To think that more people know about Undetectable equals Untransmittable? (attempt 2)

[HIVpos]

So, I cocked up my first effort at this – made a coffee and trying again. Many apologies to those who posted in my first attempt. Please, please vote/post again

Last week the results of a YouGov survey commissioned by THT were announced which I found made for quite depressing reading.

Apart from the fact that according to this only about 25% of guys in my age range would feel comfortable kissing me (HIV is not infectious in saliva, even in someone not on medication with a sky high viral load), I thought that more than 19% of people in the U.K. would know about U equals U.

I’ll put a link to the article in the next post. I’m more than happy for MNetters to post constructive comments/ask questions on the other aspects of the survey in an effort to try to work out how to reduce stigma (would have to say that before my diagnosis I’d have had to learn a heck of a lot about HIV before dating someone living with it), but my question for the poll is:

Before you read this, AIBU in thinking that more of you knew that people living with HIV who are on effective treatment cannot pass the virus on to their sexual partners, even without using condoms? If you did not know this, please tick YABU

Thank you

Link to article:
www.tht.org.uk/news/almost-half-brits-would-feel-uncomfortable-kissing-someone-hiv

I didn't know this, but am very glad to hear it. I have been in a monogamous marriage for donkey's years so I suppose hiv isn't really on my radar iykwim.

I know U = U, however, I know people who have serious conditions e.g. MH conditions who don’t always take their meds so how could I be 100% sure a HIV+ person would?

I only know this as a friend has HIV and I have learned a lot through her.

I've aonly recently become aware of this, so I'm probably somewhere between YABU and YABNU. However, I'm probably not in your age range (and I'm definitely not a man).

I grew up in the 80s and I don't doubt the messaging stuck in my sub-conscious somewhere, it was terrifying. I was genuinely quite surprised to read an article a while ago about the massive advancements in medication meaning HIV positive person has no less a life expectancy than anyone else, in fact probably longer due to more regular health check ups.

That said I know you can't catch HIV from kissing.

I knew this but I’m quite old and when I was dating hiv drugs were not what they are today. Since I’ve been monogamous and married I’ve not thought about it.

I’ve not really had any HIV education since school in the early 90s. I didn’t know this.

I did know that if someone with HIV has unprotected sex, their partner can have some kind of drugs within a certain time frame which will stop it being transmitted.

And you definitely can’t catch it from kissing.

I didn't know U=U , but did know you don't transmit it by kissing. I'm 50 .

Thanks for the responses so far.

@Deadringer - I was the same - married over 20 years and oblivious, never went to a GUM clinic, never tested for HIV other than during pregnancy. However there are so many like me who get divorced, start to date again, might be post menopausal so can't get pregnant so condoms not a necessity, are totally ignorant...and so on. It's useful stuff to know if you have divorced friends of have DC though!

@Freshprincess - yes, exactly, the tombstone ads of the 80s did an amazing job in raising awareness, but it had had the knock-on effect that the older generation still have the memory and associated fear and becomes very difficult to change perception of how things have moved on. And yes - thank you for mentioning the life expectancy bit. We get tested twice a year for things other than checking we are still UD - liver, kidney, cardio risk, Frax score (bones) etc. Plus I'm now on annual smear tests - yay! We do tend to look after ourselves better I think too - more likely to eat better, exercise more etc.

I think a lot of people don't understand science.

Some people also have a natural immunity to HIV.

YABU (I didn't know this).

I rarely hear anything about HIV, but I knew that drugs had developed enough that people who have HIV can lead a full life. I knew it couldn't be exchanged through saliva.

I used to train on a community course designed to help people build skills and confidence and get them either into work or voluntarily involved in their local community.
One exercise had the as a committee running a community centre, and they had to discuss how to deal with various complaints about the centres use. One complaint they were asked to deal with was a groups using the centre made a complaint about a lgbt group using the centre saying it wasn't safe.
I was horrified to find that many of them agreed and either didn't want the group to be allowed to use the centre or that they had at least to bring their own cups. It, at least, gave the opportunity for some education but I got the feeling that many were not convinced.

'older generation'… I'm 47, not 97!

I knew this, but would never have sex without a condom.
Having been burnt before in marriage, I wouldnt risk an STD from,anyone.
Glad to hear youre well x

I did know as I read about how two HIV positive parents can have a healthy baby several years ago and was fascinated.

@Unfinishedkitchen
I know U = U, however, I know people who have serious conditions e.g. MH conditions who don’t always take their meds so how could I be 100% sure a HIV+ person would?

Good question, and yes, HIV can go hand in hand with MH conditions which can certainly be more difficult to manage than HIV. Dating someone who you think might not be taking their meds consistently for whatever reason - if there was a chance of this happening then consistent use of condoms or taking PrEP would be the most effective way to prevent it being passed on - or just not having full unprotected sex!!

I guess it comes down to trust - trust in science and trust in the person you are dating. For example, I am not going to risk my own health, let alone that of anyone else by not taking my meds. Why would I? I also know that missing the odd pill (not that I have so far!) is not going to suddenly make me infectious. It doesn't work that way. There's trust in a lot of things when dating - that they are not going to cheat on you, beat you up etc. I don't know if I'm explaining it very well but tbh for me I feel I would be more at risk of something negative happening to me from a potential partner than they me.

I thought most people knew this? People can also take PREP if they are worried about a viral load increasing between screens, but thats fairly rare.

The only reason I know about even the existence of the words is down to recently seeing a storyline on Designated Survivor (tv drama). Wouldn't have had a clue otherwise.

I know U=U. However at the kissing stage I would be more concerned about catching cold sores in my 50s than HIV (shallow as that sounds).

I knew this. I was born in the 80s so don’t remember the ad campaign when it first came out but I’ve seen the Stephen Fry documentary enough times to be aware of how terrified people were in the 80s.
That said do you think people are less scared of stds (particularly hiv) because it is no longer a death sentence? I only ask as I read the scary statistics about diagnosis being on the up in the last decade

I guess it comes down to trust - trust in science and trust in the person you are dating.

Ok, but when you first meet and start dating someone, you don't know how far you can trust them.

I didn't know this.

I think regarding kissing that people might not be worried about saliva, but in case of a cut in the mouth.

@lazylinguist Surely you don’t have sex with someone you don’t trust, so not really an issue?

@HeCateh wow that's horrible! Have to say, just after my diagnosis and before I'd started meds, I poured a glass of wine one night and my (grown-up) DD went to pinch a sip. She then hesitated and I reassured her that it was fine - but if she had too much she should get her own!

@Theyroamoverhere - so sorry to hear about that. Proves that trust goes both ways.

@Gummygoddess - yes, couples where both are HIV+, or serodiscordant couples (where one is pos and one is neg) are having healthy babies now which is great!

@BuzzshitbagBobbly HIV is mentioned fairly regularly on TV - in the news, on TV programmes etc, but mostly people don't notice - if it doesn't affect them, no reason why they should really. I love Designated Survivor too - also all the 24 seasons

@howabout
I know U=U. However at the kissing stage I would be more concerned about catching cold sores in my 50s than HIV (shallow as that sounds).

Brilliant comment - thank you. I might share this elsewhere

@lazylinguist - absolutely right, when you first start dating someone you don't know if you can trust someone. I don't know for example that any potential date is not a rapist or serial killer, or has one of many STIs that are much easier to transmit like Hep C or chlamydia. I know on the other hand that I can't transmit HIV, have been tested for all other STIs, and have an offer of repeat testing at every check up. We all make that decision when and whether to trust a partner.