I look hideous in swimwear

[birthdayblues31]

Aibu to not pack swimwear for a sun holiday? DH says I'm "ridiculous".

On paper, my stats are "fine". I'm 31, 5'4, under 9 stone but two kids have wrecked my body beyond recognition and I have huge hang ups about my stomach and thighs. I also have ibs type issues leaving me constantly around the 6 month pregnant mark.

I've said I'll be happy in T-shirt and shorts so can still have a paddle but according to him, not taking swimwear is stupid.

Nb: I'm talking full swimsuits here, no one ever needs to see me in a bikini!

Aibu?!

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If you've found this page in search of swimwear that has been tried and tested by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best swimsuits for women useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

I'm bigger than you in both height and weight! And probably boobs too! Stupid massive boobs!

what Iv found helpful is to find swimwear that works for you rather than stick with what you think you should wear for your body or worse what you can find or think can afford.

Bikini never work for me. Shows too much belly arse and leg and rarely holds boobs in place

Swimsuits don't either same as above

What works best for me (even though I'm probably never going to be totally happy) is

tankini top or a swimsuit with a halter neck or something inbuilt to hold the boobs in place paired with either a swim skirt or some lightweight running shorts or men's swimming shorts with tankini shorts/bottoms under them.

I used to wear board shorts but they always ended up feeling heavy and soggy after I got out the water. Running shorts are not as long and lighter so they dry out quicker. I got mine ages ago but they were only £5 out of primark.

I hear you OP. I’m a 34jj in bras so never find a bikini to fit. I’m a 16 on bottom so can’t even wear a swimsuit as im such different sizes!

I also have Crohn’s disease, a permanent ileostomy, a scar from my section scar to the top of my stomach, a squinty belly button from the scar, hole scar on my tummy from a drain, a stomal hernia, numerous stretch marks and saggy skin.

The only thing that bothers me is the massive boobs which are realllllly noticeable as they are bigger than my head 😂

I went out and genuinely only bought bikini tops I could find that fit, and plain black high waisted bikini bottoms to wear with every one. On Thursday there I thought to myself, fuck this. I’m young and I want to wear nice bikinis! Returned all the frumpy ones and went on boohoo and got some gorgeous ones! Had to get size 22 tops mind you but so fuck.

Get your bikini on and rock your body just the way it is! Everyone else is going to be so worried about their own wobbly bits they won’t care about yours, honestly

I saw a tv program about a similar problem

They found a badly double who stood in a bikini, the lady was asked to feel the doubles stomach, she said it felt soft warm and sexy.

I thought that was lovely. She didn’t see the double as anything other than beautiful.

Try it

Take it and wear it please. In the nicest possible way everyone will be too busy thinking about themselves to look at you. I resemble a beach ball in my costume, but I still wear it and I tell myself its arrogant of me to think the rest of the world is looking at me.
Focus on enjoying your holiday.

Seriously, and in the nicest possible way, no one cares what you look like in your swimwear. They are too busy thinking about what they look like, or where the kids are or reading their book or whatever it might be. There are very few people who feel truly good in swimwear but the best thing is to just own it as the more you try to cover up and hide away the more you draw attention to yourself. The best part about getting older and being a mother is that I am expected to have a mum body in a mum swimming costume so I embrace it! No one is expecting Love Island style from me, so no one disappointed!

You stand out more in shorts and t shirts OP. Try a few different swimming costumes out now, order lots of them online and try them on at home then send back what isn’t suitable. There’s lots out there with support for your stomach.

I hope you manage to find something you feel comfortable in.

I'm not fine, I'm the heaviest I've ever been and my gut is gigantic but I will still be in swimwear on holiday - and in the pool cooling off. Please don't torture yourself sitting and sweating somewhere baking hot in your shorts!! Please!!! Buy yourself a gorgeous cover up so that you don't have to walk around the pool in your swimsuit, if you feel very self-conscious, but please pack something to get in the water in!! No one cares, and if they do, well they can go **%#€ themselves!! I hope you will feel better about your amazing body soon, maybe with a bit of help, but in the meantime fake it til you make it and go and buy some new stuff!! (Plenty of tummy trimming swimsuits out there - quite effective - what about a fake tan?!?) courage to you!

Why do you think it matters so much how you look?
Honestly what makes you focus on it to the detriment of everything else.
I think its definitely worth examining and then fighting your anxiety because once you've done it you'll realise it really isn't important.
Your body isn't ruined it's exactly how it's meant to look.

Get some shapewear.

I'm a size 20, still wear a swimsuit and think it is really sad when I see mums sat by the side of the pool feeling too self conscious to go in.

I got a good fitting swimsuit with great bust support to make my boobs look good, flatten my belly out a bit and a skirt that covers my bum. My legs are hideously white and bumpy but once I get past the initial self consciousness I forget about it and have fun.

Life is too short to spend time hating your body.

