Should I complain to the University about this?

[MonstranceClock]

I had to go in this morning to return something that was supposed to be returned last week, however, as my daughter has chicken pox I wasn't able to go in.
This wasn't an issue, but the woman that I had to deal with was really rude to me about my age.
When I explained why I hadn't been in, she looked visibly shocked and said;
"You have a daughter? What? How old are you?"
"I'm 26, why?"
"Oh my god, how old is your daughter?"
"4, about to turn 5."
"Jesus, single mum?"
"That's none of your business."

The tone wasn't a light surprised tone, which I've experienced before as in "Wow, you loook young!" but it was the sort of voice you use when you've just found out some terrible news!
I just dumped the item i needed to return down on her desk and left before I kicked off at her. I'm also visibly pregnant so felt even more judged.
Would you just let it go or would you make a complaint? I wouldn't even know where to start.

*head of school / complaints or similar

Ps. My own personal tutor at university dealt with a serious complaint against a lecturer, but I believe this was done by forwarding it to the complaints section

@DirtyDennis why do you think nothing would be done about an academic speaking to someone like this? It would in my institution. It tends to be more common to see complaints like this from research students who have a more direct relationship but we do see it fairly often. The member of staff would be subject to disciplinary procedures regardless of contract type

I think YA totally NBU to be upset and angry with her rude and inappropriate comments. Personally, I wouldn’t complain if I didn’t have to deal with her on a regular basis. That’s not to say she doesn’t deserve it btw.

I’m sorry for all you’ve been through for your sad loss. be kind to yourself and don’t let an ignoramus drag you down. Take care.

TBH if she's an academic, complaining to a HoD at this time of year about her being rude is completely pointless.
I say this as an academic.

If a student told my head of department I'd spoken to her like this I would be getting my gonads handed to me on a skewer (and being sent for compulsory training on treating people with respect), no matter what time of year. Not all academics are as apathetic as your head of department apparently is.

We have a receptionist who is legendarily rude; even she wouldn't have spoken to a student in the way the OP is recounting.

@DirtyDennis OPs uni/PT might not take the same view as you/your uni. My personal tutor and even my dissertation supervisor have made it quite clear that they'd like me to tell them about any pastoral/administrative/financial/etc issues both inside and outside of uni. As this is an area OP would probably need support in (looking at the full picture of bereavement, pregnancy, unwell child and having been upset by the administrator), if they're anything like mine her PT probably would want to know.

It isn't a personal tutor's job to deal with this but they should signpost you to the complains procedure and pass your email to the person's manager.

I think the best thing yuo can do is go back and tell her you are widowed and being a single mum was not a lifestyle choice...shame her but have a straight face on...might be better than a complaint at this time of year

I work in professional services at a university and I would be appalled if I heard a colleague of mine speak to somebody like that. You should complain, OP. She's either incredibly thoughtless, in which case she needs reminding to think before she speaks, or she's a raging bitchbag and needs to know that her actions have consequences, even if that just ends up being a word from her line manager or something.

OP, so sorry for your loss. That person sounds incredibly insensitive and out of line.

You don't have anything to lose by complaining - if it is a place where it is ineffective, at least you've made someone think, and if it's one of the places where it would do something, hopefully this person can get some talking to/training/role shift or similar.

At my Uni it'd be fine to contact the personal tutor: I tell all my tutees to come to me if they don't know where to go with an issue! I wouldn't be the one to sort it, but I'd definitely take it seriously and help the student find out where/how to lodge a complaint.

Sorry for saying secretary, English isn't my first language and I couldn't think of the right word for her. Administrator is right.

There were 2 other women in the office at the time but neither of them said anything. Usually I am not this sensitive, but obviously atm I am so was doubting my reaction which is why I post here.
We are told to always go through our personal tutors with things, and I am working closely with her atm due to my bereavement and having to retake an exam.

My personal tutor has sent an email to the womans head of department.

Thats good op,hopefully you get an apology form the women.

What you did was fine OP, and it is absolutely fine to ask guidance from your PT. Also not sure why an academic wouldn't be spoken to about this - v odd thing to say.

And well done for continuing your studies at such a time. You will be a great inspiration to your children.