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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want the window closed in this heat !

49 replies

vszion · 05/07/2019 19:32

Ok so a bit of background info - I am 14 weeks pregnant and i suffer terribly with hayfever.
Nothing works for me except the steroid jab which i cannot currently have due to being pregnant.

My partner is arguing with me because I want the windows closed and saying I am selfish because he feels like he cant breath with no fresh air, I am well aware of how hot it is and i am also uncomfortable but I do have a fan on in every room ( which he is also complaining about because of the use of electric all day)
I have explained to him that i am also hot and i know it isnt nice but he knows how bad i get if the windows have been open especially in the night time, I am up all night in such discomfort and then the next day because i am tired as well as uncomfortable because of hayfever it just makes me feel rubbish all day.
I spoke to my friend and she thinks i am being unfair because she says she also feels like she cant breath and she feels claustrophobic if the windows aren't open so she has me second guessing myself.

I am aware I am hormonal and very emotional right now but i honestly just feel like he is being a pr* about it and I am contemplating telling him to go and stay somewhere else until hayfever season is over .

Am I really being unfair ?

OP posts:
Paraballa · 05/07/2019 19:37

Yanbu. His imagined asphyxia does not trump your actual hay fever.

Original poster
vszion · 05/07/2019 19:59

@paraballa
Thank you ! :)

OP posts:
MyNewBearTotoro · 05/07/2019 20:04

Can you compromise by having one room in the house with the window in for him to sit in and the rest with them closed?

Myheartbelongsto · 05/07/2019 20:06

YABU to me.

Hormones are nothing to do with it.

tealandteal · 05/07/2019 20:09

OP do you live with my mother. She stormed out over this last year and I think we will fall out again this year. I have tried explaining that we keep the windows closed in the heat of the day and open them once it cools down but she thinks we are missing out on this magic "fresh air". Even though she admits it is nice and cool in the house. You are pregnant so short of any medical needs, what you want trumps what he wants.

AverageMummy · 05/07/2019 20:10

I see both sides & without knowing how hot / how effective the fans are it’s impossible for me to decide who’s being unreasonable

He shouldn’t sit in a furnace & you shouldn’t be forced to be ill

ValleyoftheHorses · 05/07/2019 20:12

If you are pregnant with his child your wants and needs trump his, regardless!

purplecorkheart · 05/07/2019 20:13

I can see both sides too. Do you have enough space that certain rooms can have the window open with the doors closed and other rooms with both closed.

SkintAsASkintThing · 05/07/2019 20:16

YANBU. Hayfever has been really awful this year. The air stinks of dust where I am.

And fans cost literally pennies to run, I think it's something daft like 4p a day........could he stretch to an air purifier ?? That could help a little. I've resorted to using those hayfever face wipes. They do help a fair bit.

Original poster
vszion · 05/07/2019 20:16

To be fair it is quite warm but the fans are efficient enough for me and I am not unbearably hot.
I tried to make the compromise that we keep the kitchen and living room windows open but with the blinds down but he wants the bedroom windows open aswell.
I did sleep in the living room the other day because he had the windows open in the bedroom but the sofa is leather so it was just uncomfortable and i didnt really sleep.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 05/07/2019 20:21

Can you use separate rooms? I would feel unbearably uncomfortable if I couldn’t open the windows but I can appreciate your difficulty too.

Is there a compromise?

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 05/07/2019 20:21

Invest in an ac unit for the bedroom. Do you have a spare bedroom? There are several solutions to this problem. Why are you both antagonising each other?

user1474542454 · 05/07/2019 20:22

I have always heard that in the heat you should keep the curtains closed and windows shut until the nighttime then open them. I have explained this to my MIL a million times when she comes in and opens the patio doors, curtains basically everything and moan that she's hot.

Ragwort · 05/07/2019 20:22

If you are pregnant then he should be on the sofa.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/07/2019 20:22

It would drive me potty to have the windows closed. I'd absolutely hate it. But 14 weeks pregnant, can't have medication, you still win.

Bowl of ice in front of a fan is a mini a/c unit.

Expressedways · 05/07/2019 20:24

Sleep in separate bedrooms- he can have the windows open, you can have them closed. If you don’t have a spare room, he can have the living room with the windows open and you can have the bedroom and keep the windows closed (you’re pregnant so you deserve the bed).

Original poster
vszion · 05/07/2019 20:25

@AverageMummyAverageMummy it isn't uncomfortably warm right now however its normally the night time that he gets hot and bothered which i do emphasize with because i am also hot and bothered but i really do think the fans work fine it would be of course nicer to have a window open and the air from outside aswell but it just makes it so unbearable for me.

@Myheartbelongsto Do you mean the hormones have nothing to do with me being unreasonable or the hormones have nothing to do with my hay fever ? Because i am aware that the hormones don't effect my hay fever but they definitely do effect how i react to things so sometimes without realizing i may be being unreasonable because my hormones are making me more emotional about things i dont normally care about however even if i was not pregnant and hormonal i would probably still not want to suffer with my hay fever every night.

OP posts:
itsbetterthanabox · 05/07/2019 20:25

The air isn't any fresher that's his imagination.
Get a cooling unit or air con box.
Yanbu as long as its kept cool which in the day having the window open isn't doing at anyway.

Original poster
vszion · 05/07/2019 20:29

no spare rooms just a sofa which is leather so neither of us want to sleep on it cause its just not comfortable but i suppose i could sleep on it for the next 2 weeks to save the arguments.

He does work longer hours than me so he needs his sleep just as much as me however i also do work and look after our 4 year old and do everything around the house and I am growing our child so maybe i win the who needs more sleep battle, i just wish he was being a little bit more considerate i suppose.

OP posts:
Pebbles16 · 05/07/2019 20:29

Er. Obviously many Pp do not have hay fever which is currently horrific.
We live in central London so "fresh air" is a bit of a moot point but DH loves an open window. However, I CANNOT breathe through my nose at the moment. We have two windows open for a through wind but DH pays the price with snoring.

Ragwort · 05/07/2019 20:29

Have you got another bedroom?

Ragwort · 05/07/2019 20:30

Move in with your child.

Jimjamjong · 05/07/2019 20:33

yanbu, he can put a towel on the sofa and sleep there.

Original poster
vszion · 05/07/2019 20:35

@Pebbles16 It is horrific and we also live in London, I agree the air isnt even fresh. I found myself crying in the shower at 3 o clock in the morning the other day to try and unblock my nostrils and get the pollen out of my eyes etc, its just vile.. the next 3 weeks need to hurry up.

@ragwort I cant sleep on my childs bed because its one of them kids beds with the slide and im pretty sure it cant take my weight but i am considering going out in a moment and buying a blow up bed.

OP posts:
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 05/07/2019 20:36

I had hayfever badly as a child. I grew out of it, and have barely noticed I had it for the past decade. Even that yellow rapeseed doesn't affect me the way it used to.

This year my eyes have been itching and sore and I've been sneezing like mad. And I don't even suffer badly with the thing - it must be sheer misery for those who do.

Re. open windows, quite often the advice is to keep them closed when it's hotter outside than inside, as all you are doing is letting hot air in!

Aircon unit might be the way to go here.

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