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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To beg for some fucking sleep?

40 replies

LonelyAmongUs · 02/07/2019 22:21

I love my DP, believe me I do. DP is my best friend and I enjoy our time together.

DP is now mid-sixties and retired, I'm in my late thirties and have a reasonably well-paid job. I commute five days a week and I'm up at 5.30am, but DP insists on staying up late watching TV (loudly), sitting on the computer, or rattling around the house leaving lights on. I'm lucky if I get five hours a night of uninterrupted sleep, so often end up dozing on the sofa in the evening. I can't keep this up, we sleep in separate rooms but I hear everything in the house. I've tried earplugs and eye masks but DP still manages to wake me.

AIBU to ask for some consideration when I've gone to bed or am about to? Just even going to bed half an hour earlier would be a start. I expected this from my DS but not a bloody adult.

OP posts:
nicecuppaforme · 02/07/2019 22:24

Yanbu. Have you never mentioned it to him before?

Benes · 02/07/2019 22:27

That sounds pretty inconsiderate. Have you told him? When I met my dh he had a habit of watching TV while falling asleep. I need darkness and quiet! It drove me mad but as soon as I mentioned it he stopped.

AldiAisleOfTat · 02/07/2019 22:28

Tell him to have some bloody consideration

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/07/2019 22:30

I don't think watching tv or playing on a computer or walking around a house while you are in another room in bed is being inconsiderate. What would you have him do then? Sit in silence? Is the room you sleep in adjacent to the living room/kitchen?

53rdWay · 02/07/2019 22:33

What on Earth is he doing to wake you through earplugs and eye masks?

Original poster
LonelyAmongUs · 02/07/2019 22:35

It's a bungalow BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz and as I said, the TV is up loud until very late on. I'd say it's fucking selfish when there's subtitles and headphones. I'm not asking for silence, just reasonableness.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/07/2019 22:36

Have you asked him to lower the volume on the tv or use headphones when on the computer?

Original poster
LonelyAmongUs · 02/07/2019 22:37

53rdWay he comes in to talk or has "left something" in the room, barges in and leaves the door open even after he leaves the room. If it's not that, it's singing...badly.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/07/2019 22:38

he comes in to talk or has "left something" in the room, barges in and leaves the door open even after he leaves the room

This alone would acquit you for his murder.

Original poster
LonelyAmongUs · 02/07/2019 22:39

Repeatedly BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz, but I'm told I'm being a bitch or it provokes an almighty huff. I love DP dearly but I just can't go on like this.

OP posts:
Tigger001 · 02/07/2019 22:40

Is he actually aware of how loud it is or does he need a hearing aide ?

RLOU30 · 02/07/2019 22:41

if it's not that, it's singing...badly

Now that is taking the piss

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 02/07/2019 22:41

Selfish bugger. Give him an ultimatum. If he doesn’t stop, might be time to split up. Have you asked him to be quiet, turn sound down, etc?

Doidontimmm · 02/07/2019 22:42

I’d move out for a week, give him a fright!

CaledonianSleeper · 02/07/2019 22:42

You love him dearly? Why!!? He clearly has not interest in your feelings or wellbeing, and thinks you’re “a bitch”. What a strange thing to say about someone who treats you so badly.

fotheringhay · 02/07/2019 22:42

If he knows how much it's upsetting you and he still does it... well I don't need to finish that do I Flowers

Longdistance · 02/07/2019 22:43

My mil has noise cancelling wireless headphones so she doesn’t disturb her dh. Mil wakes at odd times like 2am and goes to watch tv downstairs. Then falls back to sleep after a few hours, then is awake. She walks around the house with the headphones on. Just a suggestion.

underthebridgedowntown · 02/07/2019 22:49

I'm sorry what now?? He says you're being a bitch? Erm... No OP, he's being a selfish fucker. My DH goes to bed later than me all the time, and makes sure he is quiet enough that he doesn't wake me - creeps into the bathroom like a mouse. If I ever tell him he's being too noisy (sometimes he laughs stupidly loudly at tv / playing video games with friends) I text him or put my head round the door and he shuts up immediately. That's just basic consideration - same way I don't wake him up in the mornings as I leave early for work. We're in a flat, and sound travels - he just cares about my wellbeing...

Forgotmycoat · 02/07/2019 22:59

You need to leave him for the sake of your physical and mental health. Lack of sleep can lead to all sorts of health problems, and the swearing is unacceptable. He's a selfish and rude shit. I don't know how you have put up with this for so long. I couldn't handle this for one night. Sleep is so so important.

Forgotmycoat · 02/07/2019 23:01

As pp said, he doesn't love you, sorry to say, no loving partner would disturb your sleep night after night and then call you names when confronted about it.

supersop60 · 02/07/2019 23:08

He called you a bitch?
WTF?

TigerJoy · 02/07/2019 23:14

It sounds like now he's not in the rhythm of work he is far too relaxed about when he goes to sleep and is being deeply inconsiderate.

Does he get up at the same time as you? I bet he doesn't. If not, have you tried doing the same to him in the morning - loud tv, barging in and waking him up etc? It's childish I know but I don't think he is really appreciating how it feels to you and maybe it would bring it home!

In any case, you need sleep. Poor sleep and not enough of it has all kind of poor health outcomes. I think you need to start implementing some stricter rules - quiet time after 9pm so from this time tv only on headphones, no singing (FFS!) and get a bloody lock on your door.

These are reasonable requests. My DH does shift work and I tiptoe round the house he's on nights - because I want him to sleep.

Good luck!

Forgotmycoat · 02/07/2019 23:19

Just came back to say that from the title I thought this would be about you struggling to get enough sleep with a newborn, but to read that t's about your dp!!! I'm speechless.

Singlenotsingle · 02/07/2019 23:22

Separate bedrooms, and put a lock on yours.

Preggosaurus9 · 02/07/2019 23:24

Love him dearly?!

All love for my "D"P would be destroyed after the second time he did that! How long have you been putting up with this shite? Tell him to fuck off!