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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unasked for gift

70 replies

AravisQueenOfArchenland · 03/07/2019 12:55

I've been saving for an item for my house (in the £100-150 price range), and was going to go and get it last weekend, when my ex mil rang and said she'd bought it for me as a gift, for doing her a favour.

But she's bought me a differnet colour to the one I had in mind?

Nearly everything I own is either second hand, or bought because it was the cheapest option. I was really looking forward to treating myself to this, and now it feels spoilt. It's not what I wanted, I didn't ask for it in the first place, and I feel stuck with it now.

I know she meant well, and was trying to do a nice thing, and I know the colour won't change how well it works, but I wish I hadn't said anything about it, and I'd have the one I wanted by now!

Aibu to feel annoyed/upset instead of grateful?

OP posts:
Biancadelrioisback · 03/07/2019 12:56

Why don't you speak to her? If you're close just ask if she wouldn't mind if you swapped it for the blue one?

longwayoff · 03/07/2019 12:58

Bloody hell. Just get it changed for the one you prefer. No, don't tell us about it thanks.

Zoeputthatdown · 03/07/2019 13:00

That was very kind of her.
Just ring her and rave about it and say would she mind if you changed it for the colour that best suits your scheme?

MikeUniformMike · 03/07/2019 13:02

Could you take it to the shop and ask for a straight swap? I can imagine how you feel and although it was lovely of her to buy it, it just isn't exactly what you wanted.
I would just buy the one in the right colour and sell the unwanted one.

Dommina · 03/07/2019 13:04

"wow xxxx, what a generous gift! I am so grateful, though I was wondering if you wouldn't mind me swapping it for another colour? Again, thank you so much!"

I can't see any reason you couldn't ask nicely. YABU for being 'annoyed' at someone for buying you a present!

avocadoincident · 03/07/2019 13:07

Could it mysteriously develop a fault and when you returned it they could only offer you this colour one. Oh well!...wink wink

Jamhandprints · 03/07/2019 13:12

YANBU. My MIL bought me a full crockery set just before my wedding. I was really upset because I was going to put some nicer items on my wedding gift list and couldn't because I am quite minimalist and couldn't cope with having two sets. So I used the ugly one til most of if got broken, then gave the rest away....and still never got one that I actually like.

Original poster
AravisQueenOfArchenland · 03/07/2019 13:15

It was ordered online (free delivery), and would probably cost a small fortune to return (the item is really heavy/bulky), and I feel like that would be really rude/she might take it bad (think I'm being riddiculous or grabby), and it'll make things awkward between us.

Part of me says I'm bring silly/bratty, the other part thinks I'm not even allowed an x coloured y, (she has form for being controlling, but not so much since ex and I split, he always got the brunt of it).

She's very domineering and hard to say no to (I practically begged her on the phone to cancel the order, but she wasn't taking no for an answer). We get along fine, and I don't want to cause a fight over what was a well intentioned thing, but I really wish she hadn't bothered.

OP posts:
Whathappenedtooursummer · 03/07/2019 13:17

Sell it and put the cash towards the one you want..
My ils did similar.
Offered to buy me a buggy but wanted to choose it!
Needed a twin that mil would not have been able to push or see over tbh!
My take on it was she wants the glory of buying it but not really giving a shit if I even liked it.
Same for you imo.

Cheeseandwin5 · 03/07/2019 13:19

Wow just Wow
in answer to your question yes YABU.
Your MIL has bought you a gift, which cost a her a fair sum. She also took the time to do it buy and organise for it to be delivered.
And here your complaining its the wrong colour... You sound like an ungrateful child

GooodMythicalMorning · 03/07/2019 13:23

Sell it and buy the one you want

ChelseaBrambles · 03/07/2019 13:24

You sound like an ungrateful child what a stupid comment

Of course YANBU

At least do check the condition of exchange and the price of return (couriers can cost a lot less than royal mail and you still have proof of postage) and go from there.

Whathappenedtooursummer · 03/07/2019 13:26

Why would you want your home filled with stuff of other people's choice? Isn't that the point of being an adult with your own place?

combatbarbie · 03/07/2019 13:27

If you were going to go get it presumably you can take it back and change the colour or if its from online company have you looked at courier to return (if not already free) much cheaper than post office.

HypatiaCade · 03/07/2019 13:28

A kitchenaid? I'd sell it on FB page and put that money towards the one of my choosing.

HypatiaCade · 03/07/2019 13:29

Oh and YANBU - she will continue to do it for as long as you let her get away with it. Tell her you wanted a different colour, but that you managed to get some of the money back for it and put it towards the one you preferred.

Piffle11 · 03/07/2019 13:29

I'd sell it and put the money towards the one you want. Maybe the colour she bought was cheaper? I've been looking at food mixers and the price can vary greatly depending on the colour. I don't think you're necessarily BU, though - I think you're more disappointed that it's not the 'perfect' item you envisioned rather than ungrateful.

MikeUniformMike · 03/07/2019 13:31

You don't really OP. It was a lovely thought but it's not the right one is it.
Is it something like a food mixer? Something that you would use and enjoy using? Something where you'd just get that little thrill knowing you'd 'earned' it and it was just right.

I'd buy the right one in the right colour and flog or give away the other one.

TheWernethWife · 03/07/2019 13:32

Its not well intentioned if she hasn't bought what you want despite you "begging" her to cancel the order. Tell her to keep it at her house if she likes it that much and you will buy your own stuff and don't discuss things with her in future.

DinosaursWouldEatYou · 03/07/2019 13:37

But now you can buy yourself something else with the money you've saved, personally I think it's rather lovely she's brought you a thank you gift and of something she knew you wanted.

myself2020 · 03/07/2019 13:43

I get what you feel. You ate not being ungrateful - her spending money against your wishes on something you don’t like doesn’t make her the hero. it makes her an idiot
However, my practical mind says since you have it now - keep it and get something else that is amazing. if its a bulky item (i guess fridge or similar ) its just not worth the hassle

FinnBalorsAbs · 03/07/2019 13:43

Has it been delivered yet? If not you could ring the company and request they amend it. I did this with an Amazon order and despite the whole GDPR thing because I could explain who the order was from and all their info and then all my info they did it for me.

myself2020 · 03/07/2019 13:45

@Cheeseandwin5 mil bought something the OP explicitly did not want, and asked her to not buy. that’s not generous , that’s rude.
MIL bought it for her own benefit, not for the OPs

amusedbush · 03/07/2019 13:48

A kitchenaid?

Where are you finding Kitchenaids for £100? Genuinely asking because I'll buy it straight away!

S1naidSucks · 03/07/2019 13:48

I agree with PPs, sell i5 and put the money towards the one you want. If she comments on it, tell her that a friend wanted one in that colour so she ordered the one you wanted and you swapped.

Did she ‘now you wanted a particular colour? If she did, then getting it in a colour you don’t want sounds as if she’s still controlling and passive aggressive.

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