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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to give her the ticket

76 replies

Snidpan · 04/07/2019 08:42

This year I've taken OH to New York (first class seats), and paid £6k to have her rotten teeth sorted out privately. We always dined out at least 3 times a week, and I thought she was enjoying our life together. She dumped me two weeks ago, and with Pride approaching, AIBU to not want to hand over the ticket I had bought with her in mind.

OP posts:
Marmozet · 04/07/2019 15:16

Bloody hell did you get anything in return in this relationship?

BlueSkiesLies · 04/07/2019 15:17

She dumped you, you keep the ticket

Nearlythere1 · 04/07/2019 15:48

hell no dont honour the gift!

BarrenFieldofFucks · 04/07/2019 15:52

They were together for two years, what on earth makes anyone think that she has been unreasonable ending the relationship? Confused Should they have stayed together because the OP had paid for stuff over the course of their relationship?

SavingSpaces2019 · 04/07/2019 15:57

doesn't matter whether the break up was reasonable or not - it's OVER and OP owes her fuck all.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/07/2019 16:12

I voted YANBU to keep the ticket, @Snidpan, but I do think you need to tell her you aren’t giving her the ticket, sooner rather than later, so she can buy a replacement if she still wants to go.

hazell42 · 04/07/2019 17:00

Did she ever buy you anything when you were together?
Banging on about the first class flights you bought when you were together is crass.
Did she ask for them?
Did she even want them? (Did you check?)
Presumably she's not that much of a gold digger because she dumped you.
Maybe it's because you think you had bought her?
I hope she has bought her own tickets and goes with someone who likes her. You can stay at home and gloat over your spare ticket over a bowl of sour grapes.
She is entitled to leave you if it is not working out. No matter how many presents you bought.
Get a grip

sadkoala · 04/07/2019 17:38

What @hazel said.

Lweji · 04/07/2019 18:06

Sounds like you were her meal ticket when she was with you.

The OP certainly wants to give that impression.
But you can't buy love.
If the OP didn't want to break up she must have got something other than money from the relationship.
If the OP had a much higher salary, it's possible that her contributions in relation to income were actually lower. We can't tell.

Original poster
Snidpan · 04/07/2019 18:26

lovely, little flurry of bile at the end! All based on a couple of dozen words!

OP posts:
SunniDay · 04/07/2019 18:26

Hi,
It might just be the context of your post re the ticket and being cross about the relationship breakdown but you come across as very materialistic. How great a relationship is or isn't has nothing to do with money spent. If you didn't want to spend on fancy trips then don't but don't do it then use it as ammunition.

I would rather eat fish and chips from the paper with someone I found engaging than eat at the finest restaurant with someone I didn't click with.

Having said that she shouldn't have accepted expensive gifts (e.g. the teeth payment) if she knew for her the relationship wasn't working. That would be taking advantage.

Whether you give her the ticket is neither here nor there. Unless you two make up you have a new life ahead of you.

Going forward in a new relationship I would be careful to ensure I am not trying to impress someone by spending money on them (as it doesn't work anyway) and just focus on having fun together.

Snowy81 · 04/07/2019 18:29

Sounds like she’s waited to get what she wanted out of you. Sorry🤷🏻‍♀️ (But saying that we only have one side of the story).

hazell42 · 04/07/2019 18:32

lovely, little flurry of bile at the end! All based on a couple of dozen words

Well, they were your words

Talking about your girlfriends rotten teeth and insinuating she was a gold digger isnt very charitable no matter how you look at it.

Surely you realise that she is entitled to break up with you. Or does she need o work off the teeth first?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 04/07/2019 18:49

Sounds like you were her meal ticket when she was with you

Why would you assume that? In a relationship where one partner has a significantly higher income than the other it's not unusual for that person to pay for holidays, meals out etc. My DH out earns me by quite a lot so I'm pretty sure that if my teeth were falling out he wouldn't think twice about paying for me to get it sorted. Would accepting that help mean I was using him or that he was my 'meal ticket'? Or is it just what you do in a loving relationship. I don't like the suggestion (both in the OP and in some of these responses) that OP's ex was unreasonable to end the relationship just because OP was generous with money when they were together. The reality is that if one person is unhappy in a relationship, for any reason, they have a right to end it.

YANBU to keep the pride tickets though.

SavingSpaces2019 · 04/07/2019 18:51

well she could always pay him back for the teeth..........

Original poster
Snidpan · 04/07/2019 18:52

It's so hard to sum every element (that can be picked apart) of a relationship, without it being the longest post in the world. I sold a house, and had money in the bank, fact, not bragging. I love New York, and she'd never been, we went, and had (what I thought at the time!) was the holiday of a lifetime! Lovely fact, not bragging! I've never suggested she should stay with me because I've treated her to a couple of things. I've never suggested she 'owes' me, because I paid for 8 rotten (literally) teeth to be removed - she used to be bulimic, which I suspect caused decay. I'm not asking for any money back.
I'm just asking whether I should let her have the ticket I bought her, as I'm a kind fella, and it rankles with me that she might be disappointed if I give it to someone else, gay, straight, friend, or lover.

For context, I mentioned the good times we'd had, and maybe not how materialistic I am, but how generous I've been. She was also generous, and would insist on spending her wages on us till it was all gone. Not worried about the money - should I give her the ticket?
Our survey says? uh-uhhhh

OP posts:
BarrenFieldofFucks · 04/07/2019 18:53

Of course they don't have to give the ex the ticket. But that's totally unrelated to all the posters saying she's taken the OP for a ride, took the piss out of them, meal ticket etc. She was perfectly entitled to end the relationship. And there is nothing to say she thinks she still has this ticket.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 04/07/2019 18:56

Your listing of the things you bought her in relation to her finishing with you very much puts them in the context of her being unreasonable to end it. It is disingenuous to imply otherwise. Especially as only now do you clear up that she also spent in the relationship, setting straight (hopefully) the posters who seemed determined that she was some kind of gold digger.

Pinkpartyplanner · 04/07/2019 19:04

What reason did she give for splitting up with you?

isthatapugunicorn · 04/07/2019 19:09

YANBU, she can go buy her own ticket and you can give or sell yours to a mate instead.

hazell42 · 04/07/2019 19:15

You see, what you just said there was even handed and fair. You had some money. You wanted to treat her. You both had a good time. Lovely.

You original op implies that was not very recent, though I could be wrong.

But you didnt mention about how she spent everything she had on the relationship, or how her teeth rotted because of a past illness.

Break ups are hard and there is always that impulse to.lash out, especially when it wasnt your choice to end it, but do try to resist it, because it makes you look a twat.

Having said that, no one is expecting you to give her the ticket. Probably not even her.

Has she even asked for it?

MitziK · 04/07/2019 19:15

She'll still get to go to Pride.

She just won't get into the corporate charging area with the performances or stranded at Brighton Station until the first train the next morning.

You go, take your second ticket and either you take somebody you already know or see how you get along with people when you're down there - it's quite common for gig tickets to be resold at the massive queue for the gate, where you arrange to meet somebody, they give you the cash and you go in together and then go your separate ways.

Lweji · 04/07/2019 21:59

It's funny.
Because of MN demographics and the mention of Pride, I concluded you were more likely to be a woman. But your OP read like a man's, all about the money spent on her.
Can't imagine why she left you.

Original poster
Snidpan · 04/07/2019 22:31

Nailed it

OP posts:
tomatostottie · 04/07/2019 22:42

Because of MN demographics and the mention of Pride, I concluded you were more likely to be a woman. But your OP read like a man's, all about the money spent on her.

That's exactly what I thought as well.