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Original poster

Should I complain to the University about this?

63 replies

MonstranceClock · 02/07/2019 13:52

I had to go in this morning to return something that was supposed to be returned last week, however, as my daughter has chicken pox I wasn't able to go in.
This wasn't an issue, but the woman that I had to deal with was really rude to me about my age.
When I explained why I hadn't been in, she looked visibly shocked and said;
"You have a daughter? What? How old are you?"
"I'm 26, why?"
"Oh my god, how old is your daughter?"
"4, about to turn 5."
"Jesus, single mum?"
"That's none of your business."

The tone wasn't a light surprised tone, which I've experienced before as in "Wow, you loook young!" but it was the sort of voice you use when you've just found out some terrible news!
I just dumped the item i needed to return down on her desk and left before I kicked off at her. I'm also visibly pregnant so felt even more judged.
Would you just let it go or would you make a complaint? I wouldn't even know where to start.

OP posts:
Anarchyshake · 02/07/2019 15:34

It would be bad enough for her to speak to you like that, but considering you've been widowed recently and therefore now ARE a single parent, I think I'd have been in floods of tears to be honest, well done for staying composed. Hopefully your personal tutor will speak to the lady.

LondonJax · 02/07/2019 15:34

I used to work as an administrator in a University. Yes this time of year is hard work. BUT that doesn't give someone an excuse for being rude to people. Doctors are overworked, nurses are overworked, paramedics are overworked and I wouldn't accept being spoken to like that from one of those professions.

You can hardly put an admin job in a university on the same level as the stress those other professions go through every day. Yes, it's busy at the moment but that calms down. It's not a day in, day out stress like the other professions I've mentioned.

The point is she is paid to do a job and do it with a polite head on. If she can't she should look for something else. Report her. Someone needs to tell her that the way she thinks she can speak to people is actually not correct - otherwise she'll carry on doing it and one day someone won't just walk away like you did. You'll be doing her a favour by nipping this business of being too familiar with people in the bud. Otherwise, next time she may say it to someone who will have a real say in whether she actually keeps her job, not just get a 'word in your ear' type of message.

DirtyDennis · 02/07/2019 15:42

@Anarchyshake Hopefully your personal tutor will speak to the lady
It's absolutely not the personal tutor's job to tell off administrative staff. This is why I'd be pissed off if a student contacted me about this as their personal tutor.

AmeriAnn · 02/07/2019 15:42

So you want to get her fired? Shit canned? Thrown out on her ear?

Your complaint might be the straw that broke the camels back as far as her job goes. Is it worth it?

You should have just mumbled some enormous insult at her and moved on.

CardinalCopia · 02/07/2019 15:45

Your complaint might be the straw that broke the camels back as far as her job goes. Is it worth it?

And her treatment of a grieving woman might have been the thing that tipped her over the edge.

DishingOutDone · 02/07/2019 15:46

You were able to be polite in the face of unacceptable rudeness and judgement. I can see absolutely no mitigation for the behaviour you experienced. I would complain and urge you to do the same.

Sounds good to me. All we ever hear on MN is oh it must have been your fault or you misunderstood or, failing all else, they must have MH issues.

Woman was a bitch, she has no right, I'd say call it.

janebond007 · 02/07/2019 15:46

did you get the person's name?

I would email via the university's complaints procedure, using the person's name, the day and time, a description of the woman (if no name badge).

Don't go via your tutor, do it direct via the complaints system.

Notcopingwellhere · 02/07/2019 15:47

@BeansandRice the woman wasn’t “short” with OP, she asked her a series of completely unnecessary personal questions then proceeded to pass judgment on her. To make it worse she said “single parent?” in a condescending way to a woman whose partner died only 6 months ago.

That is way worse than just being a bit brisk or grumpy. Can’t you see the difference?

Pearlfish · 02/07/2019 15:48

She was rude, yes. But personally I wouldn't complain. It's an incredibly busy time of year for university admin staff as they sort out all the exam results, re-sits etc. She may have been at the end of her tether and doesn't need to deal with a complaint against her as well.

Notcopingwellhere · 02/07/2019 15:49

Why would someone at the end of their tether bother extending what needs only be a straightforward interaction “thanks for returning that, bye”- by asking personal questions?

LonelyTiredandLow · 02/07/2019 15:53

I probably would write in; the university don't know who is shaming people until someone points it out. She may have thought she was just making conversation but it doesn't sound like it.

