That he can be himself, and the family need to accept and respect that?

[ttrt]

I've got a sibling who has had a really tough time in life, from losing their Dad at an early age and then lots of upheaval in their home life over many years, I wouldn't have liked to walk even a few yards in their shoes even now never mind as a child and teen.

For almost 16 years I've had a sister, and for much of her life as well as the typical big brother tormenting role, I've also had to take her Dad's place too, which was certainly quite a challenge given I was younger then than she is now!

Over the past couple of years she's really struggled with her identity and who she really was, coming to the realisation that whilst she was still the same person inside that she has always been and always would be, the body wasn't the right fit. Ultimately this led to a diagnosis of gender dysphoria and moving towards their new identity.

I'm now very proud to say that I have an incredible younger brother who is living his life to the full and so much happier now he doesn't feel he has to hide away who he is and feel trapped pretending to be somebody and something he isn't.

Anybody familiar with this journey will know that there is an awful long way to go, and no doubt many more bumps in the road as he strives to find happiness and to be comfortable in his own body and who he is, but he's come such a long way in a really short space of time, and I really couldn't be any prouder if I tried.

The medical side of things will all take a lot longer, its a slow process but rightly so because such physical changes are a lot for him to deal with and process, never mind those around him! This morning however he (and we) have taken a massive step forward, by completing the process necessary to legally change his name. He has chosen to live as a boy as much as he's been able to for the past 12 months, but legally he's still been girls name". Once this process is finalised, he will legally be called boys name*, and will be able to leave behind the name he's hated for so long once and for all, moving forward with the next step of his journey and living the rest of his life as the person he really is.

When he first told me how he felt, which feels like a lifetime ago now, I just remember thinking that I couldn't imagine not being happy and comfortable in my own body and feeling like I was living a lie, and that was as an adult never mind during the most emotionally challenging of teenage years. But at the same time overwhelming respect that he was brave enough to do something about it, and intense love for the person trapped inside - after all, what's on the outside is just packaging, it's part of who you are at that time but it doesn't have define who you are inside and who you will be in the future.

Our Mum whilst struggling with some aspects of the transition could not be more supportive, and most of the family are exactly the same. His circle of friends love him for who he is, and I'm sure they'd defend him no matter what should the need ever arise, not that it ever has so far.

One relative, however, remains adamant that it's a "phase", and that they aren't going to use his new name, refer to him as male using male pronouns or respect this journey he has embarked upon. AIBU to think that if they love him they will be able to do exactly this, no matter how conflicted they may feel? Surely the wellbeing of somebody you love and care about comes first?

It doesn't / didn't. Until the trans lobby started insisting that transwomen are women, that girl guides should be single gender not single sex, that male bodied people should be allowed to compete in female events etc. there are evangelists in every walk of life though. Not all of trans people believe this to be the case, in fact there is a huge divide within the trans community over this because the majority just want to live their lives but it’s like everything, they who shout the loudest garner the most attention.

There is a small group of radical feminists who destroy the reputation of the rest of feminism by becoming offended at everything, going on marches etc etc, the same for climate change protesters, for people of religious persuasion, and those who do not share such radical views don’t like being tarred with the same brush and rightly so. In fact in the instance of e.g. feminism many women (myself included) would not want to be identified as a feminist because the few over-vocal ones mean I might be considered to be one of them.

The trans lobby is no different, yet the radical feminists have made the point that it’s all trans people who think like this when actually, it’s not.

The trans lobby is no different, yet the radical feminists have made the point that it’s all trans people who think like this when actually, it’s not.

I don't think so. But unfortunately the 'trans people who think like that' are the ones getting listened to. The ones shouting transphobic if you don't go along with them. The ones getting into schools, and guides, and the NSPCC, and encouraging them to throw basic sex based safeguarding out of the window. That's the problem.

What's not to say that a person is female but the construction of their body is incorrect and has male-typical parts or characteristics?

The construction of the male body is the only thing that makes a male person male. There is literally no other definition.

A female can feel awkward in her female body (as most of us do during adolescence) but that does not make her male.

He chooses to dress in clothing which tends to be stereotyped as male rather than female. He chooses to wear a binder so that his chest has a more male physical appearance. He has his hair cut in a style more usually seen on males than females.

You know what? If at 15 I had had the choice, I would have chosen Boy, not Girl.
But I didnt have a choice and neither does anyone . It's not "bigoted" it's just fact.
Maybe tell your sister she can be a short haired, trouser wearing, woman fancying awesome female. Maybe she doesn't NEED to embrace stereotypes?

There are intersex conditions. These are rare. Their existence does not alter the fact that humans are a sexually dimorphism species.
I cannot see how colluding with distressed young people in delusions to the contrary is kind or in their long term interest.

He chooses to wear a binder so that his chest has a more male physical appearance.

This is really dangerous!

How old are you? You refer to yourself as a 'dad' figure for your sibling.

Surely the wellbeing of somebody you love and care about comes first?

If you were any sort of parent figure you would know that sometimes looking after the wellbeing of a child involves saying no to things, or at least discouraging harmful choices.

If you're feeling all parental you should pay attention to this video too:

It's a good idea for people in parental roles to keep an eye on children's online activities. Who are they talking to?

You are right that showing love and compassion is so important, and do use their choice or name but also be aware that it's not a linear path, young people especially with complicated circumstances can come to the conclusion that a new identity will help them with their past, Ive seen it a few times and in around half the cases they revert to their birth gender. So embrace yet allow them to know that you support them whatever they choose in the future and I would discourage medical intervention for as long as possible.

TooManyPaws - So what would you say to those intersex people who have lived all their lives as either male or female and then only find out what their chromosomes actually say?

I would say, 'I'm so sorry you've been dragged into this shitty clusterfuck yet again, you must be heartily sick of it. I'll go and find that excellent FondOfBeetles thread ...'

threadreaderapp.com/thread/1110254156705644549.html

In fact as a female to male transsexual he would be infinitely more vulnerable if he demanded to go into male only spaces

Yes, this is another danger you need to be aware of OP, especially as your sibling will still be in full time education. What arrangements have the school made wrt toilets, PE, overnight trips etc.? Whose guidance are they following? Most of it drives a truck through safeguarding.

The path this child is currently pursuing is fraught with all sorts of dangers and each step further along that path, the harder it is to step off. Social transition is not harmless.

You are encouraging this child to view you as a parental figure.

Being a parent is not just supporting whatever your child wants without any critical thought. It's using your greater experience, maturity and wisdom to foresee the dangers in their path before they do themselves irreparable harm, and then doing what you can to prevent that harm. If you don't know what the dangers are then it's your duty as a parental figure to find out. Even if you worry it might be 'bigoted' to even ask questions.

Parenting teens can be incredibly tough. Step up or step away.

NoCauseRebel - About ten years ago I posted here about a friend whose husband came out as trans and who was struggling to come to terms with it. The view at that point was very much that this man must have been struggling all his life with these feelings and that while my friend definitely needed support, it should not be forgotten how much of a struggle this must have been for her husband.

So what’s changed?

Good old fashioned consciousness raising

Ordinary women, coming together, sharing their experiences and recognising patterns of male behaviour. The personal is political and all that.

For any woman who finds herself in this situation I recommend the trans widows threads on the feminism topic.