Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s another party one.....

38 replies

TheLime · 02/07/2019 14:32

Every year I have a dilemma about DSs party and do a MN thread. I probably need therapy.

So I am organising DSs party. He will be 8 and he has asked for a laser quest party. The minimum is 14. There are 16 boys in the class.

I would say this year the interests of the boys and girls have diverged significantly and of the girls he plays with none would be interested in a laser quest party, although a couple might come because of my friendship with the mums.

There is a boy in the class who has behavioural difficulties. He is lovely, but he is enormous and he can be very violent. He hurts kids every day. He has an arms length 1-2-1 at school. He spends a lot of time in his own room. His parents are also lovely people but they do not have control over him and they are nervous of him and what he might do. Any party I’ve been to whilst he’s there has had at least one episode of pretty serious violence. However, his parents always accept invites.

So basically I need to invite 13 people, plus my own DS, out of 16 boys, to a party, and I don’t want this particular boy there because he is not controlled and he will hurt someone. But I don’t want to leave him out or have him feel upset.

Can anyone think of a solution?

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 02/07/2019 14:34

If it's such a deal that you need to post every year about it, maybe you just shouldn't bother having a party. I certainly didn't have a party every year on my birthday as a child. I might have had my best friend or two mates round for tea.

MyOpinionIsValid · 02/07/2019 14:34

Do you have any external friends or cousins? That way you could perhaps invite eg 10 from the class, 5 others and your DS, then it isnt so obvious.

MyOpinionIsValid · 02/07/2019 14:36

Or. Does Laser Quest have a disbility policy? Due to the nature of the game, someone with such disbailities may be prohibited from taking part.

GinUnicorn · 02/07/2019 14:36

I’d say invite external non school friends to even it out. I also wouldn’t assume girls wouldn’t have fun. I loved laser quest as a child. If you had 12 from the glass (mix bits and girls) and a few cousins or club friends it would feel okay I think.

Geminijes · 02/07/2019 14:36

You're going to invite 13 boys (and your son) from a class of 16 so 2 boys will be left out.

I think I would encourage your son to have a different type of party or invite ALL the boys.

coolestmum · 02/07/2019 14:38

Can't you invite less children and don't do the actual laserquest centres birthday party setup? Instead take a handful of his best friends, get them a few games of laserquest then onto a pizza hut or mcdonalds for birthday lunch?

Birdie6 · 02/07/2019 14:39

I'd include those couple of girls who you mentioned, and then you can omit the problematical child without appearing to be discriminatory.

HiJenny35 · 02/07/2019 14:39

Massive assumption that 8 year old girls wouldn't like laser. Are you actually saying that ALL the girls in the class just like girlie things, of course they don't it's just that people like you exclude girls from doing things like this. Teenage brother had a laser party and a mic of boys and girls and they all had an equally good time.

Original poster
TheLime · 02/07/2019 14:39

It’s a company that comes to a hall and sets up the laser quest. We don’t have an actual laser quest nearby

OP posts:
sacope · 02/07/2019 14:40

So basically I need to invite 13 people, plus my own DS, out of 16 boys, to a party,

I don't understand this part?

If you don't want that one boy there then don't invite him. But why would you deliberately leave out one more boy?

ShakespearesFister · 02/07/2019 14:40

External friends or cousins sounds like a great idea.

If I were you then I would invite a good few girls. We did a laser quest thing for our son at a similar age and at least 3 or 4 of his female friends were keen to come. That would be enough to mean that you didn't need to invite every boy in the class (or exclude only the problematic one).

As a last resort, I'm sure the venue would go ahead with fewer than 14 present, as long as you paid for 14 places.

MyOpinionIsValid · 02/07/2019 14:40

@TheLime - they should still have a company policy on disability with regard to H&S

Original poster
TheLime · 02/07/2019 14:41

I also used to love LQ as a child. I’m sure there are girls in his class who would love it, but those he plays with and I know well probably wouldn’t enjoy it.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLime · 02/07/2019 14:42

I don’t know if this boy is disabled.

OP posts:
WhatAGreatDay · 02/07/2019 14:43

The last thing anyone needs is an excited, violent kid at a Laser Quest party. I think it's fine to invite say 10 of the 16 boys to the party and then add other friends, girls, siblings etc.

This boy hurts other children so it's fine not to invite him. It's worse for the nicer boys who aren't going to be invited in order for this boy not to feel singled out.

CrazyCatLady159 · 02/07/2019 14:43

My daughter is turning 8 and she's having a paintball party - I'm sure some girls would love to be invited! Gets your numbers up and some girls get to have fun win win!

Expressedways · 02/07/2019 14:43

Can’t you just turn up and do laser quest in a smaller group? I know there will be other people there too but it gets around the numbers issue. Then book somewhere for a meal afterwards. As opposed to doing the proper laser quest party. DNephew had a party like this once and it was good.

Alternatively have him only invite his good friends and make up the numbers with the girls (they might surprise you!), friends from outside of school e.g. clubs or neighbours, or family if there are any cousins around his age.

MyOpinionIsValid · 02/07/2019 14:44

If he has a 1-2-1 TA then he will quite likely have a learning (or behavioural) disability

LL83 · 02/07/2019 14:47

I wouldn't invite more than half of the boys if you can't invite all of them and to avoid the violent boy it sounds like you can't invite all of the boys.

So I would invite 7 boys from school and the others could be girls, or friends/family outside school.

sacope · 02/07/2019 15:11

But why are you planning to leave out one more boy?

Original poster
TheLime · 02/07/2019 15:15

I worded it badly sorry, I just meant I had to invite a minimum of 13 plus DS out of 16

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLime · 02/07/2019 15:16

I think I could probably get five girls there, and invite 9 boys

OP posts:
Waveysnail · 02/07/2019 15:17

Do his his parents stay at the party? How serious is the violence? Do other children like him or are they scared of him?

Original poster
TheLime · 02/07/2019 15:20

They would stay.

It can be quite bad. The worst he’s done to my son is cut and bruise his hips by whirling him round by the jumper into a pole. He knocked over the dj deck at my sons fifth birthday.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLime · 02/07/2019 15:20

The kids like him especially as he access to an iPad which he lets them watch him play games on. He is very sweet and caring. Just has these outbursts.

OP posts: