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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go to Australia for the weekend?!

920 replies

HufflepuffHarpy · 07/07/2019 07:16

My best friend (male if relevant) is getting married in the autumn. I'm in the UK (where we both grew up) he now lives in Australia.

I desperately want to go to the wedding.

It will cost £1000 for the flight plus accomodation etc over there which is in no way small money.

I have 4DC so would be asking my parents (very hands on babysitters, have had them for me and DH to go on holiday etc) to have the DC (all under 10) while DH is at work.

I would leave on a thursday AM flight and get back tuesday pm. SO literally fly in for the wedding, the day after and then back home.

Am I being totally crazy to consider this?! (Haven't actually asked DH yet!!)

OP posts:
Original poster
HufflepuffHarpy · 07/07/2019 09:09

marthas parents have had the DC before, they are more than capable/fit enough etc. It is a big ask obviously but not 'massive' and they have had them for 10 days before.

OP posts:
justjuggling · 07/07/2019 09:09

Absolutely do it! X

MardAsSnails · 07/07/2019 09:09

I’ve done 14h each way for 56 hours in the country i was visiting - my BFF’s husband suddenly left her anout 6 months after they emigrated and she had no family or close friends on the same continent. I was further away than her mum was, but I had the leave from work and the spare cash to make it possible. So I went to give her a hug and went home again.

No regrets whatsoever for being there for her.

Do it. You only live once. If you want to be at the wedding and have the means to do so, do it. Jet lag would be a bitch, but fuck it. You’ll be fine whilst you’re there, you’ll feel like shit when you’re back, but you’ll have been there for your friend. That’s worth being tired for a few days.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 07/07/2019 09:11

No way on earth would I do it for that length of time. I’ve done the uk to Australia route and flew business class and I was still a zombie when I got there. You will probably feel sick as as though you are floating along for the entire trip.

Mad.

Bagadverts · 07/07/2019 09:12

I think the idea of the live Skype is better. I’m sure he has other friends and family who can’t attend but what to see the wedding.

Seems a waste of money, you may sleep through the wedding or miss it altogether if there are three flights that could go wrong.

MrsSchadenfreude · 07/07/2019 09:12

Do it. I’ve been to Hong Kong for the weekend from London.

Chamomileteaplease · 07/07/2019 09:12

I'm just wondering how long you would actually have with your friend?

Would you see him before the wedding? Did you say the wedding is small so therefore you can hopefully see a lot of him at the actual wedding? And after?

I think it's doable, in a crazy way but I would have a think about how much time you would actually spend with him. Especially if you don't know anyone else!

Missingstreetlife · 07/07/2019 09:15

A friend recently came to uk from aus for family event. Arrived thurs for weekend, went back following thurs to be home sat.

Original poster
HufflepuffHarpy · 07/07/2019 09:16

live skype isnt an option where the wedding will be.

sorry, bit of a drip feed, (i forgot to include in the OP!) they will be coming over in a year or so and having a reception for their uk friends then. but this to me isnt the same as the actual wedding (i'm the type who goes to the ceremony if i only have an evening invite as the getting married bit is the most important, not the party)

We have enough in savings for a new boiler/washing machine even if i loan this money to myself. we have no debt except the mortgage. I can pull back my own personal spending to pay it back as soon as i can.

DH is up and drinking coffee....will let him have the first cup in peace and then throw the idea at him....

OP posts:
userxx · 07/07/2019 09:17

@MardAsSnails What an amazing mate you are 👍

Flute56 · 07/07/2019 09:17

My only regret about going to Australia was that I was only based in Sydney and did not see more of the country. I could not afford to travel to anywhere else

Original poster
HufflepuffHarpy · 07/07/2019 09:17

chamomile the guest list is less than 20, i think more like 15? and i know his parents well so can chat with them too.

Not sure of the logistics of the days around the wedding but would find out before i booked.

I just want to see my best friend get married! which is possibly clouding my judgement over what is sensible.

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 07/07/2019 09:18

Its OTT. Assume you have no other family back in Australia that you care about and who care about you such that they'd be offended when you waste this opportunity (time/money) to come home?

