Mugged - AIBU?

[15YemenRoad]

I am not a new poster here, I have just NC for privacy reasons.

Last week on my way to a meeting I was mugged at knife point at the train station. Two men stood either side of me, one kept pushing me and when I asked him to stop he said sorry. Next thing I know, he has a knife pressed into my back and the person to the other side of me grabs my purse and phone and runs off.

I have had an extremely difficult year and this has truly set me off. I keep replaying what I could have done different so that they would not take my property. I am driving myself insane going over it again and again and again, just trying to make sense.

The train station was not packed, but there were people. I guess my AIBU for feeling some anger that not even one person came to see if I was okay or even attempt to call for help? Nothing, not one person acted.

I've lived in London all my life, and I've never truly feared such things but currently I am a mess and I don't really know what to do. I do not have a supportive family unfortunately so it's just me trying to figure this out. Right now I am just driving myself insane with it all.

I have logged it with the BTP but realistically I know there's nothing that will really ever come of this.

I'm sorry for sharing this, I just wanted to put it out there hoping I could at least make some sense of all this.

Thank you for your time if you read this.

If you had tried to do something you would have probably got stabbed for your trouble. It's always scary when you get a glimpse into how harsh and uncaring people can be. Not just the bad guys but those who don't give a shit about anyone but themselves too.

I was going through a tough time a while back with something similar and really despairing about it... and these words just popped into my head 'if you can't see the light, be the light'. Since then I've taken up volunteering and try to go out of my way to do a good deed for a stranger when I get the chance. Because, I figure there are some mighty dark, shitty things in this world and maybe we should all be responsible for putting a little goodness back in.

The world isn't all bad if you are in it and you can do some good.

@avamiah There were no staff at that station so when I got off at my destination stop I informed the train staff there. They then gave me a number to call and said it had to be logged with the British Transport Police. I spent ages calling them after my meeting but they were very busy. Fortunately when I reached Stratford I saw some police officers there and reported it there. They then took me to an office and took all my statements.

@Opossooom I feel like I would be taking away someone else's opportunity for therapy who may need it more than me if I do this? I don't know. I feel like I need to toughen up? It sounds silly I know. I'm just a confused mess, I don't even know what I am entitled to feel right now.

You poor thing. You didn't do anything wrong. At all. There were two of them, they were armed and it was planned.. The safest thing to do was exactly what you did. It's totally normal to feel shocked and upset. Don't hide this from friends or your employers or colleagues- you're not weak or anything. You have nothing at all to be ashamed of.

Please do report this to the police. It might help local police catch them, you never know. And post about your purse on local social media. Chances are they took your money and chucked the purse. Someone may find it?

Sorry, just seen that you did report it. And I'm sorry nobody helped you. That's pants.

@TeaForTheWin Oh you are absolutely right. The funny thing is that same day just before I got on the train, I was on a bus and a lady had lost her card so could not pay for her fare. She had been walking for ages and the bus driver just would not let her on. I got up and paid for her and she was so grateful, I said to her that I would have hoped if I were in this situation someone would do it for me too. I did ask her to pay it forward one day as it helps bringing some light into this world.

I do volunteer, I actually volunteer with a service by Heads Together.

I love your way of thinking and I will be doing more to be a better person. Thank you so very much for your kind words.

Hi OP,
I'm sorry this happened to you.
Could you contact Victim Support to talk it through- there is a free helpline.

www.victimsupport.org.uk

I'm glad you didn't fight for your stuff - you could have been badly hurt. Even the person that gave you the purse that had sentimental value wouldn't want you to risk being hurt to protect it (I know they have passed). You are far more valuable to your family and friends than "stuff".

If anyone saw what was going on perhaps they were too terrified to intervene - knife crime is terrifying. Then after perhaps embarrassed to have not intervened?

I'd like to see loads of stop and search and an automatic 5 years in prison for anyone carrying a knife or weapon. Let's hope our politicians have some plans to tackle knife crime as part of their campaigning for next elections. It could certainly be a vote winner.

No idea what happened to him but he only got £12 from me - crazy he would risk prison for couple of years for that. I would guess his life was pretty screwed up but still.

I worked in London after for 15 odd years so went in just not after dark. But still had a nice life around it.

I hope only good things happen to you too now and hope you get some better friends. Feel free to PM me and I will try to help though I am lousy at not being anxious! I have a lovely husband and two lovely children though, a cat and rabbit.

OP I'm so sorry to hear what you went through. Your feelings are totally normal because you're still trying to process what happened to you. You've had a really nasty experience and are likely to feel vulnerable for some time.

I was mugged at knifepoint a few years ago although different circumstances to you. Lone mugger and he was caught. However,the feeling of all the strength just leaving my body when I saw/felt the knife will never leave me.

Have the police put you in touch with victim support? I was treated as a priority because it was a violent crime and I can't speak highly enough of the help they gave me. It wasn't counselling as such but I had a safe space and someone impartial to talk things through with. I found it really valuable. I'm a really confident and capable person and have overcome adversity in my life but after being mugged I had anxious,panicky feelings for a long time. You're not alone with this you just need to reach out for support.

