To ask how you made friends as an adult

[tc1245]

After moving around a lot and distractions with work and relationships etc etc I've found myself without many local friends. I'm not shy but not a particularly outgoing personality either. Any tips or ideas on how you made friends as an adult gratefully received mumsnetters!

Have a baby
Or
Get a hobby
that's how I met mine

Never managed it.

Baby groups, triathlon club and cycle club. Have also recently met a group of mums in the park whilst strolling with my baby.

It's hard. The new friends I have made have bern through fitness classes actually.

Work
or the pub!

Following for tips
I can’t seem to get past the acquaintance stage
I am lucky to still be in touch with two friends from my school days but it’s harder to find the time to meet up

1. Did a postgraduate degree
2. Took up some sports and joined clubs doing them which I knew had social sides. (Or if you have DC they can do the sports and you can volunteer.)
3. Work

Other people I know met friends volunteering as they do it as pairs or teams but the type of non-sports related volunteering I do is really solo.

Should have added I no longer work with the fiends I've made from work but oddly a couple I still met up with.

Social media?

New job. People are very determined, I have no idea why. A woman I took over from at my last job decided I was her new best friend. I really like her too, but I find it odd. 3 years on, were very good mates.

Our dog trainer decided to pursue a friendship with us. I thought it was really odd how determined she was. Then today, omeone came up to me at my (newish) job, put her hand on my shoulder and said ‘I really do like you, it’s your character’. I was like

So maybe move jobs or get a dog trainer (you can borrow my dog!)

Going to the opening of an envelope. I went to lots of community arts events (free and paid) and literally just hung out where I thought my tribe would be.

My best friend now actually just one day stopped me on the street to say she read my blog! Not that it was famous or anything, she was just local and recognised me.

I met my local friends at baby group on maternity leave. We all made the effort once back at work and met up as a group. I gradually developed independent friendships with some and some I only see as part of the bigger group. Our partners are all friends now too. They are some of my best friends

We were lucky to meet several like-minded parents at the school gate soon after we moved house. They all live within five minutes' walk and we've progressed over a few years from coffee after school dropoffs to barbecues and doing each other favours ("Help - can anyone pick X up because I'm running late!") to planning a multi-family camping trip this summer. Hope this won't be too much and break the whole thing!!

PTA

Pub firstly, people I've met through bf (now DH), having kids, studying in my 30s and latterly from work.

I think different ways at different stages. I’m thinking long term friendships and truly lifelong people were through volunteering at summer camps and through work when we were in our twenties.
Then in thirties it was mainly other parents from nursery or primary schools and through church.
In forties it was husbands work colleagues and their partners, sharing lifts with local parents and through children’s activities. A few school friends parents.
In fifties more effort needed but neighbours, work people still.

Acquaintance friends through activities like book clubs, choirs, neighbours. We’ve also bought a boat for retirement, so fellow waterborne Francophiles we have met at the marina.

Joined a choir

Joined a running club ..I was and still am slow, but the emphasis is on having fun and being inckusive, not going fast so there were lots of people like me. We chat as we’re running (if we have the breath) so its not awkward plus its only 1 hr max so at the start it didn't feel awkward. There is also a lot of eating and drinking at social events which is a good place to make friends

1. Kids' school
2. Dog park
3. Pilates/gym

^^ this is the lion's share, in descending order.

1. My work/husband's work
2. Neighbours
3. Extended family network

I know this might sound nasty, but I think it’s easier to make new friends when you already have friends/an active social life too.

Baby groups!

Thanks so much! Some really good ideas which I will think about. Tthe problem is I'm just not a natural social butterfly so I don't know how to get started / strike up a conversation with new people! Maybe even a slight fear of rejection too

Do you have kids?

They really help.

Failing this, a dog.

Mums at nursery who's children are my daughters best friends
Both totally fabulous women

Definitely clubs and courses. You need to start joining things! Work is where most of friends are. But I have made some new ones recently by taking my DD to drama school on Saturdays and becoming friendly with a few Mums with children in her class. I also joined a veterans athletics club and made some friends through that. You could join a choir or a local charity group or any type of community run thing?