Hi new poster here.
Background is I'm divorced and exH has no contact. However for 10yrs exMIL has been grandma, lovely at times but total narc, bullies SILs children and has favourites that she then falls out with calling them bitches etc. Two are v emotionally troubled.
I was always distant but last year fell out after she tried to tell my children i have a favourite-I dont. With hindsight the one she said was favourite is the one who is least passive and wont just do as she asks as the others would but would voice their views. So I said in fact it was her who had favourites-and she gave me silent treatment for a month telling me to leave her alone. After that i just ignored her, which infuriated her and she told vicious lies about me to everyone we know in a total smear campaign which indirectly resulted in me losing my job.
It was shit, actually hell, as the whole family is forbidden from talking to me, and me and the kids have had no support, were alone xmas day, everything.
I now have new supports, friends and we are all doing well. I have not told dc about the falling out, just blamed it on being busy etc. I'm scared of what she would do if it came put I had 'badmouthed' her.
Last month was her disliked gc's birthday (my dc) and they recieved no gift. Today her birthday.
My question is, do i get her anything from the kids?
She's already said she will make them hate me when they are adults saying i have kept them from everyone. She also threatened to ruin my life if I contact any of her family.
I just dont know if i'm doing the right thing by staying NC (been a year although she's contacted me 6 times since her silent treatment, usually to bully).
After I lost my job and she heard she asked if I fancied going for lunches out and shopping trips. Only then could I see a long toxic pattern and it chilled me.
Written down I kind of confirmed what I know but please could you tell me AIBU to blank her birthday? Or should the kids be making something?
Thanks