You didn’t fail yourself, you did exactly the right thing. Right now your safely sitting at home feeling traumatised and wondering what you could of done to stop them taking your property, you could of fought them to keep your property and ended up very seriously injured. You did the right thing. Can you reach out to some kind of victim support?

Op, you definitely did the right thing. Your life / physical health is not worth losing over a phone and purse.

Please get some counselling. But remember - they are absolute fuckers and this is on them.

OP

What a horrible event.

Eventhough you did the right thing, in your situation I would also wonder what I could have done to prevent it. A friend of mine got mugged outside his house by two guys who pulled knives on him. He asked a kung-fu instructor what he could have done. The answer was 'nothing'. Fighting just one person with a weapon when you are unarmed is likely to get yourself killed. Fighting two is pretty much suicide.

But it is a traumatic event and makes you feel unsafe. You are not pathetic. I also think you could benefit from some counseling to help you give this a space in your life.

OP, you did right under the circumstances. I don't scare easliy, am of large built around 2 metres high BUT with a knife pressed into my back thery'd be welcome to the phone and whatever i had I would NOT risk some one like them to have used the knife.

A knife would in the wrong place is that worth a mobile and purse wallet? The phone can be cancelled plus the cards I'd not have anything on me that can ident where i live, name even.

Hope you feel more settled soon:)

I'm so sorry to read what you have been through and suffered alone

Firstly I would say that by freezing you may have saved yourself from much worse so please stop blaming yourself , your body and brain took over in a very natural way
These criminals sound like they are well practiced and possibly no one else realised what was happening at the time so didn't realise you needed help
I agree with the previous poster about cctv , they should be able to see who they were and act
Please get some help , you have nothing to be ashamed of at all , you have done nothing wrong , talk to a GP or the regular police and see if you can be referred for counselling you shouldn't have to suffer this without some help

So sorry this happened to you. What a shock for you.

If you hadn’t they may have stabbed you. Your things can mostly be replaced, you can’t.

My DH and I were mugged at knife point once, he got behind my DH and held a knife to his throat and took our phones and money.

Like you we did nothing to defend ourselves and that really bothered my DH, he felt he had failed to protect us I think and for ages kept talking about what he 'should' have done. But he, like you (and I although the knife wasn't held against me) did exactly what we should have done and at the end of the day the muggers got a phone and some money and bits and bobs from your bag but nobody was harmed.

It sucks though, it feels like a violation and it really shook us up for ages. It fades though, it was 5 years ago for us and we probably have barely thought about it in years.

I'm sorry the BTP aren't really doing anything, we weren't in London and the police were awesome, we went to a nearby McDonald's and used the managers phone to phone the police within a couple of minutes and they flooded the area with police, took us to a station for hours to give statements and as the guy was a repeat offender they even set up a sting and actually caught him. He got over 7 years!

The police reaction though gave our feelings validation, they took it so seriously then it must have been serious if that makes sense? I'm sorry you aren't getting that, you should, it was serious and you are allowed to be shaken up by it.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect

The bystander effect explains why people are less likely to act in crowded situations. Doesn't help how you are feeling, but maybe gives some insight into why others never responded.

I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you, I hope your year improves. I'd say the chances of being mugged are slim when you are not in a gang or younger, so just try to think it was a one off (although that won't help much). I'd go to the doctors and ask for counselling if that's what you feel comfortable with. This may have triggered things off inside of you. Good luck and take care.

If it's any consolation, someone tried to mug me when I was walking home alone in the dark, and the adrenaline kicked in and I screamed blue murder and wrestled my bag back. I got a proper telling off from the police, as he could have been armed. They were right, if course. It's not worth it for the sake of possessions.

I'm not surprised you feel like you do. It must have been terrifying. I'd be absolutely devastated if anything as frightening happened to me. I'd also advise contacting Victim Support, and going to you GP. As for the fact that no one helped you, that is just awful, what is the matter with people in London? I live in a city and it wouldn't have happened here. You poor thing.

I was involved in an incident on a bus, nothing to the magnitude of what happened to you, but potentially I was in danger. The incident fizzled out but what has stuck with me was the reluctance of anybody to help. I did not expect them to pitch in, but they could have alerted the driver. Instead, they scuttled off the bus as quick as they could. One even looked ashamed as she did so. I am not a nice person, I am hoping karma is going to catch up with them.

I think muggers now know that they can act as they like. It used to be that muggings were covert and hidden, now they are brazen. They can act as they like because they know that nobody will help the victim and even if they are caught, the criminal repercussions are minimal.

You are understandably shook up and angry, I felt angry reading about it. How has this allowed to happen. You do need to tell somebody, victim support isa good steer.

Never mind Brexit, money needs to be thrown at tackling crime. Whatever tactics cleaned up New York should be deployed here.