Please take the swimsuit. I’ve got childhood memories of my Mum doing similar, and it’s really affected my own body image. I’m wearing swimsuits etc now because I don’t want to pass the issues on again.

Please wear a swimsuit, get in the sea or pool and enjoy your holiday with your children. Teach them that there is much more to life than worrying about your body.

Swimming will tone the flabby bits. Just get in that water, it's fab for mind and body

I look hideous in most things and a swimming costume is no exception. I don't give a fuck. I will never let my appearance stop me from doing what I want and I would NEVER let it stop me and my children from having fun with each other.

I am sure you look fab and will not repeat the excellent advice you have had so far on this thread about self image.

However, I do also want to recommend a swimwear range called Miracle Suit. You can get it in John Lewis. My strapless one piece has been a total game changer for me since I had a baby. Worth a look.

Your husband has seen you naked. He loves you.

Noone else matters. Besides the fact there will be plenty of women in the same boat as you. If you was someone else listening to yourself, your advice would be "pack swimwear and wear it, no body else matters" so apply the same confidence to yourself.

Lots of places now also do 'tummy control' swimwear, to give you a little extra confidence!

Have a lovely holiday!

A few weeks ago there was a thread on here which was something along the lines of AIBU to wear a bikini at a size 16 ( or something similar). It ended up with loads of ladies posting pictures of themselves in their bikinis and they looked great. As a result I’ve ordered 2 bikinis. I find the one pieces with the double layered pieces over the stomach a bit hot and slow to dry but they do look chic so I’m taking one Cossie and 2 bikinis on my holiday ( I’m a 16/18) Take the swimwear and then get a nice beach cover up.... a nice one.... a kimono or overshirt etc and wear it over your costume. Wear a cool hat / sunglasses.... or get a striking beach bag. Be present.... go swimming. Stop thinking that these things are important. They’re not important.

I think you should would wear whatever makes you feel comfortable. But I do think you should take swimwear, even if you wear a t shirt over the top of it.

It is sad that you feel you can't wear swimwear because of the way you look. I am sure you wouldn't be the only person there that feels body conscious, most people have hangups. I do agree with pp that people won't be taking much notice of what you are wearing. But at the end of the day, there's no point wearing something that will make you feel uncomfortable when you are supposed to be relaxing

A swim dress covers a multitude of sins. It’s given me much more confidence because it covers my bum and upper thighs and has ruched fabric to disguise my stomach. It’s worth at least trying one on.

I’m 5,4 and 11 stone! And I’m wearing a Bikini, last year I didn’t as was worried and had nothing go worry about, I have good boobs but bought a roll top bikini bottom so it doesn’t look like my gut is hanging over my bottoms? Fuck it, who cares!

I am currently lying on a sun lounger wearing a size 16 bikini, this is the heaviest I have even been and definitely didn’t feel as confident as I usually do on holiday but looking round the pool and seeing 100’s of women all shapes and sizes not giving a toss definitely boosted my confidence.

I do tankini and a sarong. It’s just the right ‘middle way’ so I don’t stand out in any way. Then I set my mind to ‘having fun’ mode and plunge in.

Seriously, being there is a whole different mindset to the suitcase packing phase. Just pack what you have, and count on feeling differently when you get there.

Two thoughts help me:

-bathers were invented because they are practical clothing for what we want to do; that is strip off and play in water. They are to enjoy the feeling of being cool, play with our kids, interact with nature. This weird societal thought of having to earn your bathers by looking a certain way is just nuts. Go back to why bathers exist, it’s not to make supermodels look good.

-Sometimes confidence in bathers needs a bit of ‘fake it till you make it’, and it’s ok to have some strategies in place (flattering cut, fake tan, colour that suits, etc) but always plan to win not fail. Know that you’ll get there in the end. Flabby and fun loving! And you’ll probably encourage another woman or two to join in!

Pack whatever you have, and don’t overthink it when you get there. Feeling hot and watching your family splashing about usually gets you over the line. By day 3, you’ll be laughing at your old self.

YABU

Those that matter don't care
Those that care don't matter

Every body is bikini ready.
Take pride in your body for what it can do and what it has achieved. Not what it looks like.

Your body has grown new life and birthed new life. That's pretty special don't you think. I think your body is amazing just for what it has achieved.

If I could go back 20 years I would have a much nicer body than now.
However, I was even more body conscious then so probably look better now. All because I care less about what people other than my husband and kids think of me. I carry myself with more confidence and it makes me look better.

Your husband and children obviously loves you as you are and so should you.

Have a great holiday.

Simplybe.co.uk sell some very flattering styles.

OP don't feel bad about your body. I'm a fat saggy blob and I swim in a bikini. If someone doesn't like it, they can look away.

BUT yanbu to swim in what you feel comfortable in. I bet your DH is wearing shorts to swim in so why can't you?

Unless he's packed his speedos or his mankini to swim in. In that case start another thread so we can laugh at him discuss this.