To be fuming? MIL comment.

[goodfornothinggnome]

We dont always have the best relationship. I've spent the past 9 years glossing over terrible and shitty things shes said and done to both me and her own son.

They took on my daughter from a previous relationship as their own grand child, and in that respect I cant say anything bad. I really respect them for it.

I have honestly glossed over so much, but we went to their house the other day, and she really hurt me.
I've got fertility problems, and haven't been able to have children since having DD. The plan was to do all we can to get healthy in the meantime, have a nice family holiday all of us, then hopefully go privately for help with our fertility.

Just the day before I'd done a pregnancy test and we were quite sad to see it was negative (I'm 10 years into the fertility struggle now)

Anyway, the dog jumped up at DH, and he is too soft (dog just needs a storm voice and he will move) and MIL said "ITS A GOOD JOB YOU CANT GIVE HIM KIDS, HE WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY USELESS"

I didn't react but left soon after. I cant help but feel like this is the last straw. What absolute cunt says something like that?
No humour in it at all, so not even a terrible joke.

I'm hurt, but more to the point angry that his mother said this. It shouldn't shock me as shes said some really nasty things like how one of his friends is the son they never had.

FWIW my husband is a good man. Always helpful to his parents.

No excuses or justifications, that is tactless to the point of gross thoughtlessness if not deliberate provocation. Whether or not she is socially inept or 'on the spectrum' you don't need to be exposed to this; I'd massively cut down the time you spend together and tell her bluntly how inappropriate and hurtful that particular comment was. If she honestly doesn't realise how she comes across, it's worth at least trying to educate her, and if it's to no avail then you can move on knowing you tried.

Oh come on, DishingOutDone, I mean a generation who were young many years ago

Which generation would that be then? 80+? 60+? I've seen mid 30s described as "old" on MN.

My 88yr old DM would never say anything like this, I can't think of anyone I've known that age who has. Its sloppy ageism to say "its her age".

Sometimes people are dicks, no group has the monopoly on that.

Just call her out, what have you got to lose?
seriously, offend her so badly that she never wants to speak to you again
job done✔️

My ex MIL said to someone that tjey were the daughter she never had. With her DD sat next to her.

What she meant was that she regarded her as a daughter and as she was the opposite of her DD, personality wise, she thought it made sense.

Her DD and her are very close and have a good relationship.

Your DH needs to address this aspa.

Just a couple of updates, she is only in her 50s, but does have form for acting this way with others.

She is sometimes lovely, but at the moment. I cant get past all of the nasty things she says, and of course shes perfect.

Thing is, I dont see any way of enjoying the family holiday for all of us with them now.
Weve saved for two years for this holiday because we intended to take them too. We booked it and chipped away at the cost. DH had a call last month where his dad said that they're wanting to go, but they've not managed to save anything for their own spends. DH as always, that's fine, we will figure it all out. Hes good to them.

I think he was upset, but it's got to the point where he seems to view them more as grandparents of my daughter and not his parents.

They bought him a birthday card and sent it to our house, he opened it and threw it in the bin. They got us an anniversary card that's entitled for "a special couple" which I think he saw as a kick in the teeth because hes their son, I think it just hit a nerve that it didnt say son and daughter in law.

He avoids spending much time with them at this point
I think we were both shared in the view that we would bond over this holiday, but both regret it now because we dont want to spend 2 weeks around them.

Thanks for all the well wishes, I hope so too. He is the most gentle, loving man who has been a wonderful father figure. It just hurts so much that she would say that about her son. Hes always been an excellent father figure to DD.

In her 50s. I thought so.

OP this sounds pretty shit, even your DH doesn't like them! Can you and he have a discussion about going LC? Does the holiday have to go ahead? Have you looked at or talked about the Fear Obligation and Guilt theory - FOG? Sometimes when partners read that it really brings it home to them and makes these dysfunctional relationships seem clearer. Here's a link I found but other posters might come on with more info:
outofthefog.website/toolbox-1/2015/11/17/fog-fear-obligation-guilt

I'm so sorry she hurt you by that remark but she wouldn't have meant to

WTAF?? You, Bluerussian, are the same poster who basically wrote 'they wouldn't have meant to' about parents who covered up sexual abuse in another thread just now! What are you trying to achieve here exactly? Bored or something? Jog on with your nonsense.

She sounds socially inept rather than deliberately malicious, I’d say. Does she often say things out of turn?

No excuse. None. And it makes no odds whether she often speaks out of turn or not.

Some things are unforgivable. And sometimes, unfortunately, once someone has revealed themselves for what they truly are it's somethin something you can't later unsee. It's down to the individual to decide whether they can forgive or not, and if they can't, fair play. It wasn't them who destroyed the relationship with outright cruelty.

I don't think I could feel the same way about her again.

I'm sorry about your 10-year infertility struggle, OP. I was once in this position. It's emotional, all-encompassing, invasive, painful, and it takes over your entire life. I hope that someday soon you will get your miracle.

Absolutely no excuse whatsoever.

Your poor husband and poor you.

I would be trying to cancel the holiday.

Stress like them is the very last thing you need.

Low low contact is the only way to go.

Life is just too short to be listening to that type of BS.

Dreadful woman.

The best of luck with your fertility treatment.

Ime some mils have no filter. When we told mil I was pregnant she told us accidents happen!
Behind dh's back she told me all about how his ex wanted his babies!!
We have been nc since ds was a few weeks old....
Recommend it!!