To not tell ExDH where we are going?

[KevinKlineSwoon]

ExDH has turned up on every holiday I have taken the kids on. We went to Portugal, he flew over for two days and insisted on seeing them. We went to Cornwall, he drove there are insisted on taking them to the Eden project. We went to Legoland, he appeared and persuaded me to let him take the kids one day. I took them up north and he couldn't get there and was furious with me. I should say, he has taken them to all sorts of places and I would never go.
I am absolutely fed up with it. I have very little money and he takes the kids out to expensive places, buys them presents etc and I can't.

I am taking them to Alton Towers next week. We are just going for two days and staying in a cheap hotel nearby. It's midweek and he will probably be working. He will be really angry when he finds out we have been and not told him. WIBU to do that? I should add that both my DDs have a very difficult relationship with him and would prefer he wasn't there.

Scottish schools are already on holiday

@swingofthings the OP says she's in Scotland. School has finished there.

Ooops. Simulposts

Lucky them? Have a great time? He doesn't need to know!

Good grief. I wouldn't dream of telling him. Sounds like a controlling arsehole!

Wow I was going to say what if something happened etc but jesus do not tell him he sounds crazy. How do you relax knowing he could just turn up? No go and enjoy with your DDs.

It should be a much more relaxing holiday for you all knowing he can't turn up or is in Devon

Enjoy!

Just don't tell him you're going, easy. I'd also be talking to the dd about how much contact they want, if any. If he gets arsey, he can take you to court where the judge will listen to your dd's desires.

Do you have to tell him anything? If it falls on your weekend or your weekly time I wouldn’t bother telling him anything. It’s for 2 days and it’s within the UK.

If he needs to know - for example he rings every night to talk to them - then in this instance I wouldn’t hesitate in lying to him. “I’m taking DDs’ to London for 2 days next week, they won’t be able to answer the phone. They’ll be back in time for your contact”.

I had to do similar with my exh a couple of years ago. He wasn’t as batshit as yours but he rang nightly to speak to DD, I told him we were going on holiday and he rang incessantly to speak to DD. Next time I told him we were going away to the countryside and there would be no signal, then I popped my phone on airplane mode.

This is batshit, OP. I've never heard of such a thing. And believe me, I've seen some weird things in my time.

Not telling him would be a no-brainer for me, but this only tackles the immediate symptom and not the actual problem.

I'd strongly urge you to take legal advice. This behaviour is ... well, how do I put this? Unusual.

Don't tell him anything. He is using it to control and stalk you.

Listen to your children if they say they don't want to see him. Get them to tell you why and stop forcing the issue. If he kicks off then let the courts decide. They will generally listen to what a 13 year old and an 11 year old think and take account of it.

@KevinKlineSwoon
I'm in Scotland. Both my DC refused contact with their DF. He took me to court and the judge respected their decision and made it official and revoked his parental responsibilities so he also had no say in any decisions regarding both DC.

I not sure because I'd guess he's going to do the same back to you if you don't tell him. Will you be ok if he pops off for a couple of days and won't tell you where. I think I'd say something like "I'm thinking of taking the kids to either legoland or chessington next week overnight if I can find a good deal. I'll let you know if I do" I know it's not strictly true and you shouldn't have to lie due to his behaviour however if you need to think about yourself and how important for you to know where the kids are.

Uk trips, I would treat as spontaneous and not tell ex.

Aboard trips I would be vague, and I would lie to kids. So if we were going to menorca I would tell the kids Majorca, something not massively out so it could be classed as a mistake.

What did he do when he turned up in Portugal? Call you? Turn up at your hotel? Borderline stalker

What a ridiculous carry on! You and your dc certainly shouldn't go away and be lookimg over your shoulders all the time.

Go away, don't tell him a thing. Let him rant and take you to court.
I can confirm that at their age a Judge / court would listen to their wishes and take them on board. I had to go this route with exh and the children were very clear at age 10 and contact was stopped with the proviso that they could restart if / when they wished.

If you do go away without telling him where (and I would) then ensure all phones are turned off or in flight mode so that they cannot "check in" at any point, giving your location away.