to feel sick that my ex is now married? *warning, discussion of exes like of 'jailbait' and young girls*

[namechange6890]

I split up with my ex partner because I found his 'primejailbait' account. This site thankfully doesn't exist anymore. He had numerous photos on there of young girls, fully clothes but in skimpy outfits. Scarily, these had been stolen from peoples facebooks by the looks of things and were all of girls in dancing outfits, bikinis on the beach etc. He had a thing for shiny materials hence. The girls he was looking at were young, in the range of 4-8.

Shockingly, the police weren't interested as the images hadn't been downloaded and weren't illegal as the children were fully clothed. I left him. Felt sick I had been with him for so long. Told very few people and confided in those I trusted and put it to the back of my mind as there was absolutely zero I could do.

He's now married. I've just seen on Facebook as a mutual friend left a congrats message. There are comments on there about how they'll be having babies soon and I feel sick.

I don't know how to get rid of this horrible feeling and even though I did all I could to get the police involved before, I wish I could've done more.

She probably has no clue that her husband is in to this shit.

Do I just put it out of my mind and carry on with life?

sorry cross posted.

think for a few days. dont do anything in a rush.

I'm sorry but there is nothing useful you can do. His new wife is going to tell you to fuck off, because he will have told her already that you are a jealous crazy bitch who can't let him go and wants to ruin his life. The pictures are, as you say, not technically illegal. For your own wellbeing, you have to let this go.

I think you're right @ReanimatedSGB - as shit and heartbreaking as it is

I don't often say it but could you call ss to explain. Maybe they can dig up the info needed (possibly via the police from what they know) to keep tabs should she get pregnant.

I think you should tell her. Yes she’ll probably tell you to fuck off, but a seed of doubt will be sown in her mind, and she’ll be vigilant. Maybe she’ll even catch him out. So it’s worth it.

Leave it until they have kids. Then inform social services so they can keep a close watch.
There is nothing else you can do. What he did isn't illegal. He may not be an active paedophile. He may never think of his own kids in that way. Leave it to the pros if you can, stay well out of it.

Unless she has a young daughter, I wouldn't do anything.

The minute they have children I'd tell SS and either tell the wife myself or a friend of hers if you have one. Who cares if you get told to fuck off? At least the wife might have enough warning to be vigilant

Tell her. Even if she doesn't believe you or listen, it will be in the back of her mind should she have children with him. Hopefully that will be enough to protect them. It's not just the children she'll have with him, many don't actually harm their own kids - though obviously some do - but having children invites a lot more children into their lives.

What a horrific situation to be in! I absolutely understand why you feel the need to warn her and feel sick.

Yes, she will most likely think you are a jealous, spiteful ex but as a PP said the seed will be planted.

If the officer you spoke to was understanding of your report (terrible but he really wasn't breaking any law) could you possibly speak to him to see if you are crossing any legal boundaries by telling her?

Harassment is pretty much defined as as two or more unwanted communication within in a short space of time which this would not be. I am not sure about slander but you are telling an individual person rather than spreading it so it may not apply. Speak to someone with legal experience because I would be exactly the same as you and it would eat me up.

Sorry I can't be of more help. You did the right thing.

namechange6890 I think you should tell her if you feel able to. And if not, that is fine. You are not responsible for him. If you cannot face speaking to her then you are responsible for him. I wonder if you will feel better if you tell her. Maybe you will feel that you have passed on that bit of information and you can relax.

in your shoes I might see if i can see a counselor as you are still affected by this.

You could also talk to the police again. If you tell her the truth I do not see how you can be breaking any laws. I mean you can say exactly what happened and just that. You are not calling him a pedophile etc. If you are worried there is any potential legal ramifications, ask the police.

Good luck, and whatever happens you are not to blame and it is not your fault. You were unlucky enough to get mixed up with him.

Jesus. Sick to my stomach OP.

Maybe write a letter to the wife and send it to her work. If it's anonymous, they equally can no more prove it was you than you can prove he's a paedophile. For added security, perhaps travel to a different part of the country to send it and get an unusal postmark.

Keep the letter as emotion free as possible though. Don't get sidetracked. Keep it concise and don't judge her. Give her enough info to make her own decision and then move on with your life.

Could even write something like "I was a close friend of Jim's ex-wife. Before I moved away, she confided in me that the reason for her leaving him..."

Send her a letter explaining exactly what you found and the ages of the girls involved. Do it before she has a child with him, after may be too late. Tell her it made you feel sick and just want to inform her so she can be vigilant.

Tell the wife

Tell the police

Tell the health visitors

Etc

The police will have an incident ref number for the report you made with them

Honestly for the sake of the future kids I would have to try everything I could, even if the wife denies it, even if the police do nothing, I just would have to know j did what I could to protect the future kids.....

I think jameswongs suggestion is great. Best route

Drop it OP. Whatever you do, his new DP will simply assume you're a bat-shit crazy ex out for revenge.

I would either tell her or his parents if they are around and you had a relationship with them. How long were you with him? What reason do mutual friends/family think you split up? what did he say about the account and its content/name?

I hate the idea of an anonymous letter to be honest. I would be less likely to trust this and more likely to think it vindictive than a personal approach.

Think jameswong's suggestion is great.

The best revenge is living well. You cannot worry about all future kids, back off and have your own life.

You're being primed people. Read back what that sad story said. No way could anyone prove anything. IT was just men are shit and he may have done this...One day this crap judgement could come for you,

Don’t tell her. Stay out of it. I agree with those who posted she’ll think you’re a crazy ex. The worst thing is it could bounce back in you.

Please tell her and don't sugar coat it so that he can dismiss it as something he accidentally clicked on tell her in specific terms exactly what images he had. Please do it.

Even if she thinks you are.the crazy ex. So fucking what. It will always stay in the back of her mind even if she does have children with him she will have her eyes wide open and can protect them.

She will probably tell you to fuck off but it will leave that seed and possibly she might, even subconsciously, watch him a little closer around the children