Not allowing dad to collect DS from nursery

[loie]

I'm not sure if this is possible to word this -

I tried to explain to nursery that I need a system in place where - unless I specifically say that DS is to be collected by his dad that day, that he isn't to be released to him, due to police involvement etc and we're in the process of going through lawyers.

They told me I need something in writing to take him off the contact list but obviously if I take him off the contact list then he can't collect him even on the days that I may say that actually he is coming to get him today and I authorise it, but I don't trust leaving him on the contact list as then he's able to come and collect him whenever he wants (which he would).

How do I put this in writing?

"Please do not release our child to her father unless I've specifically instructed you to do so on that given day".

But to be honest, I'm not sure they're allowed to refuse to hand a child over to its parent unless a court order forbids them?

I could be wrong though.

I think it's going to be safest to just remove him from the contact list and work something else out for the times when you are comfortable for a handover.

If he has parental responsibility and there’s not a court order in place you can’t ask them not to I don’t think.

You need a court order that stipulates when he can collect
Presumably he has parental responsibility so you can’t stop him from collecting from nursery without a court order

I’d just take him off then phone on specific days. That is what I’ve done if neighbour/ grandparents were to pick up on an ad hoc basis.

If the father has parental responsibility then you can’t actually do that

• unless u have a court order

I'm a teacher and I'm fairly sure that unless there is a court order in place then nursery can't refuse to hand over a child to their parent as long as they have parental responsibility.

Same as everyone else.

I enquired about this at my ds' nursery years ago and unless there is a court order there is nothing the nursery can do to stop him. My ds' nursery offered to stall him and phone me if he tried to collect ds.

I commented on your previous post that if he has PR they can't stop him.... Get a court order and give nursery a copy of just the part that refers to which days he has the dc. Not the entire paperwork.

We get asked this a lot at school, unless there is legal documentation they cannot stop him collecting if he has PR. The most we can do is call to say Dad is there to collect. It's especially complicated if you're saying some days are ok and some aren't.

And if he does have PR, taking him off the contact list won't make any difference because he'll just put himself back on it.

Hi op,

There is nothing you can do, it’s eother a case of he can pick him up or he can’t. If he has parental responsibility than the nursery have no right to stop him collecting.
Dont blame the nursery it is out of their control.

I used to tel my parents at nursery of they were separated don’t introduce dad to me or anyone, so if he ever can to collect we could say he was a strange to us.

I agree with those saying they can release to anyone with PR, but how do they know whether he does or not? Not every parent does and you don't have to have PR to pick a child up. DS's father isn't on his birth certificate but picks him up every other weekend and ocassionally my sister will pick him up. She doesn't have PR but they let her.

As above I'd take him off the list and arrange something different for those days.

It’s the same in hospital, we get a lot of Mums saying the Dad can’t visit, but unless you’ve got the legal paperwork saying they can’t, then we can’t stop them.

I work in a nursery and when parents sign in there child they have to write who is collecting that day.
If they write down mum is collecting and dad comes to collect we would not let that child go with dad until we have rang mum to see if dad is to collect.
This is our nursery policy.

kaycloash what happens if the parent is suddenly unavailable to speak to?

You can't keep the child past nursery opening hours whist refusing to release them to the other parent with legal PR, surely?

Policies are one thing but the law is another.

You need a court order that stipulates when he can collect Presumably he has parental responsibility so you can’t stop him from collecting from nursery without a court order

This^^
Unless nursery has the 'who is collecting that day' policy that another PP has said hers does, which isn't usual. But holiday clubs tend to do that.

He's collecting some days not others that you haven't agreed, so it isn't that a decision has been made he's unsafe to collect. Once you have interim.court order in place of days, you can give nursery a copy. To be honest though, I'd he started randomly turning up to collect on days not agreed, causing disruption to child's routine and worry to the ResParent (save the texts you have trying to track your baby down) , it would work against him at court and you are more likely to get an interim court order that is very strict. Judges really don't like adults doing power plays with children. And he'd be very silly to show judge who he is so early on.

*iF he not 'I'd he'

You need a court order. Before I had got mine, then nursery did as a pp had said, that they didn't want to know his name or see a pic so they could truthfully say that he was a stranger. They also said that as he does have PR, the only thing they could do was stall him, and would call me straightaway.

However, turns out that he was even more of a twunt than I was aware of, and after a yet more revelations I had it written down by the police and ss that if he was to show up, then the nursery was to call the police straightaway, in the interim period before I was able to get the court order in place.

Sorry when I said you need a court order, I meant in general!

If you both have parental responsibility and there is no contact order with days specified, you are in the same position as his father in regards to pick-ups. Is there a particular reason why you think that your wishes 'out-rank' his father's?

Kay - your nursery can't refuse to hand a child over to a parent on anyone's word except a judge.

Should've clarified, he has no parental responsibility and given the fact that I stated that there's actually been police involvement with him and his behaviour, I don't think there's any need for the comments about 'why my wishes out-rank his fathers' when I'm keeping my child safe.

If he has no parental responsibility then yes you can do what you like.