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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel resentful towards DH.

26 replies

MorocconOil · 27/07/2007 17:25

DH does a very stressful job and I am a SAHM of 3 dc aged 7,5 and 2. I have been looking after Dc all week. It has been hard work keeping them all happy, shopping, cooking and cleaning etc.

DH came home early to take them to see Transformers. I was left with dd(2) and the shopping to do and all the clearing up. It seems like he got the easy bit, but if I'd gone to the cinema, nothing would have got done at home.

Sorry for moaning, but already feel better for getting it off my chest.

OP posts:
PestoMonster · 27/07/2007 17:33

I don't blame you, but I suppose at least you only had one dc under your feet whilst you were doing it.

It would be exactly the same here, except my DH wouldn't take my dds off my hands unless I came too... At least yours will take some of them off your hands for a bit. Mine refuses to, says the DDs are my job

Original poster
MorocconOil · 27/07/2007 17:40

Oh no PM, when do you ever get any time off then?

TBH apart from doing the shopping I've been sat on MN. The house is such a tip I don't know where to start. Anyway it'll be a mess again so why bother? Will try and get DH to cook some sausages for tea when they get back.

OP posts:
PestoMonster · 27/07/2007 18:41

I don't really get time off unless they are at school. But in the hols I often go to the gym once they are in bed, just to get de-stressed!

Carnoodleusfudge · 27/07/2007 18:44

This happens in our house - I am the big bad tidy up/homework/naggy monster and Daddy does cinema/theme parks and Pizza Express.

DirtyGertiefromnumber30 · 27/07/2007 18:44

i think anyone who ISNT resentful of their dh is being unreasonable...

PestoMonster · 27/07/2007 18:45

Quite agree with you DiryGertiefromnumberthiry (great name btw!)

FluffyMummy123 · 27/07/2007 18:47

Message withdrawn

muppetgirl · 27/07/2007 18:47

WE have a little routine at the weekends. Sat morning I take ds swimming and dh goes to the gym (at the same place) we meet up for brunch.
Sun he takes ds for a swim I can go and spa pool/steam room but prgt atm so hot bed for my bad back instead!

Before I was prgt he came home 'early' on Wed's ( 7.30) so I could go out to the quiz with the 'girls' He goes out with boys from work once in a while but stays over in London as would get back too late.

I really like my sun mornings as I am AWAY from ds and dh so he really has to sort out ds by himself.

mummyplonk · 27/07/2007 18:48

I know exactly how you feel miziman, my "break" is when DP takes our 2 yr old to the park and leaves me with the one year old so I can "relax" and tidy the house in peace, thing is I couldnt suggest a role reversal as he dosnt even know how to use the washing machine

Original poster
MorocconOil · 27/07/2007 19:06

Cod,I have been thinking about going back to work this week because I'm so sick of the drudgery, and DH's sulkiness about going to work.

He's just had a strop because I asked him to cook some bloody sausages. He was crashing around with the grill pan, and tutting because he couldn't find a tea towel to dry his hands on ffs.

We are going out tonight and he is just so unaware of all the hassle it is to get a baby sitter. I really feel like going to bed, but suppose it will be good once we're out. Do I have to talk to him though?!?!

OP posts:
Licey · 27/07/2007 19:17

A bottle of wine should make you feel better :-)
Empathise hugely as dh got back from 5 days in the states, and couldn't put his dc to bed as he had to catchup on emails! I'm 20 weeks pregnant and shattered, and now he's in the shower, whilst I make the dinner and catchup on mn!
Get drunk, and have one for me!

Original poster
MorocconOil · 27/07/2007 19:23

Awww thanks Licey.

I just don't think they see our role as stressful at all, although within minutes of the dc behaving as they do for me he gets really cross and stressed.

Anyway I am on my first glass of wine now,and very nice it is too. Will have one for you too

OP posts:
Licey · 27/07/2007 19:25

Yep, cross dh at dc 'moaning' for 2 mins, got knows what he would do if he had them all day! Have a good night out, and enjoy the vino (v v jealous )

michie40 · 27/07/2007 20:28

Would just like to use this thread for a moan about my DH. I get up at 6.00 in the morning get my two dds up (2yrs and 5months)make his lunch and then drive him to the station. Then spend my days doing the normal house stuff and entertaining my two dds inbetween bf and walking the dog. My dd1 goes to preschool one morning a week which gives me a bit of respite. Then i make dinner bath dds, feed the dog, wash up etc.. and bung the kids in the car and pick DH up from the station at 8pm. By 9 I am a walking zombie. DH is treated like a god by my dd because he spends 10mins each night reading her a story. I know he works hard and does long hours but I would love it if I could have a break one day.

