To say DD can move rooms?

[roomdilemma1]

DD26 is moving out for the first time to live with her boyfriend in London. She’s always had the big room and DD19 has always had the tiny room - DD1’s room is about 3x the size of DD2’s. DD2’s room only has her single bed and wardrobe and there’s boxes of stuff everywhere in her room as she has nowhere to store anything.

Now DD1 is moving, I’ve said DD2 can move into her room pretty much straight away. But DP and DD1 both seem to think this is unfair They’ve said we should wait a few weeks in case DD1 doesn’t like it and wants to come home. I think if this is the case and DD1 does want to come back, she’ll just have to move into DD2’s room.

Thoughts?

YANBU, DD1 doesn't get to have it all.

YANBU if dd1 comes back she moves into the smaller room.

Is DD26 keeping her old boyfriend, in case the new boyfriend doesn’t work out?
The bigger, better bedroom goes to the daughter who is still living there.

DD19 gets the big room now, her sister is moving out. If her sister moves back it’s her turn to have the smaller room, just because she’s the oldest doesn’t mean she should always get first choice, or best option etc.

Wow, where does she get the idea she’s tuw boss?! And why is DP agreeing?

Ha! No that doesn't work. When elder DC moved out here the younger DC moved into the bigger room.
Unfortunately elder DC's relationship didn't work out and they came home but then went into the smaller room.

Your Dh and DD1 are nuts.

Time for DD19 to spread out a bit now.

At 26, surely you'd be thinking that one way or another, this should be permanent?! YADNBU, and Miss 19 has dibs on the big room now. It's her turn. Miss 26 is being dog in the mangerish. Does your DH generally favour her over Miss 19?

When dd moved out ds had moved in by tea time!!
She gets no say.

I don’t speak to my sister but even I didn’t begrudge her moving from her box room into my old bedroom once I moved out!

Of course the one who’s still living there gets the bigger bedroom. Anything else is ridiculous

DD1 and DP are being really unfair. Of course DD2 should get the larger room. It's going to be empty otherwise.

Wow, talk about having your cake and eating it! I lived in three different rooms, rotating with siblings, as and when one of us went to uni, came back, moved, came back again. None of us had a claim on our childhood room and all of us accepted it. In fact I dont think it was ever really discussed. I'm really sorry but your daughter sounds pretty petulant for 26 years old!

Of course it's not unfair! Your younger DD's comfort is just as important as DD1's, and she has waited long enough to be able to spread out a bit. If your eldest splits with her fella and the small room isn't good enough for her then she'll just need to rent a room elsewhere won't she?

DD1 seems to be the Golden Child where your husband is concerned. No wonder she feels so entitled to hold on to a room she no longer needs.

I completely agree with you OP!

Surely it's not fair that DD2 has always had the smaller room?

If things don't work with DD1 and BF, then she can always find somewhere else to live, surely? it's not like the only two options in the entire world are with BF or with parents?

Dd2 is 8. She is already talking about how good it will be when one of her elder siblings move out and she gets a bigger room. They are currently 13 and 10, so still got a while to wait!

But, yes. When one moves out, the bedroom situation gets rotated. If they then come back, they get the room that is vacant. And they can think themselves very lucky that we have paid out for them all to have their own bedrooms as they’ve grown up as we see this as quite a luxury.

At 26, the likelihood is that, even if this move doesn't work out and she comes back for a while, she will be looking to move out again soon, whether with another boyfriend, friend, house-share or on her own.

At 19, your other DD is still at the stage of finding her own feet as a new adult and not likely to be thinking of leaving home for a few years.

Even if your older DD's move proves unsuccessful and she moves straight back in and stays for a long time, she still doesn't automatically get the right to the bigger room. Whether or not you've lived in that house since she was born, she will have likely had the bigger/better room since birth - for 26 years - (and possibly also the smaller room as well as her own play room for 7 years, if you don't have any other children) and her sister has had a box room for 19 years, so she definitely deserves her turn now.

Whilst she was living at home, there would never have been an easy way to say "Right, time to swap now", but her choosing to move out, however successful or not it is, presents the perfect opportunity to slightly redress the balance.

Younger children often get a raw deal - they never have their parents completely to themselves and they invariably end up with hand-me-downs. With things like cots and high chairs, it doesn't really matter as there's a relatively short window when each child needs them before graduating to the next stage, but when it's actually a bedroom that they'll need permanently until they leave home, it's not so straightforward. In fact in some scenarios, where there's quite a gap, it makes send for the younger child to have the bigger room if they have loads of big, bulky toys and activities whereas a teenage sibling probably mainly only needs a small desk and a few compact electronic devices.

I can never understand the fashion for bedroom sizes in new-house design (not sure how old your house is, OP), whereby there will often be two similar-sized large bedrooms and then one or two much smaller ones. Surely, most families would find it much easier to have one bigger 'master' bedroom to be shared by the parents and then equal-sized smaller rooms for the children?

I have the same issues!

I gave it 2 weeks - then the rooms were swapped

I don't think I even shut the door behind me before my bedroom was being taken over when I moved out.

DP and DD1 are being ridiculous.

Has DD1 always had the big room? I remember when I was younger we rotated rooms every few years so someone didn't always have to live in a box room.
DD1 is being a brat.
DD2 deserves space after forever in the small room. even if DD1 moves back it's definitely her turn for the small room.

Always annoys me when younger siblings get the leftovers so the older one doesn't have to adapt.

Also she is 26 for goodness sakes. There should be no moving back. At 26 I was in my own flat solo parenting a 5 year old

Yes of course that's reasonable, I would expect DD1 to be offering the larger room to DD2 anyway.

You are being very reasonable. Your dd is 26 and moving out, it’s ridiculous for her to still have a room at your place.