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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not be bothered I outweigh my fb?

51 replies

cyclingwith3 · 05/07/2019 08:01

He’s constantly gently teasing me as he is lighter than me and we are the same height exactly (5’9 and a half). I’m bordering overweight at 75kg, he’s 71kg so well within healthy range.

The big but though is I’m confident I’m fitter and carrying muscle. He does zero exercise, like zero, but eats less. I am active. I do yoga daily, he can’t keep up. I can cycle further and faster and not be dead the next day, I can run 5k in 30min and feel fine. I’m generally active, not a gym go-er or training but generally active as can be with three small kids. He gets back pain a lot and fatigue, I feel good. I scoot with kids everywhere, walk a lot, swim during their swimming lessons and generally find time to get active with or without them. I often cycle with two in the trailer.

He thinks I’m making excuses. Obviously I could be a bit lighter, I’m not planning to gain weight. We’re just in disagreement over who has the best approach here! With neither approach being perfect. My diet I’d say is pretty healthy, just too much food at times...

OP posts:
itsbetterthanabox · 05/07/2019 08:04

Um tell him to stop being a prick about your weight its none of his concern.

manicinsomniac · 05/07/2019 08:05

YANBU

But who's an fb? Firstborn? If so, he's being rude! Grin

cyclingwith3 · 05/07/2019 08:09

Typo- DH, weird autocorrect!

OP posts:
cyclingwith3 · 05/07/2019 08:11

It’s not btw like he is putting me down, more a disagreement on the right approach.

OP posts:
MsMustDoBetter · 05/07/2019 08:20

Give him shit about being weedy/flabby whatever and see how he likes it!

itsbetterthanabox · 05/07/2019 08:22

Right approach on what?

trackingmedown · 05/07/2019 08:29

Why does there have to be a right or wrong appproach? Can’t there be two valid but differing approaches?

PurpleDaisies · 05/07/2019 08:30

What do you think the “right approach” is?

Halloumimuffin · 05/07/2019 08:31

I'd be concerned that he can't outdo you in any physical activity at a healthy weight! I run about 20 miles a week but my sofa bound DP still easily outruns me in a 5k.

EvaHarknessRose · 05/07/2019 08:32

What kind of nice guy constantly goes on about his wife losing weight?

LagunaBubbles · 05/07/2019 08:32

I opened this thing it was about Facebook! Grin

chugmonkey · 05/07/2019 08:34

If I understand you correctly OP, your DH thinks low weight is more important than fitness, that is nonsense. If you were obese then perhaps he may have a point about the increased cancer risk but still your fitness is much more relevant. Even slender people can be carrying a dangerous amount of fat around vital organs.
You're fine OP, he's being daft.

Weepingwillow5 · 05/07/2019 08:36

You are fit and healthy - he isn’t . He should be worrying about that

Wereallsquare · 05/07/2019 08:40

He sounds small in every sense of the word.

Bluthbanana · 05/07/2019 08:41

You are physically fitter than him, but could well have more visceral fat than him putting you at greater risk of heart problems and diabetes. Obviously I know nothing about what you actually eat, or what weighing more than him actually means in this context, but as the saying goes you can’t out-run a bad diet.

user87382294757 · 05/07/2019 08:47

Yes there is evidence saying waist to hip or height is a better measure of fitness anyway. You can be 'skinny fat' which is not healthy and still have a normal BMI

user87382294757 · 05/07/2019 08:49

Maybe he is secretly jealous! My DH is also a bit like this, he eats very little and is skinny but I don;t think very healthy, he has a chronic illness related to inflammation. and doesn't exercise much. I just ignore it and do as I want!

cyclingwith3 · 05/07/2019 08:49

I have a healthy waist-hip ratio, as does he. Neither of us have a big waist (and I point out I’ve had 5 kids and am peri-menopausal so that’s good in my book!)

OP posts:
SweatyYFronts · 05/07/2019 08:50

I thought this was about Facebook ... then when I read the OP I assumed he was a fuck buddy 😂

Thingsdogetbetter · 05/07/2019 08:56

I've been doing free weights for 3 months, have put on weight but lost enough inches that people have commented. I was a healthy bmi to start with. Muscle is heavier then fat! It's a fact. Challenge him to a body fat test. Cheeky fucker. I'd say he's insecure about being less fit than you, and hitting back at the weight 'difference' to make himself feel better. Next time poke his none existent muscles and just say 'yes dear' in a sneering voice.

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 05/07/2019 08:58

What age is he?

He's at risk of sarcopenia as he gets older.

My DH is the same weight as yours. I didn't realise how frail and fat he'd got. I used to get grief off people as he was quite thin-looking.

He decided to pretty light weights & do some conditioning & it's been a revelation. I reckon he's lost 10+% body fat. Being lean, he's developed good definition & his bum is back.

I weigh considerably more than him!

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 05/07/2019 09:01

His visceral fat might be quite high too.

If he has muscle pain & fatigue, then he is starting issues that will cause real frailty.

Confrontayshunme · 05/07/2019 09:03

My DF is 6'4" and skinny but flabby. My DM is overweight but exercises 4 or 5 days a week, gardens and moves all the time. He is getting to where he barely picks his feet up and shuffles because his mobility is more limited. He is the one with borderline diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol who has had a heart stent and advancing vascular dementia. Yet he has always made comments about how SHE is the unhealthy one. It drives me nuts. Weight and build don't determine overall fitness.

WeeMadArthur · 05/07/2019 09:06

You are likely to have less visceral fat than him purely because women tend to store their fat subcutaneously (showing up as cellulite) whereas men are more likely to store it viscerally. You sound far healthier than he does, he could be storing up trouble for the future if he doesn’t do more exercise. You need to tell him to stop mentioning your weight.

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 05/07/2019 09:11

The wakeup call for my DH was that I took him to a fitness thing & he could lift very, very small dumbbells whilst lunging.

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