stuff that’s purely for our own benefits eg our own clothes, nights out with our own friends, also occasionally treat each other to a meal out or present from those funds. Kids clothes, holidays as a family, bills, mortgage etc all joint funds. You shouldn’t be left with less spending money for yourself because you work less if you’ve both agreed that one of you should do that for your children

Have you looked at ways to cut your essential outgoings by looking for better deals elsewhere? Even if you can save a fiver a week on a better deal it mounts up, especially if you can do it with a few different things. Check out electricity, gas, car, home and life insurance, look at how you shop, do you make meal plans and shop accordingly? Do you have subscriptions that you could do without like prime, Netflix and Spotify? List everything you spend and ask if it’s worth it.
As a cash boost measure, have a clear out and sell what you don’t need, use or want.

My husband works full time and brings home about £3'000 a month.

I work part time and bring home about £1'300 a month.

Both our wages get paid into our joint account.

£400 of that is then transferred into his personal account and another £400 is transferred into my personal account.

Every household expenditure comes out of our joint account: mortgage, all bills, shopping, car and petrol costs, mobile phone bills, childcare and anything else that is in some way related to either the family, the house, or the children.

My husband brings home more than double what I do but he would never suggest we split finances just so that he could have more money as a result of him earning more. Our money is completely shared.

What suggestions has your husband given regarding how he wants things to be split financially?

@QueenofmyPrinces your way (to me at least) seems to be the fairest of all

Weirdly me and my OH earn roughly the same, so we just put half of our outgoings each into an account which covers bills etc; however if this wasn't the case we have discussed we would have a joint account and approach it how you are. If you do go to just paying half etc then he probably needs to support you going back to work full time, or be willing to pay more than half so you have some money for yourself as well. You are saving him money by looking after your little one a few days a week rather than childcare (which hopefully you enjoy as well, I know it's not all about the money!)- so you shouldn't ever be put into a position where you miss out because of that.

If there's no money left over how are you still buying your drink that your DH can't afford ?

What are personal outgoings? Debt? Child maintenance? If these are things that have to be paid then I'd consider them joint outgoings. If he's spending £500p/m on cycling (it's always cycling on MN) then he has to cut it back.

I earn more than DH by a lot - his wages and mine go into a joint account - mortgage is split 50/50 and then the other bills probably 70/30 because he earns a lot less. I cover the bulk of childcare costs and then he gets a set amount of money per month which is his "spending" money and I get whatever is left which changes depending on what other one off bills we have that month.

Op, your not alone, children are expensive! We've endured over a decade of cutting back and living on bare bones.

Welcome to the club.

It forced us to be more creative with money, selling stuff, buying everything as cheaply as possible.

I hawked days when supermarkets reduced food... M & s one day eg Tues afternoon, waitrose another.... Sainsburys later on Wednesday...
Charity shops, free cycle etc for toys.. Bikes... Tesco vouchers for days out. All really good skills to have.

We had one meager wage and took all essentials out and followed something like mean mustards plan.

Take essentials out... Give yourself food budget, petrol and ear mark all of that. Then move to weekend fun money... Ear mark set amount and then.. What's left... Divide into savings, and holidays, bday etc.

You may find you need to lower all expectations for holidays etc but at least you will be putting £ towards one.

When money is tight, it's a wonderful feeling to get to November and have A few hundred saved already for Xmas...

But unless really well off every family has to adapt with a small child.

I'm back at work now and I feel v v wealthy!!

PS it's tricky to divide finances fairly when one person is looking after child. To be fair he then needs to pay you a wage for this, even half as I assume you want to do it..
Get nanny, childminder nursery cost, get average price and workout hours and ask for half.

The percentage method isn’t really fair if one partner works p/t to do childcare, IMO.

1. A percentage of a small amount it tiny in terms of your ‘own money’ left over, while a small percentage of a large salary can provide a substantial amount to have fun with / save with
2. The p/t job + child care partner is not just losing cash salary. They are permanently disadvantaged on the career level, losing professional development training, promotion opportunities and pension contributions.
3. A team is a team and you contribute things that are different but equal. If he doesn’t get this is he the problem, or do you have to crawl through ever more constructing hoops to try and keep up with an unfair, unjust standard set by him?

His personal spends are 500 quid but he's moaning about you having your favourite drink? Is that right? Why such a large amount for him? What would he like to happen?

You should pay into your pension. Can his personal spending be cut?
Look at Martin Lewis money saving. Pay any debts, credit cards etc as interest is a killer. Extend mortgage or go interest only for a while, you can overpay if you manage to save a bit. It won't be forever.

Agree you should pay into your pension. If he can continue to afford to so can you.

Did he think a baby was free? I think it would make you both feel better to have a little allowance if you can, even a few pounds a week, so seperate your personal spending and don't let his be more. Allow for commuting expenses, essentials but not fancy lunches and credit cards (unless jointly acquired) or expensive hobbies

Before doing the MSE checks and budget mentioned earlier, I would get your dh to list out what he currently thinks your family income and expenditure is - it will be interesting to see if he thinks you are spending more on treats or food than you actually are and he thinks he is spending less than he actually is on lunches and travel etc or whatever. But then when you do you will both know exactly where you are starting from and how to manage what you need and your expectations more easily.

That’s a brilliant idea from wibble. My ex grossly underestimated how much he spent on lunches, socialising and clothes. He assumed that as he had a good salary, he was able to spend as he liked, without considering that we had high outgoings (mortgage and childcare)

My husband works full time and I’m a sahm. We have separate accounts and on pay day, he sends me half the salary. We split all bills etc equally. So we have the same amount leftover each.