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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Spiking tea with breastmilk

73 replies

Spinmynipplenuts · 07/07/2019 00:56

This is my first AIBU so I’m a bit nervous but I’m genuinely wondering if I am being unreasonable!

I just watched an Instagram story where someone made tea for someone and used their breastmilk instead of milk. The told the person what they had done after he drank the tea.

They thought they were being hilarious but it feels wrong to me. If someone asked to taste the breastmilk fair brought but to “spike” the tea for a joke seems wrong to me.

So AIBU to think she shouldn’t have done it?

OP posts:

LaurieMarlow · 07/07/2019 11:01

Basically, you don't spike other people's drinks with anything.

I totally agree. I’m just questioning the reasoning around ‘bodily fluids’

emmaliz · 07/07/2019 11:03

The issue here is consent not the milk itself

MRex · 07/07/2019 11:03

@LaurieMarlow
Breast milk on the other hand has always been consumed by other humans and not just by babies born to that individual.
Total sidetrack, but I didn't know about this, what's the history? Which cultures and why?

Ponoka7 · 07/07/2019 11:04

"There are strong taboos put in place against the consumption of human flesh for good cultural reasons."

And medical, we aren't totally sure that it wouldn't cause a similar thing to Mad Cow, as well as the infection etc risk.

I share body fluids with only people i choose to. I don't drink cows milk, anyway.

She's a very strange Woman. It could be classed as an "offence against a person", in law.

LaurieMarlow · 07/07/2019 11:05

Wet nursing (feeding other people’s babies) was really common in the days before formula. Because women couldn’t or didn’t want to feed.

Ponoka7 · 07/07/2019 11:08

MRex, breastmilk has been seen as something magical and healthy.

There's been reports of it being fed to the elderly and sick in a BF Woman's family and probably sold on as well.

There are tales of Women feeding dying people directly from their breasts etc. 🤮

doxxed · 07/07/2019 11:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 07/07/2019 11:12

Well me and many other people drink milk from a cow, why is that ok and normal but milk from another human is weird??

Don’t get me wrong obviously you shouldn’t spike someone’s tea as a joke but breastmilk isn’t disgusting

InTheHeatofLisbon · 07/07/2019 11:14

Basically, you don't spike other people's drinks with anything.

This. The issue is consent, not what it is.

Streamside · 07/07/2019 11:17

I breastfed all 5 of my children, one of whom fed for nearly 4 years.I'm vegan and didn't ever drink cows milk or any other mammals milk after that.There was something about breastfeeding your own children which made me reconsider the dairy industry.I'm passionate about breastfeeding but still believe no-one should have to consume body fluids without consent.

Howlovely · 07/07/2019 11:17

Spiking anybody's food or drink is never ok. Some people are fine with drinking milk, others aren't. Some are fine with eating meat, others aren't, etc We are allowed that choice and don't have to give reasons or back our choices up with science or historical anecdotes.
I think the reason some people would find the idea of drinking someone else's breast milk odd or even disgusting might be because it is quite an intimate thing, breastmilk. It is not the norm now, regardless of whatever happened historically, for adults to drink breast milk; it is not found commercially, eg breastmilk yogurt, and it is not generally something that is shared (apart from milkbanks and the like, or between friends. I.e. it is not readily available to buy instead of formula for example). Some people would not feel comfortable sharing that level of intimacy with another adult and that is their right and they absolutely should not be tricked into it.

Original poster

Spinmynipplenuts · 07/07/2019 11:18

Don’t get me wrong obviously you shouldn’t spike someone’s tea as a joke but breastmilk isn’t disgusting

No one is saying breastmilk is disgusting. But it is untreated and from someone’s body! If he had asked to taste it then that was his choice. She put it in his tea WITHOUT telling him.

She doesn’t care anyway! She has now added a little bit to her story asking him if he enjoyed it and he’s “all yeah, it was great”. I’m pretty sure that was for my benefit. Although I can’t be the only one who thought it was wrong and messaged her ... Can I?

OP posts:

Sexnotgender · 07/07/2019 11:22

I’m currently breastfeeding so definitely don’t find it gross but I would NEVER use my milk in food/drinks for someone who didn’t know it was there.
I’d also hit the fucking roof if someone did it to me.

Can we please stop disregarding peoples boundaries?

InTheHeatofLisbon · 07/07/2019 11:24

Can we please stop disregarding peoples boundaries?

This.

CockleburIck · 07/07/2019 11:54

Can we please stop disregarding peoples boundaries

Not one person on this thread has done this. It has been a pretty unanimous “you shouldn’t spike anyone’s drink with anything”

RagingWhoreBag · 07/07/2019 13:44

Well me and many other people drink milk from a cow, why is that ok and normal but milk from another human is weird?? Would you drink milk squeezed from a cat? Or is that ok too, seeing as we're all ok with cow's milk?

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 07/07/2019 14:21

People used to do a lot of things that they don't do anymore. Of course people drank untreated cow's milk and employed wet nurses when they didn't understand about disease being transmitted through bodily fluids. Now we know better and have developed the means to treat milk and prevent this.
Also in the past formula didn't exist so if you didn't produce breast milk, your baby died. So if course it was better to feed each other's babies.

LaurieMarlow · 07/07/2019 20:35

Now we know better

People still drink unpasteurised cows milk. It’s delicious.

There’s also a growing market for donating expressed breast milk to babies who aren’t your own.

I asked this question upthread, but would you feel differently if the milk had been screened? (Probably not, which shows that it’s cultural conditioning at play).

Original poster

Spinmynipplenuts · 07/07/2019 20:53

@lauriemarlow I wouldn’t feel differently if the milk had been screened. The point is the man thought he was getting cows milk not breastmilk.

OP posts:

LaurieMarlow · 07/07/2019 21:02

I totally agree with that he shouldn’t have been given anything against his knowledge or will.

I’m just questioning the ‘ew bodily fluid’ and ‘now we know better reasoning’ being thrown around.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 07/07/2019 22:34

For me, the main concern is not wanting to risk disease to be passed on through the milk. If it was treated then I wouldn't feel it was weird for people to drink it. Although we have become accustomed to the taste of cow's milk.

Most people don't want to drink unpasteurised milk, even if it does taste better. And expressed milk which is donated to premature babies is fully screened. No one just breast feeds someone else's baby.

MumofTinies · 07/07/2019 22:39

The issue here is consent not the milk itself

This!

I am very pro breastfeeding and breastmilk is amazing stuff, but if someone snuck a substance I didn't ask for into my food or drink, I wouldn't be happy.

NCforthis2019 · 07/07/2019 23:04

my family did this when i was home for a bit - they knew it was bm though and didn't mind - not telling someone is just wrong though.

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