Ask your friend to get someone to film it and send you the film. If they are such a good friend they will do this for you. Then you can arrange a proper trip home (alone or with family) where you have more time to actually see and talk to your friend and spend time with his new wife. Thats what will be a better basis for a relationship than this heroic journey.

Dh had a friend come to a nearby 5hour flight for 3 days for our wedding and i thought that was sweet but nuts a bit spendthrift. It was a good wedding, he was party of the wedding party (one of 2 best men with a special suit, but no speeaches or duties) and he sat opposite us all for the meal.

Unless you are good enough friend to actually be in the wedding i would not consider doing this.

Dyrne · 07/07/2019 09:18

To be honest reading your updates OP i’d Just go for it, as long as DH and DPs are on board.

The biggest thing to me would be justifying the cost for such a short length of time, and the impact it would have on family if an emergency happened and we could have needed the savings.

It sounds like money isn’t really an issue for you (jealous!) so that’s the last blocker gone really!

LittleKitty1985 · 07/07/2019 09:18

Why is it such short notice anyway? If I were in his shoes and I really wanted my bf to be there then I'd have included them in the planning and given them a lot of notice so they could get the cheapest fights and accommodation possible

sloaneBear · 07/07/2019 09:19

Ive done similar twice for work. As it was work I had a business class lie flat bed there and back. I took melatonin and did everything to minimise tiredness. Nevertheless jet lag was still a killer. No way I would do it for pleasure.

That money could pay for a lovely family holiday for all of you for a week. I’d prioritise that. It will not be fun to be so jet lagged and try and enjoy a wedding.

llangennith · 07/07/2019 09:20

I've always needed a day or so to recover from jet lag and the long flight whenever I've been to Australia.

I think this is one of those things you'll regret doing as soon as you get back. Is it really worth spending over £1,000 on a weekend trip, most of which will be in a plane?

Original poster
HufflepuffHarpy · 07/07/2019 09:22

this is not at the expense of a family holiday - we have a two week holiday booked for this summer.

we are 'comfortable' but not loaded and i cant just piss money up the wall for fun. it would take me a year to pay the money back to our savings from my monthly 'allowance'.

They got engaged at christmas, they were waiting to find out when the grooms parents could come out before they arranged the dates which is why its short notice.

OP posts:
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 07/07/2019 09:23

It's totally OTT especially as they are having a ceremony in the UK. I had to miss out on loads of occasions/weddings when the DC were babies it's just life.

FiveShelties · 07/07/2019 09:23

Make sure you have enough time in case there is a delay. I do NZ/UK regularly but last Time was delayed out of Manchester, missed my connection and arrived NZ a day late. Was just an inconvenience to me but if going for a wedding it would be awful to do the tri and then miss the wedding.

Have a fantastic time you will be knackered but soon recover from jetlag.

Benjispruce · 07/07/2019 09:24

Crazy.

MarshaBradyo · 07/07/2019 09:26

Don’t do it they’ll have the party over here

Untamedtoad · 07/07/2019 09:27

I think the main thing that would hold me back would be the cost... You say you can afford it, but you also say you couldn't afford to upgrade to business, which to me implies you are "loaded" per se. So for me, spending over a grand on a solo venture, would likely mean one less family holiday, meaning dh and kids may miss out, because I'd blown the savings on individual flights. I'd also find the whole thing utterly exhausting and wouldn't cope with the jetlag going from UK to Aus for such a short time frame. Last time we did this we went for 3 weeks, but all spent the first week bed ridden and unable to function at any sociable times, so we're grateful we still had a fortnight to enjoy the place. It depends how much jet lag affects you. I know me and dh are particularly bad with it, so couldn't contemplate such a short trip.

FrancesFryer · 07/07/2019 09:30

An Australian living in the UK flew to Melbourne in 2015 just to watch the cricket world cup final. Then as soon as the match was over he went back to the airport and flew back.

So yes totally doable

rookiemere · 07/07/2019 09:30

untamedtoad there's a huge difference in price between economy and business class for long haul. It can easily be 4-5 times the cost, so in our case we could afford the economy fare but could not justify the same trip in business class.