It’s inevitable that something awful will happen to my son

[MelaniaPump]

My DS is 18. His mental health has been declining for the past two years. Last year he was arrested twice for assault. The second time was pretty bad and he could have been facing a manslaughter charge but he (and victim) were “lucky”. Somehow he got away with it.
He assaulted my husband a number of times whilst living here and just before Christmas he attempted suicide in a very violent manner - ended up surrounded by police cars and ambulances in a public place and was then rushes to hospital where he had to have emergency surgery to repair the damage. He was then detained under mental health act and held in secure unit for 3 weeks. They let him out with no proper assessment. He did not engage with community health services, missed appointments and has now been discharged.

Long story short, I couldn’t have him living at home anymore. He’s violent and frightening. My own mental health was rapidly declining and i almost lost my job.

He’s now living independently. He got a job and was doing well for ages but now it’s all happening again. He keeps having violent outbursts and depressive episodes and has now hurt his girlfriend because she broke up with him following a bad dream (!!??)

I don’t know what to do. I can’t have him back here. He doesn’t engage with MH services ... I’m starting to think it’s inevitable that he will end up in prison or worse.

i am very sorry your going through this.it must be awful.i can believe it about a&e.there is so very little help for people in mental health crisis.
i know you need to keep your distance for your own safety.but perhaps what you oculd do is push from the outside.so i would try ringing every nuber you can.your gp for advice.101 for advice.could you tak him to a&e and demand yourself to see someone.
state to all these people the past actions.and your are fearing for th public,yoursefl(gf etc) and his and other health.he has past for sociapathic behviour etc.it looks to me like he has a severe mental health disorder.
prison is shit for mental health.and he doesnt sound criminal but his mental illness is one that would cause such a thing to occur making his behviours criminal.so someone needs to step in before its too late.
could you ring the crisis team.
maybe even mind charity or any local charties near you?

also medication for mental health are successful and not but for some illness they are almost vital to keep them ok and ones like it seesm your son might be dealing with i think it could be an option to seriously talk with someone about.

FE2019 I also have a parent with schizophrenia and your story is unfortunately familiar. The service leaves families in a really vulnerable position. I remeber being a teenager and my mother was having a major psychotic episode and had a knife. She thought she was defending us from intruders but was unpredictable and hallucinating. When we called the hospital, there were no beds and they left us alone in that situation until the morning. I was utterly terrified I was going to be stabbed in the night but was too scared about what would happen if I called the police to have her arrested. She was sectioned the next day but we had to push for it.

OP: People can be very ill indeed before services will act. You have to nag and nag and make sure your concerns are on record.he has been very violent before and is a danger to others.

What a distressing situation OP I feel for you all.
I agree with the posters saying you really have to push for help, it is there if you can be really assertive and fight for the support and proper psychiatric care your son needs.
Prison is the last place he should be.
Please dont give up on him, I know he is 18 but he clearly needs help and it seems you could do something for him without taking him back into your home.
It must be awful for him too, as well as those who he has harmed.
Keep posting here for advice? There have been some great suggestions on this thread.
I had a bad experience myself with A&E and mental health and I really wish I had had someone there to fight my corner.

Could you lie and say he tried to hurt himself so he can get into an insitution?

I am so sorry you are experiencing this
I do agree with PP that he Is a danger and maybe prison is the safest place for the public

I guess you have to separate your understandable maternal pain (which must be immense ) with the safety risk

Look after yourself OP
This is the toughest and you must look after your own MH

Update - he sat in a&e all day yesterday waiting for an assessment. By 10pm he still hadn’t been seen and his phone died but he told me he’d message me first thing in morning.

He hasn’t. His phone is dead/switched off still. A&E tell me he’s no longer there but was seen and discharged by mental health team. He told me last night that if they didn’t section him he would kill himself.

So how the hell do I find out where he is now? If a&e mental health team discharged him does this mean they definitely just sent him home or could it mean they sent him to a facility? They won’t tell me much because he’s 18

I think you should call the police OP, if he has explicitly told you he would hurt himself if he was released. If nothing else they would contact the hospital first and be told if he was released somewhere else?

Do you have a mental health crisis team? If he is violent he needs sectioning or arresting.

When my friend became very unwell and seemed likely to hurt himself or someone else, I got the emergency MH number from the police non-emergency line.

They were brilliant. Two doctors and a MHSW met us near his house, we went to the house, they were able to speak to him through a window and one of them (the SW, iirc) slipped away and called the police. Fifteen minutes later, they turned up with an ambulance and paramedic and off he went.

I think he had to spend 24 hours in police custody while they found him a psych bed though.

That was 15 years ago, maybe more, they probably aren't that well resourced these days.

He told me last night that if they didn’t section him he would kill himself

You need to be calling the Police now on 101.

I’ve managed to speak to hospital MH team - turns out his assessment didn’t finishing until 7am this morning!! He’d been there since yesterday lunch time.

Anyway they have sent him home with a package of community care/home visits but they wouldn’t tell me much else other than he seemed more settled when he left. His phone is dead. I’ll leave it until lunch time as he’s likely to get home, stick his phone on charge and then fall asleep since he hasn’t slept all night

Can you ask your son to make sure that he had signed the consent forms so they can speak to you?

Hopefully this package of care (which i imagine is crisis team) will be supportive, they can offer through assessments, med changes etc. However sometimes in order to be able to section someone you have to show that crisis team etc doesnt work for them, so if crisis team feel it isnt working they can refer back to the mental health act team.

As a note its very difficult to section someone who asks to be sectioned as sectioning is about giving the power to detain or treat someone against their will. People can be admitted to wards etc whilst not detained

I knew a young lad like this years ago-I met him aged about 10 years old and he was showing signs then
He slipped though so many nets he grew up-and it got worse
He ended up murdering his mums boyfriend and is now doing life inside
All this could have been avoided if the mh help was better
My son works in a prison and says the same thing-in fact it was just the other day we where talking and like he says-the bill still has to be paid-one way or another-if there was better help out there-it would be reduced and a lot less in the prisons

@MelaniaPump - did you hear from him, did he come home ok? I do hope so

How can prison be the best place for him SingleDad? That’d be the worst place for him

Erm because it will protect his next victims?