To be fuming? MIL comment.

[goodfornothinggnome]

We dont always have the best relationship. I've spent the past 9 years glossing over terrible and shitty things shes said and done to both me and her own son.

They took on my daughter from a previous relationship as their own grand child, and in that respect I cant say anything bad. I really respect them for it.

I have honestly glossed over so much, but we went to their house the other day, and she really hurt me.
I've got fertility problems, and haven't been able to have children since having DD. The plan was to do all we can to get healthy in the meantime, have a nice family holiday all of us, then hopefully go privately for help with our fertility.

Just the day before I'd done a pregnancy test and we were quite sad to see it was negative (I'm 10 years into the fertility struggle now)

Anyway, the dog jumped up at DH, and he is too soft (dog just needs a storm voice and he will move) and MIL said "ITS A GOOD JOB YOU CANT GIVE HIM KIDS, HE WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY USELESS"

I didn't react but left soon after. I cant help but feel like this is the last straw. What absolute cunt says something like that?
No humour in it at all, so not even a terrible joke.

I'm hurt, but more to the point angry that his mother said this. It shouldn't shock me as shes said some really nasty things like how one of his friends is the son they never had.

FWIW my husband is a good man. Always helpful to his parents.

Stern voice. No idea what a storm voice could be

That is absolutely horrible. What a cruel thing to say. I’m so sorry for your struggles

Did he say anything to her?

That is such a horrendous thing to say, for both of you. I'm so sorry

I think I’d be going low to no contact. How anyone can be without any empathy at all is quite astonishing.

She sounds socially inept rather than deliberately malicious, I’d say.
Does she often say things out of turn?

"one of his friends is the son they never had"??? And your husband is their son???

Why would you spend any time with these people? Why would you expose your child to such a toxic environment???

Please, for all your sakes stay away! As you have discovered - it does no one any good to be continually verbally abused like this.

What can this woman bring to your life?

Best of luck with the fertility.

What a nasty woman! Blow her out the ocean and have twins 😉
Good luck with the fertility treatment I really hope it works for you both 💕

She’s an arsehole. There’s just no way it can be sugar coated. A massive great big stinking arsehole. In your position, that would be it for me.

Have your lovely family holiday with your husband and daughter and wishing you all the luck in the world with your fertility treatment.

You need to keep your dd away from such people not be grateful they like her!

That's so nasty toward both you and your husband. Imagine calling your own son useless? Step away from them.

Initially I thought that it might be her way of trying to accept that he might never be a father.

But someone else is "the son she never had" when she has a son??
So does that mean the son she' rather have?

How does your husband feel about it all?

She sounds truly foul. How dare she.

And the son she never had?!?! Your poor DH.

I'd have fuck all to do with her and make it perfectly clear why. Life's too short to be surrounded by arseholes.

Nope, not ok at all, and not a good parent or Grandparent.

Your poor DH, being raised by someone who prefers another person's child. Does he see how awful she is, or does he bury his head?

You wouldn't be U to cut off contact. No good comes from having people like that in your life.

How fucking horrible of her.
There's no excuse for throwing your infertility issues in your face like that, none at all. And it was so derogatory to your husband, her son, as well.

Just horrible.
Stay well clear for a while if you can.

Is your DH an only child? Maybe DH's friend is the second child they never had? I thought of that because they accepted your first child as their grandchild and, thus, have no hang-ups about blood-ties as relationship prerequisites. Without knowing more information, I'd guess they use ill-judged humour to deal with secondary infertility. (Perhaps, they think you understand their "humour" if there is a shared background of secondary infertility? It was still an insensitive comment from them but I'm wondering if they realise it.) I can't imagine how tough the past 9-10 years have been for you while dealing with your fertility problems. Best wishes TTC. x

That's dreadful! I have in-laws who say horrible things to me and my husband too. They knew about our infertility struggle for 18 years and once said "people that don't have children are always very odd"! We were in a roomful of family and you could have heard a pin drop. It was awful. I have reduced contact significantly, husband just does his duty and visits occasionally. I really feel for you.

Wow, tactless and unkind goes nowhere near it. So sorry op.

I tnink if you’re not prepared to address it with her you should withdraw.

Not surprised you’re upset. Such a horrible thing to say.

"Even Jack the Ripper didn't deserve a grandparent like you,you nasty bitch!!!" Then walk out

Sounds like his Mum is bitter and twisted
She obviously has issues .... very nasty thing to say .... people always say things that are nasty when there is something bothering them and it’s not necessarily about you .... don’t interact with her unless you have to ...short conversation ... polite and that’s enough ... don’t feed the fire ... you don’t deserve that but I really believe ( and boy I’ve had some similar experiences lately believe me ) that people can stew in their on poison and negativity .... hold your head up high ... keep your dignity 👍 try your hardest not to take the bait and don’t let her see that she’s irked you ... that will irk her more and she might just get bored or maybe realise what a nasty piece of works she’s been

She’s a social hand grenade, isn’t she?

I'm so sorry she hurt you by that remark but she wouldn't have meant to. Older people often say tactless things, there is something about 'mums' (& some dads) that leads them to think they can open their mouths and say anything that comes into their heads to their children. My mum and my mother in law and, to a point, father in law, were the same but they were good people and we loved them. I just make sure I am not like that! I've heard the same thing said about parents by other people. It's probably a generational thing (mixed with some stupidity).

My honest belief is that a bit of straightforward talking is needed. If you explained to your mum in law that you find remarks about your infertility very hurtful she would probably think before opening her mouth.

I'm sorry you are having problems, it would be wonderful if you could conceive and I hope you do eventually but it is so good that you have your daughter, what a blessing she must be. Make the most of her.

Older people often say tactless things How old do you have to be to get away with it Bluerussian? Your age? Mine? I can't wait till I can speak to people like dirt for years and then have someone like you nip in and say I'm a great person!

What is the actual lower age limit allowed for being nasty?

Oh come on, DishingOutDone, I mean a generation who were young many years ago. Please don't pick, it goes off the point. I thought my post was quite 'nice', obviously I wasn't being tactful! I won't say anything again.

I'm 70 this year and I wouldn't be insensitive but in the past have witnessed people of my late parents generation who are extremely so (younger ones do it too but less so and others tell them off more readily). They don't even know they are doing it.

@Bluerussian you can say anything you like. This is the AIBU board, its where people debate.

My point is I hate people being excused their awful behaviour because of their age, and you often find out in these cases MiL are in their 50s.