To ask how you made friends as an adult

[tc1245]

After moving around a lot and distractions with work and relationships etc etc I've found myself without many local friends. I'm not shy but not a particularly outgoing personality either. Any tips or ideas on how you made friends as an adult gratefully received mumsnetters!

I am a quasi empty-nester in the autumn and I'll be going to a lot of classes.

Through work. I haven't had too many jobs but have stayed in contact with some ppl I have worked with so we are now friends. The girlfriends/wives of dh friends. I have made no friends through having ds

WI

I started an evening course last January and just clicked with another lady on the course. 6 months on (course finished) and we;re still meeting up regularly.

I've only known her for 6 months, but she knows more about me than people I've known for 30 something years, and vice versa.

We're both going back to do the continuation course in September.

Mums from school
Mums from dancing
People from kids karate squad
People I regularly sit near at at kids DS swimming lessons (I talk to anyone)

Joined a running club which has a very active social side

Meetup

There’s something on there for everyone and you can just dip in and out.

Ladies book club or a hiking club - both activities where you will talk to people.

Mainly through work current and ex work colleagues through a first time
Mum group, a sewing club, friends of friends.
It’s not easy.
A few people I know have made friends through book club, exercise groups particularly through beginner type running groups.

Have a baby or join a running club 😁

Work/boyfriends friends girlfriends.

I only have 1 very close friend - my best friend from school.

some at work but dont socialise outside work
volunteering for an animal chairty some good friends from this some of whom i do socialise with
partner is a biker so lots of good friends via bike clubs, meets etc

Most of them were found at work

Second lot of them are hobby friends which have became outside of hobby friends. It helps to have something in common!

Joined PTA at daughters school

Seven years ago l moved 100 miles away from 'home'. l didn't know anyone here except the person l was with.
l joined a couple of groups l found on Meetup, and met some friends at those, but to be honest, twitter was my saviour.
All the friends l have here now, l 'met' on twitter. l don't have a huge amount, but the ones l do have are good ones. The kind who would do anything for you, and indeed, they have, when l've needed it. l'd have been totally stuck without them, especially when l had major surgery three years ago. They were incredible.

Mainly through my gym, some through work, one through my voluntary job, one because I used to go into her shop a lot and we became friends, one because she's the owner of an AirBNB I stayed in and we get on like a house on fire.....I think the important thing is to get out there and just talk to people and eventually you will click with someone (or multiple someones).

I am quite outgoing though so I appreciate that makes it easier. However, I used to be very shy when I was younger (and my DM would always tell me off and say I came across as 'stuck up') but working in jobs where I have to interact with people meant I had to learn to 'fake it until you make it'. And now it's second nature.

When you meet people, smile and say good morning etc. And if they smile back, just make a bit of small talk...the usual weather (the advantage of being British!) or about what you're doing/seeing at that moment (e.g. if you're in the gym, it can be something as simple as "is it me or is it hot in here?") or compliment them as long as you do actually mean it ("I really love your shoes/necklace/bag"). Just anything to break the ice. Next time you see them, do it again and you will slowly start to get to know them a little and have things to talk about.

I haven't made any proper friends, as I wouldn't feel able to call on them in an emergency, but I joined a club to do with my hobby (photos). I go there once a week and sometimes join in the meet-ups and walk-abouts.

If I work in one place for longer than a few days then I make acquaintances there and join in with some nights out.

Be forward. If you get on with someone then say let's get a coffee. Obviously only do if they seem positive about it to. Don't be pushy but do suggest seeing people socially take the leap.

Work, hobbies such as dog training and sports, and Facebook. A number of aquaintances on FB have become friends after we’ve got chatting about each other’s posts.

One thing I have found about adult friendships is that they take much longer to build than my childhood friendships did. Which can be frustrating when you really want a friend.

I've found it really difficult. I'm single, kids are grown up, no dog, work remotely.
I've tried meetup but never met anyone I feel a connection with.

How do you meet people on Twitter or Facebook?

Since my late twenties ...

Work
Studies
Nct
Kids' activities
Neighbours
PTA
Kids' schoolfriends'

It makes a difference being surrounded by likeminded people. I am lucky I have that now, but I have lived and worked in places where I didn't fit in, and I was lonely. Ultimately I moved - not saying you should - maybe I would have got there in the end but it wasn't my natural place.

OP I’m an introvert too ..thats why the running club is great, a smile when you’re puffing up hill or a groan builds a bridge to friendship in a very natural way without needing to start a big conversation with a stranger. Plus you all see each other hot, sweaty and smelly so there is no place for fakery.

I got involved in the local theatre group to make friends - my new colleague was already helping out with them and so I got to know her out of work as well as at work and we've been friends since.