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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say DD can move rooms?

46 replies

roomdilemma1 · 03/07/2019 13:02

DD26 is moving out for the first time to live with her boyfriend in London. She’s always had the big room and DD19 has always had the tiny room - DD1’s room is about 3x the size of DD2’s. DD2’s room only has her single bed and wardrobe and there’s boxes of stuff everywhere in her room as she has nowhere to store anything.

Now DD1 is moving, I’ve said DD2 can move into her room pretty much straight away. But DP and DD1 both seem to think this is unfair Hmm They’ve said we should wait a few weeks in case DD1 doesn’t like it and wants to come home. I think if this is the case and DD1 does want to come back, she’ll just have to move into DD2’s room.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Furrydogmum · 03/07/2019 14:52

Dsil had to sleep on a high sleeper til she moved out at 21 because there was 3 of them and when DH moved out of the big bedroom his older brother remained!
Dd2 deserves the bigger room now!

billy1966 · 03/07/2019 14:57

The mistake was to bring it up for discussion at all.

Of course it's the fair thing to do.

Your DD is looking thinking of herself.

Your husband is an idiot.

Original poster
roomdilemma1 · 03/07/2019 14:58

Thanks all for your thoughts, I completely agree with all of you.

Sorry if this is a drip feed but the main reason for DD1 still being here is that she had a very difficult time in her early 20s with mental health and trying to take her own life. She is now back on her feet and ready to fly and I’m so happy for her. I think this is why her and DP are hesitant about the room being taken. DP is worried it’ll all be too much for her and she’ll want to come back etc.

I understand the worries but DD2 has already had to see so much of our attention and time invested in DD1 that for once I would really love for something to just be all about DD2. And even removing the emotions from it all - it’s just bloody silly to have the bigger room empty as many of you have said! If it doesn’t go to plan and DD1 needs to come back we would welcome her with loving arms into the little room.

As WeBuilt has said, the younger one often pulls the short straw and I’d hate for DD2 to feel like this when DD1 is 26 and a grown woman.

OP posts:
Original poster
roomdilemma1 · 03/07/2019 15:00

Ultimately I don’t think DD2 should have to suffer and be put out as a result of DD1 and DP’s anxieties

OP posts:
BarryBarryTaylor · 03/07/2019 15:02

I think it’s about time your 26yr old grew up.
Of course DD2 should get the bigger room!

BarryBarryTaylor · 03/07/2019 15:03

Ok I take my comment back, I saw your update afterwards.
Many sincere apologies for my harsh post.

AnneKipanki · 03/07/2019 15:04

DD19 should get the larger room.

Original poster
roomdilemma1 · 03/07/2019 15:07

BarryBarryTaylor no don’t worry at all! It was probably a detail I should’ve mentioned in my OP but I felt it’d probably sway people to say that I should leave the room and I wanted to see people’s opinions if that factor was removed from the equation.

At the end of the day, she is back on her feet now and ready to get out into the big wide world and I am so proud Flowers I just don’t think it means we have to keep her old room just in case anything goes wrong.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 03/07/2019 15:09

The week before I went to university at 18 I moved all my things and helped my brother move into my room. He'd had the small one long enough. When I came back in the holidays I had the box room.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 03/07/2019 15:11

DD2 should definitely get the big room. Her sister can always have the smaller room, but at 26 she is unlikely to live at hom much longer either way.

At 19, DD2 has a better claim to be still living at home, and surely after all these years it is her turn to have the big room anyway?

Darkstar4855 · 03/07/2019 15:13

YADNBU

mbosnz · 03/07/2019 15:14

In some ways, I think it's even more important for DD2 to have the big room. It shows faith in your DD1 that she's okay now, she's good to go, and she can do this thang. . . but it also encourages DD1 to work hard at making a go of her new life, which, yes, is going to have it's moments when she wants to come back to the safety and comfort of the nest, but she needs to work through these.

Coldilox · 03/07/2019 15:17

I was never allowed to move into my older sisters room after she moved out. She insisted it was her room, and like in everything else she got her own way. Still annoys me.

Purpleartichoke · 03/07/2019 15:21

When I left for university, my little sister was moving her things into my room faster than I could pack. And that was with me coming home for holidays and summers for the next 4 years.

The younger kids are supposed to get to move up to the better room when the oldest leaves. Your oldest probably should have switched while still living there because it wasn’t fair for her to keep the room so long by living with you so late.

LemonBreeland · 03/07/2019 15:49

It's not like you are leaving her with no room to come back to, just a different one. Can your DP and DD1 not see that?

SlothMama · 03/07/2019 15:51

YANBU why should your daughter wait to move just incase your other daughter doesn't like moving out? Surely she's waited more than long enough to have a good sized room!

Eliza9919 · 03/07/2019 15:59

Now DD1 is moving, I’ve said DD2 can move into her room pretty much straight away. But DP and DD1 both seem to think this is unfair hmm They’ve said we should wait a few weeks in case DD1 doesn’t like it and wants to come home. I think if this is the case and DD1 does want to come back, she’ll just have to move into DD2’s room.

Yep, exactly this.

Lavenderduck · 03/07/2019 16:32

YANBU.... Glad your DD1 is in better shape mentally. Personally, I never understood of the trend for the eldest to claim the bigger room as demonstrated by most of my friends and their kids. I have 2 DDs with 4 years gap in 3 bedroomed house (1 master, 1 medium enough for a king size bed and fairly good sized box room) - we have rotated several times since moving here 12 years ago depending on their needs! DDs had shared the master for a few years before the DD1 wanting her own space/privacy and happily moving into the box room. DD1 remained in the master on her own so she could have space to play with her toys so on.

Recently we changed rooms after agreeing to rotate every 4 years to be fair so we are back into the master, DD1 in medium room (so she could have space for her homework in peace and sleepovers being a teen) and DD2 in box room (tough to fit in her toys!!!).

FriarTuck · 03/07/2019 16:32

As long as DD2 waits for the front door to close behind DD1 before she starts moving stuff them fine. Tell DD1 that the smaller bedroom will be ready for her whenever she needs it but that she's doing so well that you reckon she'll not be needing it unless she's back for Christmas.

Lavenderduck · 03/07/2019 16:33

*DD2 not DD1 who remained in the master until recently!

iolaus · 03/07/2019 21:26

When I moved out my brother moved into my bedroom the same day (and his bedroom wasn't tiny but it was smaller than mine was)

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