Suggestions of how to survive the mundanity of a six year old please...

[Flamingo1980]

I’d love to hear from people who have had or are having a similar experience to me... I’m really struggling at the moment with the guilt that I’m currently finding being the mother of a six year old quite boring and soul destroying.
Does anyone have any words of wisdom or can tell me when it gets better? Or how to make it better?
The back story is that she’s a well behaved, well adjusted, calm and happy kid. She was planned and wanted and I had her on my own as a single mum by choice. I don’t regret her and I do love her beyond measure.
However I’ve come to realise that due to my annoying character traits like me being introverted, noise sensitive, impatient and a low tolerance for the same mundane repetitive questions and conversations, I’m REALLY struggling. This six year old stage of constant repetition, mundane conversations about barbies, hatchimals, mermaids etc, the boring games, obsessions with poo and farts etc etc is just becoming a bit much. I hate myself for it. I obsessively think she deserves a mother who is constantly fascinated in everything she says and does. (Don’t get me wrong, I do pretend to be, but inside I just feel dead and bored senseless).
There are of course moments that I do enjoy where we connect etc, but I hate to admit I find it mostly mundane and I find myself wishing my time away.
Please help. How do I stop this? How do I become genuinely more interested in a six year olds world that I feel the polar opposite to interest wise? I welcome any suggestions as i need things to change and I feel so ashamed of myself for even thinking the way I do. Please be gentle.
Thank you in advance. Xx

You need to get other kids over there, on play dates or whatever and then they will talk to each other. She only talks to you about that stuff because there's nobody else.

I mean to say, kids are boring in that way. I couldn't stand it if I had to converse with them about kid stuff or play imaginary games. But, I have several so they entertain each other.

* I obsessively think she deserves a mother who is constantly fascinated in everything she says and does.*

I absolutely disagree with this- it’s a very 21st century idea that we should find our children endlessly fascinating, and I don’t think it serves them well on the long run. Imagine the shock as they grown up and go out into the wider world and people don’t hang on their every word.

Seriously, we all feel like that. No one is endless fascinated in the conversation of a six year old. I feel for you because mine has a sibling to offload it all on to, so I get relatively little of it. Don’t blame yourself.

So I second thinking about more play dates for her, if possible. She’s getting to the age when many parents will drop them off rather than stay if they know the family, so even if you build up to that a little, you are within reach of kids disappearing upstairs to wave plastic crap at each other while you have a peaceful cup of tea.

Also she’s getting older so why not find some films you can watch together and both enjoy? And then discuss. She might like musicals or silly vintage films. Ditto books. Reading together and stretching outside six year old preferences to see what happens. Games that you enjoy more? There are junior versions of things that six years old can start to get involved in - Scrabble or Pictionary.

Experiment with some trips that you enjoy that she might also get pleasure from. Any museums near you or castles? Day trip to the seaside? Both of you getting away from home and something new to talk about.

If all else fails, many parents are doing the ‘yes, that’s wonderful, darling’ thing without listening to a word once they realise they are heading down a Hatchimal/Pokemon/Lol dolls road. It’s not the crime of the century. Don’t beat yourself up.

Definitely more play dates and get her enrolled in some clubs like Rainbows/Brownies or swimming lessons or something to give you a bit of a break and another topic for you two to talk about.
Get out for the day with a friend and their kids so you both have other people to bounce off.

Have you tried taking her to things you like instead of what a child is “supposed to like”? I have a six year old girl and we love reading books, going for walks, going to cafes and sometimes museums (things I like myself, the recommendations for children bores me to tears).

I mix trying to show my little girl my world with play dates, children’s clubs etc so I can get a break. Maybe that could work for you?

Cross post with double and crisscross

I generally hate being in the house and find everything more bearable together when we are outdoors.
Structure your day so you maybe play one board game after breakfast, then you can sort some washing while she plays independently. They recommend you spend 10 minutes a day where you accompany your child playing freely, asking her about her play. That's not long, but very valuable to her.
Can you get bikes out and go for a cycle so that it's a mutually enjoyable activity? Take a coffee and magazine to the playground so you enjoy some down time while she plays? You don't have to comment endlessly on how good she is on the swings or follow her round the playground like a slave. I never understand why parents do that. Outs never did and we were fine!
It's about balancing out both yiur needs. If you are happier you will enjoy her more.

It sounds like you're spending too much time in each other's company.

I agree with PPs who have said she needs to have some friends around to play with.

Invite them and let them get on with it, while you take some time out for yourself.

Definitely get some friends over for her. I can only cope with so much Pokemon talk before I start getting twitchy, so I get his friends that like Pokemon round and they can chunter on to their hearts content about Charmander or whatever.

Sorry I should have said we have plenty of play dates and friends round etc. That isn’t a problem at all. She’s got a great social life and does a lot of after school clubs too.
I was talking about the inevitable times in between when it is the two of us..

If she's at school all day, attends a lot of after school clubs and has plenty of playdates/friends round, I suppose you'll have to grit your teeth during the amount of time you do get to spend together.

Hang in there, it won't last forever.

