To think this is odd

[crispysausagerolls]

AIBU to think it’s odd as a guest to take a cake to a first birthday party (without being asked to)?

It's a bit odd but nice if it's good intentions.

Just smile, say thank you, and stick it away in the kitchen.

It makes me feel quite strange about myself but the idea of having this additional item that doesn’t “go” with everything else I’ve done and planned is actually making me feel very uncomfortable and unhappy. If I’m being honest I don’t even like the idea of it being in the kitchen because it’s THERE, and although I am grateful for the extremely kind thought I feel a little annoyed that someone thought baking a cake for a first birthday party was a usual thing to do and now I have to include it or work something out. The person also asked me if she could bring a friend she might have staying and the friend’s children. Which I also thought was a little odd but I do like her and she means well so I think I am probably being unreasonable. I just like things in a very particular way and have gone to a huge amount of time and effort for this party.

Is the kitchen idea rude though? Like to put it in the kitchen and everyone is outside and all the food and my cake are outside?

Could you or someone else cut her cake up and put it on the table so it can be eaten but clear indication that it's just dessert, not the cake

Cutting it up is a good idea although I don’t know if she will have decorated it like a birthday cake!

It's a cake not a grenade.

If I was having a normal bbq and someone showed up with a cake it would be very welcome. But at a birthday party for my child’s first birthday I think it’s odd.

Madness.

You don't like the idea of it being in the kitchen because it's there?

It's cake. An extra cake. Sing happy birthday with yours, then... cut them both up and enjoy the cakes.

@bluelemur Hahahahahahaha exactly my thoughts!

the idea of having this additional item that doesn’t “go” with everything else I’ve done and planned

I think you've identified the problem here, OP. You've got your child all the way to their first birthday by being an amazing mum through all the trials and tribulations. You're marking a milestone with this party. Everything must be just so.

Or must it? You're overcontrolling it, and you don't need to. Relax. Step back a moment. Consider... accepting an extra cake - extra food - into the proceedings, how could that ever be a bad thing? It just goes straight into the snack table and gets cut up into slices. Everyone's happy because they can have twice as much cake.

How could a cake 'not go' with everything else?

I was with you until the last couple of posts. It sounds really odd to not even like the idea of a cake being in the kitchen and a cake not going with everything else.

It’s not down to any allergies is it?

Only if my DC are invited to parties I always ask if I can bring cupcakes/cake for them as they’re dairy/soya intolerant but I always ask never just rock up or state that I am.

Close friends ask me to bake something as they’re well aware now.

If not for those reasons I totally get your reasons, with my DC I want to make their main cake I take a lot of joy in choosing the theme & baking it.

No, it’s not allergies - i definitely have a few issues with control and perfectionism etc. But I also don’t like the principle of it because I think it’s overstepping the mark.

with my DC I want to make their main cake I take a lot of joy in choosing the theme & baking it

Thank you for understanding!

Have you asked her what sort of cake - eg a Victoria sponge or a Hey Duggee cake with happy first birthday? That would be a start. Then go from there.

Speak up.

She just said lemon cake - unclear if it would be decorated as a birthday cake or not

I'd think that just sounded like cake so whilst odd I wouldn't get too stressed out about it. I'd cut it and put out with buffet

Have you told her you’ve sorted a birthday cake? Any extra cake would be welcome and eaten in this house

It’s not a buffet, it’s a BBQ. There’s one table for things to stay out on, and it’s going to be full to the brim. My cake is two tiered and absolutely enormous and won’t even get eaten so a second cake definitely won’t.

A lemon cake isn't a birthday cake and I expect the idea is it is to be eaten at the party. Birthday cake is cut up to be taken home.

Maybe she can’t afford to buy a present, maybe she likes making cakes, maybe she’s got too many lemons and eggs left over!

Who cares? Either say no thanks ( that would be weird ) or thank you and leave it in the kitchen! Stop fretting about it!

A lemon cake isn't a birthday cake and I expect the idea is it is to be eaten at the party. Birthday cake is cut up to be taken home

We are going to serve our cake at the party. Also there are 40-50 people coming and I don’t think that she will be making a cake that big so not everyone would get some anyway!

Maybe she can’t afford to buy a present

Presents not required! Can’t I just explain that I don’t think it will get eaten?

Is was my DS’ birthday yesterday and we had my PILs over for lunch. Unexpectedly my MIL brought a birthday cake with her - a proper one, with ‘Happy Birthday xx’ and candles on it. I didn’t mind at all. We sang ‘Happy Birthday’ over that after lunch and then had ‘Happy Birthday’ again over the cake I already had after dinner. And we have lots of cake left over!

Presents not required

Well yes but would you turn up to a birthday party empty handed? She probably thinks she’s doing a good deed. It’s just a cake.

What’s the matter with you?