Is there a chance he didn’t cheat?

[Anychance123]

I just wondered what people think the chances are that dp didn’t cheat? We have been together 6 years and a week after a night out dp tells me he has herpes. He swears on dc lives he hasn’t cheated and it must have been ‘dormant’ for years. I want to believe him but it’s just not looking promising is it. Obviously I will see a doctor but from the info I have found online it looks like it normally comes out within this time frame, not years later. Aibu to think he has definitely cheated?

Meanmate - so it is only dormant after the first outbreak? That means he either lied about never having it years ago and didn’t tell me, or cheated. Either way, he’s lied hasn’t he.

He’s lied, yes.
His silence prior to diagnosis is really suspicious to me.
DH and I are not a taking-a-dump-in-front-of-each-other kind of couple, but if one of us suddenly developed an itchy or sore crotch, I guarantee we’d say something to the other about having a crotch on fire and wtf could it be. We’ve both had a glamorous haemorrhoid thing going on at separate times, and while we weren’t about to get the other to look, we both knew about it.
I’m really sorry OP. What was his night out?

Genital herpes is a commonsexually transmitted disease (STD)that any sexually active person can get. Most people with the virus don’t have symptoms. Even without signs of the disease, herpes can still be spread to sex partners.

www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfact-herpes.htm

@anychance123 By the sounds of it, he could have had it in the past and not even realised. Did you have any suspicions before his night out/ between the night out and before he told you?

Sorry you're going through this

You don’t need any reason/proof to end a relationship. If you are unhappy then leave. Will you be happy in your marriage not knowing if he has cheated or not? Think about what you want for your life and if this will change your future feelings.

Also, I'd get checked out. You could have had it for years too, with no symptoms.

Googling would suggest he could have picked it up ten days ago “The incubation period for HSV-1 and HSV-2 is the same: 2 to 12 days. For most people, the symptoms begin to show up in about 3 to 6 days.”

HSV 1 being cold sores, HSV 2 being herpes.

It doesn’t look great, given that he didn’t say anything about it, but who knows if it’s impossible for it to have lain dormant for six years.

Go to the clinic and get a full check up firstly.

Then when you’re sorted (hopefully you haven’t picked up the virus) you need to sit down and talk to him seriously.

He promises on children’s life that he hasn’t cheated. That’s a bold claim. But people lie don’t they.

Depending on whether he is generally otherwise trustworthy, otherwise decent, caring and genuine you may be able to move past this. But until you talk to him with a level head, with all the information (your status etc) then I don’t think you can decide if you believe him or not.

Sorry you’re going through this, it’s not impossible he’s telling the truth but you can only decide if you trust him enough to stay together.

What concerns me here is the secrecy towards his doctors visit. Has he slept with someone without a condom and was worried it was something more sinister? (You can spread this whilst wearing a condom though I know).

I think you need to talk to him quite seriously. Emotions aside, if he’s slept with someone else you can deal with it, but sleeping with someone unprotected and then sleeping with you is unforgivable.

I’d be tempted to double bluff with him too.

Do either of you suffer from cold sores? That may be the culprit.

How's it going op?

Thank you for your replies. Well, he’s gone to stay with his mum as I’ve accused him of cheating and I’m going to the doctors to get tested and find out more about it. He said I could have given it to him, but surely that’s not possible? I’ve not been with anyone else for years and never had any symptoms.

I think him having problems in that area that made him feel he needs to go to a doctor yet having sex with you and not telling you is a dumpable offence.

My concern would be that the night out and then sudden diagnosis might be a cover up for a proper affair. I mean, if I was uaving an affair and caught an STD from the person, realised my partner would leave me if thry knew I had been cheating like that, I can imagine pretending to have had a drunken fumble on a night out might seem like a better option than confessing a full blown affair.

Either way. I personally would assume the nicer behaviour since the night out is guilt talking. If you do confront him with cheating, see if he then turns it back on you. Cheats often get very angry and defensive and can try to blame you instead or deflect the questions.

Either way I wouldn't be sleeping with him anytime soon even if you can forgive.