Do I get NC ex MIL a birthday present from kids?

[Theyroamoverhere]

Hi new poster here.
Background is I'm divorced and exH has no contact. However for 10yrs exMIL has been grandma, lovely at times but total narc, bullies SILs children and has favourites that she then falls out with calling them bitches etc. Two are v emotionally troubled.
I was always distant but last year fell out after she tried to tell my children i have a favourite-I dont. With hindsight the one she said was favourite is the one who is least passive and wont just do as she asks as the others would but would voice their views. So I said in fact it was her who had favourites-and she gave me silent treatment for a month telling me to leave her alone. After that i just ignored her, which infuriated her and she told vicious lies about me to everyone we know in a total smear campaign which indirectly resulted in me losing my job.
It was shit, actually hell, as the whole family is forbidden from talking to me, and me and the kids have had no support, were alone xmas day, everything.
I now have new supports, friends and we are all doing well. I have not told dc about the falling out, just blamed it on being busy etc. I'm scared of what she would do if it came put I had 'badmouthed' her.
Last month was her disliked gc's birthday (my dc) and they recieved no gift. Today her birthday.
My question is, do i get her anything from the kids?
She's already said she will make them hate me when they are adults saying i have kept them from everyone. She also threatened to ruin my life if I contact any of her family.
I just dont know if i'm doing the right thing by staying NC (been a year although she's contacted me 6 times since her silent treatment, usually to bully).
After I lost my job and she heard she asked if I fancied going for lunches out and shopping trips. Only then could I see a long toxic pattern and it chilled me.
Written down I kind of confirmed what I know but please could you tell me AIBU to blank her birthday? Or should the kids be making something?
Thanks

Oh and all my family have died, so she effectively blocked the only people i had at the time.

No, don’t get her anything, she’s awful and the main thing she didn’t acknowledged her DGC’s birthday, so 100% “no” from me.

No. You get her nothing.

And stay NC

she told vicious lies about me to everyone we know in a total smear campaign which indirectly resulted in me losing my job.

how?

Stay NC. No one needs her level of drama. Move. Change your name.

Absolutely not, she sounds like a poisonous old bag!

They withdrew my childcare to show allegiance so I could no longer do shift work and list the job. Am only now getting a new one. Apparently I was too cocky (worked hard for that career).
Scared the kids will think I've stopped them having a GM. Its just me they have, nobody else.

Ignoring all of the background, she is your ex-MIL. If anyone is to buy her a present from the children it should be your ex, especially since you and MIL are not close.

On top of that, she sounds awful so even more no and stay NC as you don't need that level of poison in your lives.

Nope. NC means just that. Your DC don’t need the poison.

Nope stay NC, you do not want someone like that in your lives.

Wtf ! She is a toxic devil, why are you even asking? Keep your kids well away, why do you even know she had messaged?? Block block

No. You're NC. That literally means you don't send cards, birthday /xmas presents, have to see nor think about them at all. She didn't bother for her DGSs birthday and you think an grandparents' birthday is more important?!

and fgs tell the DCs if you need to. 'Grandma became too much for Mummy. She said and did some unkind things. So it's better to leave her be'.
When people are abusive, it doesn't help DC to be kept in dark so they can be prayed on later by same person, that's not protecting them.

Definitely not! If Ex H is bothered he will do it. As others have said block her on everything she sounds extremely toxic and not someone who should be in your children's lives!

Based on your second and third sentences alone -

"Background is I'm divorced and exH has no contact. However for 10yrs exMIL has been grandma, lovely at times but total narc, bullies SILs children and has favourites that she then falls out with calling them bitches etc."

My answer would be NO NO NO

In short -
Nope.
Leave the aul' bitch to it.

Thank you, you kind of lose perspective when its just you. I do think had it been onebof my other dc's birthdays theyd have recieved a card and money. It was deliberate as she dislikes this one.

I would, just to annoy her!

OMG, no, stay nc for the sake of your children. She's nothing to you and your ex obviously takes after her.
There re some people you just don't need in your life.

She doesn't deserve anything from you or your children. Stay NC.

Ex cut from same cloth. Desperate to be worshipped, compulsive liar, violent. All about them-she has to be in control at all times, once at a wedding she screamed at everyone to effing shut up because the attention wasnt on her.

This is the sort of person I would completely block (I'd change my number) and if possibly I'd move house and hope to never see her again.

If your Ex can't facilitate the relationship...it's best left. She sounds like a nasty piece of work.

The benefit of no longer being married to your ex is that they are no longer your in-laws. If she has a problem with not getting a present, she can take it up with her son.

So i'm going to ignore the day. I'm sure at some point there'll be an 'i can't believe she stopped me from seeing my own GC' narrative and everyone will be made to agree how awful I am. But whatever, i've had years of trying to prove this, deny that. She's accused me of sleeping with BIL years ago, turned vile once I was pregnant and had ne over the sofa by my throat. Although I've largely kept a low profile for the kids no exposure to her behaviour is preferable to any. I don't want them thinking those head games are normal. Same reason I stay away from Ex-H, who also cries woe is me.
Thanks all.

So i'm going to ignore the day
You need to stop thinking about your exMIL. You describe abusive behaviour, a domestic violence assault, etc.
Putting your hands round someone's throat is a red flag in DV, one of the higher risk factors.

Just don't think about MIL at all. You're NC. That includes No Thinking!

Who cares what she says to others at some point? If she's been as nasty as you say, people will see through it. Often pp think there's no smoke without fire, so would wonder why if she's so great that she doesn't see them. They'll always be a couple people that say "wot hun that's so unfair she's a b£#ch.." same as there is ALWAYS several "mates" doing same for the violent abusive DV perps who according to them is a "good guy"

If anyone asks you direct (please God don't reply on FB) and you really feel you have to, reply that you went no contact due to her DV and abuse to protect your children. That she had been lovely at times but her changeableness was part of an unhealthy circle of abuse. However you're all doing well now thankyou.

@WillLokireturn
That's such a helpful answer, thanks. I tend to never think aboit it except around celebrations, taintimg them tbh.
SIL contacted me last night put of the blue to ask me to help her with some paperwork. Since then, I have awful churning anxiety and feel highly stressed.
She tried to pin down a date (also v domineering social pillar of the community desperate for adoration). How do I decline? If MIL finds out all hell will break loose,.
I am working at moving away its just taking time.

You should block all of their numbers. I’m sorry they are able to make you feel this way - you don’t deserve it