Having been a student and single mum I found the complete set up for University very snobby. There are few facilities for us in most campuses (not all admittedly) and they don't even want our data so have no desire to improve.

The point is that she wouldn't have said similar to someone from another race or with an obvious disability, so why are we allowed to be targeted for having children and studying? Campuses can be very hostile places to single parents at times.

LonelyTiredandLow · 02/07/2019 15:56

Pearlfish being at the end of your tether and busy do not excuse poor behaviour and shaming students whilst you are at work. Either she has no idea she is being rude; in which case she should not be student facing, or she knew exactly what she was doing and again, should not be student facing.

Notcopingwellhere · 02/07/2019 16:01

@Blackberrybunnet
btw you couldn't be feeling just the teensiest bit over-sensitive at the moment, could you?

I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and hope that you missed OP’s update at 14:20.

If not then shame on you.

roundbottomflask · 02/07/2019 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dustarr73 · 02/07/2019 16:04

She was rude, yes. But personally I wouldn't complain. It's an incredibly busy time of year for university admin staff as they sort out all the exam results, re-sits etc. She may have been at the end of her tether and doesn't need to deal with a complaint against her as well.

Well she should have thought of that before being rude as hell to a women she doesnt know.Lucky she didnt get a slap off her.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 02/07/2019 16:09

TBH if she's an academic, complaining to a HoD at this time of year about her being rude is completely pointless.

So you think she should just forget about it?

amusedbush · 02/07/2019 16:13

I'm a university administrator (not secretary!) and her attitude was terrible. Under current regulations because you have emailed your tutor voicing your displeasure, whether you said the word "complaint" or not, it will need to be logged as first stage complaint.

I know people who work at lots of different universities and we all have the same guidelines with regard to complaints so it's likely the same where you are.

DirtyDennis · 02/07/2019 16:14

@TheOrigRightsofwomen No, I said in a subsequent post that OP should complain. However, if the woman was an academic (which we now know she's not), I very much doubt anything at all would be done at this time of year. So while the OP should complain about an academic treating her this way, don't expect anything to come of it. My post on this is, though, completely irrelevant now that we know the rude woman isn't an academic. Maybe RTFT.

cheesemongery · 02/07/2019 16:16

Same age as me when I had my first - good luck with your studies! I know you don't need any luck with being a Mum xx

pippistrelle · 02/07/2019 16:17

Different universities work in different ways, but if you have a student intranet, you should find information on the complaints process in yours on there.

It's absolutely not the personal tutor's job to tell off administrative staff. This is why I'd be pissed off if a student contacted me about this as their personal tutor.

How can you say what might happen in a University of which you have no knowledge?

CarrotVan · 02/07/2019 16:17

No point in contacting your personal tutor. You need to use the complaints procedure.

TBH if she's an academic, complaining to a HoD at this time of year about her being rude is completely pointless.

Complaining to a HoD is almost always completely pointless but a formal complaint will be taken seriously at any time of year

BarbedBloom · 02/07/2019 16:18

I manage an administrative team at a university and I would take this seriously. It is inappropriate to make any comments of a personal nature to customers, particularly the single mum part. This is because we don't know people's circumstances and a thoughtless comment could really upset someone. I would be reminding a member of staff of the code of conduct and adding it to their 1-1 notes. However, other departments would probably ignore it as I have witnessed some truly shocking comments made by people in other teams.

What I would advise is find the customer feedback part of the website and write it there as comments relating to certain areas go to our head of departments and are filtered down. These are definitely taken seriously and someone involved in a similar situation would likely be sent to our customer care workshop for retraining. Alternatively, send an email to the head of school or similar, who can usually be contacted via the webpage

Anarchyshake · 02/07/2019 16:18

@DirtyDennis OK, no, it's not the PTs job to. But my first port of call if I had an issue at uni, was to ask one of a couple of lecturers about it to at least find out who I should email.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/07/2019 16:19

I find it pretty poor that this should be put down to autism

So do I, Progged

It's some people's "go-to" explanation for bad behaviour everywhere.

For the record - there are more ill-mannered buggers about than there are people with autism.

Most of the autistic spectrum people I know are very aware that they can come across as inappropriate sometimes, even though they don't intend to, and carefully modify their behaviour and words.

The ones that are unable to do so are few and far between, and are unlikely mohave jobs integrating with other people on a daily basis.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/07/2019 16:20

*to have, not mohave

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