AIBU to think that maternity leave and part time working will damage my career?

[Walktwomoons]

I started a new career recently.
I really want to take the full 12 months maternity leave, and can just about afford to.
However, I know that maternity leave and part time work are the chief reason for the pay gap. I also know this will be even more the case to me since I am already new-ish.
AIBU to think that the less leave I have, and the quicker I'm back full time, the better for my career? Am I choosing between damaging my career or damaging my child?

Yep, that's reality. Then you're just getting back into the swing and there are elderly relatives to care for, and that's down to women as well. Grr.

Remember that maternity leave after about 4-6 months is pretty much exclusively for your benefit, the kids are just as happy in a good daycare/at a good childminders etc!

I work full time and had to go back early and my DCs are fine, career is better off (though sanity and leisure time are in the toilet!!)... But this is straight up BS. I think we all need to own our choices, and not pretend that actually what we're doing is always best for the kids. Research bears out that children are best with the primary carer for at least a year if not beyond - sometimes, like for our family, that isn't the best thing overall, bit don't pretend that your 5 month old DC will be just as ok at a daycare with minimum wage staff caring for at least 4 babies at a time

I went back three days a week after ML (though I had a much shorter ML, 3 months which was normal back then.) Speaking as some one in my 50s, in all honesty working a few years part time has dented my pension but I don’t believe has massively impacted my career. The best thing I ever did was stepping back up to full time when my youngest dc turned 4. I think any longer part time and it would have been difficult to really get my career back on track. I’ve had various moves and promotions in the 20 plus years since then... but I think that’s key: I’ve had a long stint working full time again once the children were in primary school.

Having said that, working 3 days a week while they were pre school was more for my benefit than theirs: I don’t believe for a moment that working full time damages children provided they have good quality care and you’re prepared to pay for it. One advantage of being older now with grown up kids is you can see first hand that all the things you agonise over when they’re small is really wasted energy. My kids (now in their 20s) have peers who had full time working parents, part time and SAHM, the full range, and there is no difference in the happiness and success of the kids so please don’t fall into the trap of thinking that mums can’t work full time.

Also in your shoes with legislation being so much better now, I Wouldn’t take a whole year off, id take about 6 - 8 months and transfer some leave to my dh. That’s a personal issue though, sadly it wasn’t an option back in the day but I think it’s a big benefit to parents and the children to be able to have that 1:1 care from each parent

Women are sold the lie that they can 'have it all' which actually translates as 'do it all'. The reality is that when you have small kids you always feel like you are either a crap parent or crap employee or both. So pick what makes you happiest. You might find your priorities change when baby arrives. You might hate the idea of leaving baby or be gagging to go back to work.

Yes if you work you will get less time wih kids but you will have more money, more future financial and employment security, more sanity (if you hate being at home like I did) and its a good role model kids to see. I also find I made better quality time with kids at weekends. On the other hand they are only small for such a short time so it's not the end of the world career wise if you take a break. And there are obviously loads of benefits to staying at home. Just remember nobody on their death bed looking at their family says 'I wish I'd spent more time at work'

In short - you can't win.

After mat leave I pretty much picked up where I left off so there was no real set backs there. When I went PT though people expected me to still spend my free days catching up on their crap and treated my like some sort of unambitious temp. I got so fed up of it. I'm much happier full time.

Working part time almost certainly will effect it, yes. However it’s a lot better for your career than giving up entirely.

There is no way I could manage my job (very full on, lots of evening work) full time, so I now work 4 days and firmly believe that’s the best possible compromise for me and my family.

The other thing is that career may not be so important to you when you go back. But your children won’t be young forever and there will be time to step back up later on.