It feels good to hear I’m not the only one feeling like this so thank you for your support.
I will make more effort to find things we have in common. It’s was great last year when we enjoyed bake off together 😍😍

TV things like that can be great. My children have got me into Strictly and Horrible Histories, at your daughter’s age too I think. My child also enjoys watching celebrity quizzes as she cheers on ‘girls’, especially if they have been on Strictly, even if the questions are meaningless to her. Harry Hill is funny for everyone - fart jokes for her, Ken Barlow playing a pretend flute for me.

It’s entirely ok to feel this way, it does not make you a bad Mother. The incessant questions do become tiresome, they would if anyone in the world did this to us day in, day out. It’s only because they are our wonderful children we feel obliged to enjoy it.

I agree with pp’s, get her enrolled in some more extra curricular stuff so you have more space and she gets more chance to interact with people her own age.

I think it's awful for you to feel like that-guilt is so draining -so try and give yourself a break.

As long as you don't show how disintereted you are in what's important to her then there will be no harm done.
But like others have siad get her intereted in things that interest you and widen her world.
My 8 year old is really intereted in what I do for a living and we have some great chats about my work and it also feeds into her learning how the world works sometimes!

It's really tough though when you just need your own head space.

(wait till she's 15 and you get he said ,she said- x has got a new bf, so and so said this- let me tell you about this vine....) :)

There is also junior bake off on cbbc if you liked the adult one

My girls all love extreme cake makers if u both like bake off you will like it mine are 9 7 5 and 2 and they will all watch it. Its on the channel 4 player ap thing. Also try matilda and the Ramsey bunch. Fun to watcgh and u can try the recepies too

And Nailed It! on Netflix. Awful cake makers make cakes. It’s very silly but not infantile.

We entertain them and talk to them because we love them, NOT because they are necessarily an original creative genius 😁 the fact that you make the effort is what matters. Sometimes I worry that I'm not 'fun' enough when I play with mine, but then I realise that she actually just likes the interaction and attention, I don't have to be an original creative genius myself either!

That being said, I agree that spending time with other little kids is a good idea too. They're very good at entertaining each other.

Yes I struggled with this as well. By 7 it seems they get a bit more grown up and that helps a lot.

I agree with getting other kids around so that they can share their 6yo-specific interests with them. Preferably kids whose parent(s) you also like, so you can hang around with them.

I also agree with a PP that it's not necessary to be constantly fascinated by everything - that sounds stifling and OTT. Yes, you should listen to children, and not always dismiss them, but there's a balance as well. I think this advice about always being interested in every word is more aimed at the majority of families which have more adults and/or more children - it's assuming that the child has other people (especially children) to talk to rather than just you, and it also assumes that you have more than one child to field and that you might be more frazzled in general. Sometimes you have to put your own common sense filter onto advice - what good does it do a child to have a mother who is constantly fascinated and enthused by everything they do, no matter how tedious or naughty? It doesn't make sense. Part of parenting is teaching social interaction, and part of social interaction is choosing your audience. Children can learn this too, and it doesn't hurt them to be told at times that Mummy isn't very interested in Pokemon/doesn't really find jokes about poo funny, or Mummy has a headache and doesn't want to talk right now, as long as you DO listen to them on some topics and at some time. It's part of them learning to see you as a person as well. And if you're not forcing yourself to fake it so much, your enthusiasm for the times you do interact will be that much more genuine and valuable.

I would also start introducing her to your own interests and activities relating to this. Six is a good age to start this and it should give you more mutual ground which helps with the conversation topics. What kinds of things do you like doing for yourself, or did before children?

Is it the weekends that are harder? It sounds like she has plenty on during the week to you’re probably getting her in small doses during the week but then 24/7 during weekends. What does a typical weekend look like for you both?

Thank you again for your brilliant ideas and kind supportive words. I could honestly cry I’m so touched by your help. I will look up those cake programmes!
It hasnt occurred to me to “introduce her to my world” as it were. I assumed she would be too young but maybe not. I will do that too.
User8888888 yes I do always find the weekends - especially Sunday difficult. Less structure and more intensity. You’re very perceptive! I try to fill it with friends (both hers and mine) to break it up. But we do inevitably end up around each other a lot and the guilt creeps in...
I guess I do just find myself thinking “at what age are you going to be when I’ll be stimulated by your conversations??” At the moment it feels a life time away. Then I feel selfish and ungrateful and my mind spirals.
But yes, I do mostly cover up that I find her boring but also I do sometimes tell her “mummy just needs quiet time as my head hurts” or something and she understands. I’m lucky that she’s quite a chilled and undemanding child. I’m lucky in so so many ways I do know this..

It will always be harder for you being an introvert so maybe finding something she can do on a Sunday where you don’t have to talk to anyone and can ignore others while she’s doing the activity. I guess arranging social things solves one problem but doesn’t really give you a chance to recharge. Something like stagecoach that is a few hours at a time could work?

I totally get this. My 5yo is very demanding of attention, imaginary play, etc during our time together (I do all school pickups plus we have the weekends) she is an only child and I think she does get bored and want the stimulation but I generally find it exhausting and equally feel guilty if I don’t always get involved. Cut yourself some slack.. it’s ok to not always be Mary poppins and keep being clear about when you need quiet time as that’s totally ok and she will be fine.