Leati · 27/07/2007 20:45

mimizan,

It sounds like hurt feeling .

You should have gone to the movies, and left the house work and shopping. Those things will still be there later.

MoominMum · 28/07/2007 16:30

Hello all We're new here but as the littl'un is 17 weeks old (antenatally) I figured it was about time I found out what I've let us in for! Hmmm...enlightening! Glad to see the medicinal use of tonic wines (!) crops up quite a lot!

Interested in this thread as I'm going to be the one leaving the house for 8 straight hours of sanity(?!) 5 days a week and my poor man's the one who'll be stuck at home. How do I make sure his life is bearable?

lucyellensmum · 28/07/2007 16:39

moominmum welcome to MN, you should go take a look at the SAHM vs WHOHM threads - then you will realise one thing, damned if you do, damned if you don't. I am a SAHM and loving it (i am going back to work soon though through financial need) and it will be your child that makes DPs life "bearable" - more than that, he will have a great time. We are actually considering that arrangement in our house, i rather think DP is hoping i make that decision and is rather looking forward to it, he is such a great dad. MN is a great place, its a laugh a minute, you just have to ignore the sniping as some people have extremely large high horses.

lucyellensmum · 28/07/2007 16:41

oh and congratulations by the way - being a mum is without doubt the best thing in the world

Judy1234 · 28/07/2007 16:42

GO back to work full time. It's very much worth it. It's very very dull to stay at home and most women end up resenting it which is why the majority do work when the children are small. It puts you on a par with your husband and makes you equal and leads to much better relationships.

MrsSchadenfreude · 28/07/2007 16:45

But my DH spends all weekend asleep and he only has a 5 minute drive to work. I get stuck with the 2 hour commute...

bubblagirl · 28/07/2007 16:45

moomin mum all you can do is make sure you give him some me time as i call it as it really can make you fell isolated my partner works real long hours or works away and i'm on my own with ds 2.3 and is really hard sometimes not having someone say hey i'll do that while you have a bath or read the paper whatever you will be tired from days work and he'll be tired from being full time parent it is more mentally challenging and tiring than physically just do for him what you would expect him to do for you support is best and just making sure he gets time off i'm sure when you get home you would want night time routine for you and baby anyway as your bonding time

mimizan i know how you feel if i dont tell my partner to clean up or do something with ds he wont as he works real long hours when he is off believe me he is off it makes me cross as i never get time off or waited on lol i'm sure we all have same winge lol but yeah i'll clean up after him but he wont for me i've tried leaving it there and guess what thats where it stay untill i move it lol men still he works real long hours to support us and is now making more of a concious effort i need time too

bubblagirl · 28/07/2007 16:50

forgot to congratulate you moominmum it is so great being mummy i would of liked to have gone back to work but due to dp job was unable to work around his very long hours and he wanted one of us to be with ds as he would be away alot iof the time but i think its great the choice you have made dh make great sahd its good to see the role reversal and good luck with rest of pregnancy take it easy

lucyellensmum · 28/07/2007 17:11

NO it is NOT dull being a SAHM, it has its dull bits, but so does work. This is what i mean about not respecting other peoples choices.

bubblagirl · 28/07/2007 17:15

i love being a sahm i would of liked to have worked but as soon as my ds was born i new i didn't want to go back to work it can be challenging but hes my little buddy we are so close and love watching him grow and learn new things i would of hated to have missed out on that but dont judge the mums who need to work i'm just fortunate to not have to work i will a few hours when his at play school full time just to meet people again and have a sence of independence but not while he needs me i'd miss him far too much anyway

MoominMum · 28/07/2007 18:12

Thanx all! I know we can't be sure how it'll work out 'til we get there - when it comes to the day to go back I'll probably go and hide under the bed or something! But as I'm the one who works for now and MoominPop is stuck at home anyway, it seems the only sensible way to plan it. I'm kind of expecting virtually everything we plan to go pear-shaped and nothing ever seeming sensible again 'tho!

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