To not be bothered I outweigh my fb?

[cyclingwith3]

He’s constantly gently teasing me as he is lighter than me and we are the same height exactly (5’9 and a half). I’m bordering overweight at 75kg, he’s 71kg so well within healthy range.

The big but though is I’m confident I’m fitter and carrying muscle. He does zero exercise, like zero, but eats less. I am active. I do yoga daily, he can’t keep up. I can cycle further and faster and not be dead the next day, I can run 5k in 30min and feel fine. I’m generally active, not a gym go-er or training but generally active as can be with three small kids. He gets back pain a lot and fatigue, I feel good. I scoot with kids everywhere, walk a lot, swim during their swimming lessons and generally find time to get active with or without them. I often cycle with two in the trailer.

He thinks I’m making excuses. Obviously I could be a bit lighter, I’m not planning to gain weight. We’re just in disagreement over who has the best approach here! With neither approach being perfect. My diet I’d say is pretty healthy, just too much food at times...

I’m heavier that my DF. He has been skinny all his life and can eat whatever he wants but he doesn’t have a healthy diet. He must eat about 6 pieces of white bread with lunch, loads of cheese plus crisps and probably a jacket potato too.
I am a size 14/16 and eat a much more balanced diet, I just find it hard to fit in excercise and could probably cut down on my portion sizes a bit,

I'm a bit lost to what his approach is exactly?

Is it just to be as light as possible?

Really, it's all down to body composition. If you're 11stone with 30% body fat, you're not as healthy as someone the same weight with 20% body fat, who will look more compact & be able to move more easily. Probably less visceral fat too.

The same person could be unhealthy if they have 10% body fat (female) as they might struggle with metabolic adaptations, do non period as that's not essential.

What's Facebook got to do with your weight?😁

I think every human has their own "right approach" that works for them. There's no one answer. My DH loves nothing more than a 100 mile cycle. I do free weights and yoga. He's got the lung capacity of a whale, but I can bend and fold joints that he can barely control. Don't compare. What's right for one doesn't mean its right for all. He should open his mind.

I’d stop telling him what you weigh from now on, and tell him to focus on gaining some strength by building exercise into his daily routine.

He thinks I’m making excuses.

Why would he think that an adult needs to make excuses to him? What a controlling twat.

You shouldn't have to explain - including in your OP - about all the exercise you take (my head swam!). You're healthy, and happy with your weight, that's all that matters.

He’s really quite thick, isn’t he.

If it's coming from a place of genuine concern about your health (as opposed to him just wanting you to look thinner) then I think you could say to him "I'm a slightly unhealthy weight which may increase my health risks in the future. You are very unfit which definitely increases your health risks in the future and is already causing you problems. So we either commit to each other and ourselves that we tackle both of these issues together for the long term good of our family, or you shut up about it." If he's up for it, make an activity and food plan for the whole family, and if he doesn't stick to it, he loses the right to say a word about what he thinks you should do for your health.

I'm fat and about 4stone heavier than the bodybuilder I'm seeing. I'm not sure why your DH thinks it's ok to be critical of your weight when it's clearly just a number, as you are obviously fit.

There is nothing wrong with your weight at all, especially if you re fit and healthy with a good muscle mass.

Excuses for what-hes a man your a woman for a start-different human beings

He is the one with borderline diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol who has had a heart stent and advancing vascular dementia. Yet he has always made comments about how SHE is the unhealthy one. It drives me nuts. Weight and build don't determine overall fitness

Yep. My dad was a bodybuilder, cricketer and footballer in his youth, then took up distance running in middle age, was always fit and slim, and hardly ever drank alcohol, never smoked, though actually his diet wasn't great. Far too much meat, bread and sugar, not enough variety to give him all the nutrients and certainly not enough fruit and veg. He had two hip operations and osteoarthritis but after various ops he was still going to the gym three times a week and walking the dog every day aged 78, then had a massive heart attack, nearly died. Three years later he died of heart failure.

My mum is a bit overweight and diabetic, but has bundles of energy at 80, no joint or movement problems at all, looks fifteen years younger, eats a bit too much but a real variety of food and loads of fruit and veg and is always on her feet. She also smoked 20 a day for many years but knocked that on its head in her fifties after having a mild heart attack herself. She likes a drink as well, though probably only has 5-10 units a week as a absolute maximum.

My dad was fit but never listened to his body. He didn't understand thins like not going for a run if you were a bit tired. I say listen to your body and eat properly but enjoy yourself as well, and above all, be kind to yourself.

First born?
Friend with benefits?
Not Facebook?

If he thinks that lighter = healthier, he needs to get educated. I fail fitness tests all the time on the basis that I'm 40kg (164cm) and simply cannot carry the kit for the run. I can run 10k in 36 minutes twice over, but I have to rely on others to help me carry. It's led to all sorts of issues, including not having enough muscle to protect me. I got shot in the spine several years ago, and the damage caused was even worse because I have so little resilience. Yet I'm lighter than him, so better, right?

If he really thinks 4kg is a difference worth teasing about, I'd take him a long to get body fat tested etc. and bask in the glory of his embarrassment. You sound awesome, healthy and fit - good for you!

He’s definitely carrying less weight in the brain department.

Weight is only one aspect - there's muscle content, fat distribution, water percentage, visceral fat etc. No point being 'light' if it means you have no muscle and are dehydrated, for example!

I pretty much ignore my weight, and go on how I look and feel, what clothes I fit into etc.

Consider getting one of those scales that give you not just weight but water percentage, muscle mass, bone density, visceral fat etc. They're a bit expensive, but it's useful information.

Aside from that, your DH's approach of zero exercise is clearly a failing one - he will probably be low on muscle, and exercise has many benefits both for the body (including bones) and the mind.

(PS I thought you meant your f* buddy! )

When dating my now husband he always said he'd leave me if I got heavier then him (half teasing half serious), when I was 9m pregnant I was about 5kg lighter then him and I hated discussing my weight. Not that we really did and obviously we knew it was because of the baby. These days I'm about 63kg to his 80. However I'm only 5ft 5in to his 5ft 10. Personally id never want to be heavier then my dh id be embarrassed but if youre happy and know youre healthy Tell him to piss off

The right approach to what exactly? Him getting a better personality and stopping being such a prick?

When dating my now husband he always said he'd leave me if I got heavier then him (half teasing half serious)

what a lovely guy

and you buying into that

When dating my now husband he always said he'd leave me if I got heavier then him (half teasing half serious)

And you're genuinely ok with the fact your husband loves you conditionally that way? That something that might be beyond your control is a condition of him loving you?

My husband and I, in a very literal sense, love each other both thick and thin! I would be disgusted if he didn't.

I weigh more than my dh -its not great but he doesnt tell me he'll leave me or anything like that-i mean how shallow can you get

this is why doctors have such a hard time with judging by bmi and weight etc.becasue that can be a load of bollocks.you can have 2 people the same heigh who look totally different and you have to judge by other thing by how ehalthy they are.you could be even heavier than you are than him and still sound healthier.because your healthy and fitter.weight means bugger all in most circumstances like this.

this is why doctors have such a hard time with judging by bmi and weight etc.

Doctors really don’t.

Anyone with a brain has no trouble at all judging general fitness and good health and making allowances for the limitations of BMI (which again, anyone with a brain knows is such a general guideline).

I thought it was your fuck buddy!