OP you did the right thing, personal belongings are not worth been stabbed for. The people that witnessed it were wise not to approach the muggers as they would be at risk of being stabbed as well, however it's really shocking nobody asked if you were okay or called the police - are you sure they realised what had actually happened?

Please seek counselling - this is what it is for and definitely contact victim support - they are very good.

Be kind to yourself and remember your life is worth more than any priced phone, you did the sensible thing.

@SunniDay Thank you Sunni for your kind words and support. I completely agree with you, I hope that knife crime is tackled, I was very fortunate not to get hurt but the amount of lives lost already is too many. I hope politicians do begin to put funds in to our forces, they do not have enough resources.

@PenguinsRabbits That is so very sweet of you Penguins, be careful, I may take you up on that PM offer! Ha. If I can ever be of use, please do let me know. I have really appreciated your kindness and the fact you shared your own story with me. I truly hope you do have wonderful days ahead with nothing but happiness. If you ever do visit London, do let me know I will take you for a coffee ha.

@Serenity45 Oh I am so sorry to hear what you went through, ugh that sounds horrendous. I completely understand what you mean though, I felt like my entire being had left my body and I just stood there soulless whilst I let this happen to me. This is what makes me angry at myself and confuses me as to how did this even happen.

I am so glad they were able to get you support, did it help? I was not offered anything, they literally just took my statement and did some paperwork and informed me they would be in touch after an investigation.

@DaisyDreaming Thank you for your kind words and taking time to message. I would like to use some support but at the same time I know many places resources are stretched as it is, so I feel I do not deserve it enough as someone who really needs help could use the time I take up. I feel like I need to toughen up and just make peace with this. I am trying to be normal but I do see myself cracking as I am a little paranoid when out and about, something I have never been before, not in daylight anyway.

@MT2017 and @CaptSkippy Thank you so very much to you both for your kind words and taking time out to reply, it is really appreciated. Thank you.

@Justaboy You are right, I didn't even realise he had a knife on him until he pushed it right into me so that I could feel the sharp tip. That was terrifying and it was then I just felt like a body with no soul and I froze. Now I try and think about that moment and everyone else's face that was around me is a blur, it's like I had blocked out everything but the face of the person behind me and in front.

@fatfluffycushion Thank you for your kind words. Yes the BTP stated that these people work in groups and what they did to me is exactly what they do. It is very rare for them to work alone, there is always someone to distract you and then someone who actually takes the belongings. They will mark you to one another by standing next to the victim and then the other will begin to approach. Putting it all together like that it's bloody terrifying how they do this.

@Bowerbird5 That is true, I probably wouldn't have been missed too much anyway, sadly. Thank you for your kind words.

@CharminglyGawky Oh my god, thank you for sharing but how terrifying. I can't even imagine how that must have felt for you both and as soon as I read it I imagined your husband would have felt he failed to protect you. But as you say, he did protect you and you were both right to not do anything. In such a situation there is no win for you, other than your life and it's best to let them take what they need. It's a disgusting violation and these people do it with no regard. It's insane how they can take and move on, yet those they do it to are shook up for days, months, years and can have their whole life altered. It's truly fucked up.

I was sexually assaulted during university and it took me a while to understand it was not my fault and this happening has also brought back all the feelings I had tried to forget. It's brought me back to a point where again I was helpless and when I searched for help after what he did, there was not one person to help me get home.

@Gingerkittykat Thank you so very much for that, this is what I need to see and understand so that my anger does not get misdirected.

@Mnetter19831983 Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope you have a wonderful year ahead of you too. I'm 30 and never have felt scared to be out and about in London, especially during the day when people are commuting back from work at a train station. It's all so unexpected.

@GCAcademic That is no consolation, I wished that never happened to you. Nonetheless I am glad you were not hurt! You sound like a tough cookie I bet the mugger did not anticipate your reaction at all which must have been a shock to his system!

@ooooohbetty Thank you for your kind words. Community spirit overall is on the down I think, people don't help one another as they used to when I was a child. There's an overall feeling of people keeping themselves to themselves.

@Sarcelle Oh goodness don't get me started on Brexit! The police are so understaffed, money is not being spent well and it's a shame that the government are allowing this. We should not have children starving in this country, I mean seriously. It is shambles and just wrong.

Thank you for your kind words though, I hope you have a good day ahead.

@FancyACarrot I told a married couple what had just happened and asked if they could help find some staff, and they just said "oh that is bad" and walked off. There were others who were staring but did nothing. I then just got on my train when it arrived as I still had a meeting to attend. Surprisingly I held in the tears throughout my journey and only cried stupidly once I left the meeting. I think it all got too much at that point.

Thank you to all who have sent me such kind words and also shared their stories, I am so sorry for what some of you have been through.

I wish you all a wonderful day ahead and I hope the rest of this year brings each and every one of you better days for you and your family.

Here's hoping we all have some great news this year and achieve some of our dreams.