It’s another party one.....

[TheLime]

Every year I have a dilemma about DSs party and do a MN thread. I probably need therapy.

So I am organising DSs party. He will be 8 and he has asked for a laser quest party. The minimum is 14. There are 16 boys in the class.

I would say this year the interests of the boys and girls have diverged significantly and of the girls he plays with none would be interested in a laser quest party, although a couple might come because of my friendship with the mums.

There is a boy in the class who has behavioural difficulties. He is lovely, but he is enormous and he can be very violent. He hurts kids every day. He has an arms length 1-2-1 at school. He spends a lot of time in his own room. His parents are also lovely people but they do not have control over him and they are nervous of him and what he might do. Any party I’ve been to whilst he’s there has had at least one episode of pretty serious violence. However, his parents always accept invites.

So basically I need to invite 13 people, plus my own DS, out of 16 boys, to a party, and I don’t want this particular boy there because he is not controlled and he will hurt someone. But I don’t want to leave him out or have him feel upset.

Can anyone think of a solution?

A lot of soft play areas do a laser party option now, maybe check that out?

Do you mean the maximum is 14?

Another person voting for saving yourself this yearly drama of a party ever year. Seems rather elaborate and it is a luxury not a must-have. If it causes you stress I would put a stop to it. Why not have just have his best friend over for dinner, cinema and a game of footie in the garden? That way no-one is being left out and there is no issue with this troublesome boy.

My kids were told they were each allowed ONE birthday party, which they both opted to have for their 8th. It costs a fortune, takes a lot of prep and I'm glad I don't need to stress over it annually. But to each their own.....

I would split the party 7 girls, 7 boys and not invite the child that is violent.
If you invite all the boys bar 2 that is very unkind op.
Half and half seems fair, and you won’t hurt the feelings of the children not invited.

He has 1 to 1 arms length at school and you don't know if he's disabled? He must be surely?

Why don't you just have all boys, and less numbers? Surely 13 is the upper limit, but you could have 6 say?

14 is the minimum.

Do not feel bad about leaving out the one boy. If his behaviour is out of control, you are doing the other boys a favour. If you can trust the parents to control him (although you say you can't), then by all means invite him, AND his parents. They must know the issues - they might feel peeved, but your party, your rules. I have been a teacher, and I do know how relieved children can be when the disruptive child is not present. I know it sounds harsh, but they have to learn to relate to him every day at school. Give them a break.

His party is first in the year and he hasn’t invited DS for a couple of years.

Send out invites late and hope two can’t make it
We invited whole class of 30 but made sure it was at Easter so lots away and had 15 which is what we wanted
You can’t not invite SENbiy that’s mean

Surely if it's a 14 minimum you can have more than that for the same cost? E.g., the hall won't cost more if there's one more child?
Why do you feel you need to invite the violent child? He doesn't invite your son so they're obviously not friends. Why put everybody else at risk or hurt other boys' feelings by not inviting them, just to save his feelings? Children in his class will have to make allowances for his behaviour every day, don't they deserve a day off? You are not obliged to invite anyone to the party, especially someone who never invites your son to theirs! It's a no-brainer, surely?

If he hasn’t invited your ds for a couple of years then I really don’t get your issue. Just don’t invite him.

If its a mix of girls and boys its fine to leave him out, if just boys it looks mean