To think this is odd

[crispysausagerolls]

AIBU to think it’s odd as a guest to take a cake to a first birthday party (without being asked to)?

OP, I think you need to give your head a wobble on this one. It's a cake. Your neighbour is doing a nice thing and you're treating it like she's planning on bringing smallpox to the party. Just get the special photos with your cake and the neighbour cake can be a nice extra.

What’s the matter with you?

There is no need to be rude! In my defence, someone else who was with me IRL when the conversation was happening also thought it was a nice but odd thing to do. As do a few on this thread, my DH and friends IRL.

This has been good to see the other side though, as most people on here wouldn’t be bothered by it. But the level of detail of this party, the theme and how everything has been arranged is akin to a small wedding in scale and perhaps that’s why I find it so odd. But she doesn’t know all of that actually so it’s not her fault. And I can get obsessive about things which is not her fault either!

I’m not being rude. I’m sorry if it came across as though. I just don’t understand how you can get so stressed about someone offering to make a lemon cake for a birthday party. I don’t understand it at all.

YABU.

This is a total non-event. Your neighbour is doing a nice thing by bringing a cake. It won't be THE cake! You know it won't. I have a friend who has to have complete control like this and it's exhausting. Just accept the cake and if it doesn't get eaten on the day eat it another day.

I accept IABU. I am surprised though by how many people don’t think it’s odd to take something to an event where there is already one there/an important or prominent one at that. But I see I am definitely in the minority!

It isn’t odd. I’ve taken sausage rolls, a plate of sandwiches, cakes (!) and maybe a trifle before now to a friend or family’s birthday party, just like taking a bottle of fizz or wine. It’s etiquette not to turn up empty handed. You’re honestly overthinking this so much OP. Just say thank you and put it on the side. Job done!

For my DC's 3rd birthday I decided to be a 'proper' mother and bake an amazing cake in the shape of a favourite toy. Sadly I'm not good at baking (it's tastes fine, just looks dreadful) and ended up with something that would not have looked out of place in a 'Saucy Cake Shop' - much to the horror of DH, who pointed out that I could absolutely not serve that at a child's party!

I'd have been beyond delighted if a neighbour had magically turned up with a cake that wasn't going to look offensive

Go with it, thank her/him, and enjoy it!

Just read the whole thread, and I’m with you op I think it’s more than odd I think it’s cheeky to just announce your bringing a cake to someone’s birthday unless it’s because of allergies etc. I’d be fucked off that she’d asking if her friend and kids could tag along too. I really get the itchy teeth feeling of knowing her cake will be sat in the kitchen when I don’t want the fucking thing there.
I really get the wanting your Dcs birthday to be exactly how you want it and why the hell not. If I matters to you it matters, ignore all the get over yourself comments.

If it was a cheesecake she was bringing would that make you feel differently? Smile and say thank you, cut it up and leave it on the table with the rest of the food and nobody will mistake it for the birthday cake when there's a two tiered cake on the table. I think she's just trying to be nice and is someone who bakes for anything she's invited to. Enjoy the party

It sounds like she is just being kind. A lemon cake isn't at all like a birthday cake. If I am honest I much prefer lemon cake to normal birthday cake so would be pleased that there was an alternative provided.

there was an alternative provided

This is the thing! There is one birthday cake - I don’t want a bloody alternative I want the one cake!

woollymummoth

We are in the minority but I really feel better than someone else understands. Itchy teeth is exactly what it is!

But the level of detail of this party, the theme and how everything has been arranged is akin to a small wedding in scale and perhaps that’s why I find it so odd.

They probably haven't been expected you to go so over the top for a first birthday party. If a party the child won't care about or remember is akin to a small wedding what will you be doing when they're older?

NerrSnerr

I see the first birthday as something different - it’s about the parents, not the child. Of course we have all the toys, games etc for the children but it’s more of a nice garden party thing. To celebrate the first year with extended family and friends and their children. Definitely going to reign it in for the next! But I really enjoy party planning and have the time and resources so thought “why not?”

@crispysausagerolls I'll have the cake if you don't want it 😜.... can't ever have too much cake!

December2019

That would be a win-win arrangement 😂

I can understand why you feel like this. You have put in a lot of effort for the party. You have a theme eg something like Disney, fairies, unicorns, black tie. And the cake doesn't fit with the theme.

However you need to relax as everything will be ok. Just cut the cake up and put it on the table with everything else or leave it in the kitchen.

And if your neighbour does decide to make a huge fuss over her cake push her face in it

Just tell her you don’t want her cake. It will make you feel better knowing there isn’t another cake in the same house as yours. You might come across as weird and baffle your neighbour but who cares eh?!

NoSauce

I’m not sure if you are being sarcastic but I think I’m ok if I come across as weird and baffling (as I suppose this thread has shown me 😁) - I don’t want to come across as rude though!

If it’s going to help you feel better then you could say that you’re fine for the cake. How about some little fairy cakes?

I have messaged her to say that I think it’s so lovely (I do, and she is lovely) but that with the enormous cake we have already I am worried it won’t get eaten (also true), but that it would be fantastic if she could come round during the week for some cake and coffee just us and maybe our other wonderful neighbour. No response yet.