about my clothes on the bed?

[Bunnylady53]

Long running argument/annoyance. We have downsized & have quite a bit less storage space so suffer from “ piles”. Our room has a lot of my clothes out & whenever I have time, I sort through & either try to find space for them or give them to charity. When I have a sort out, I tend to spread the clothes on the bed but then get sidetracked. DH often goes to bed before me & has a go because the clothes are all over the bed. I seem to be going over the same ground with him, trying to justify myself & saying that I will set aside enough time to do it all instead of starting then having to leave it. I can understand why he gets annoyed but he can be really negative about it too, saying that he doesn’t think I will ever get it all cleared. There’s stuff in the house that he leaves for ages but I try really hard not to nag him. It takes a minute to move the clothes.

I can't believe that out of the two people in this situation - YOU are the one writing in to have a whinge....!? 😂

Hilarious. YAB deeply U.

How hard is it to sort stuff out?

Are you sure that the getting sidetracked isn't because subconsciously you don't want to get rid of the items? You need to pick out so many outfits and then just charity shop or recycle the rest.

I am ruthless. If I haven't worn something in 12 months then it goes unless there is a good reason for it (e.g if I haven't been on holiday). If I have too much for the wardrobe, something goes and the key part is I don't buy anything to replace it. I have a one in and one out policy.

YABU in this case. You need to knuckle down and get it done. Sort on the floor if you have to

In the time you've taken to start this thread you could HAVE SORTED OUT YOUR F*ING CLOTHES.

My DP is a hoarder. If he didn't have many other amazing qualities I'd seriously consider leaving him over it. It can be that bad. Our garage, loft, cupboards are full of his hoarder crap.

Also, your DH has told you that this specific thing bothers him, so if you care about him why would you keep doing it? If you kept telling him to put the toilet seat down because it bothered you and he resolutely refused to do it, wouldn't you get pissed off? Well, it's like that. Do Marie Kondo, read up on developing a capsule wardrobe or something like that.

Yab soooooo U.

This is really not on. Just take a weekend and sort it out.

your house isn't too small, you aren't lacking in storage. You have too much crap. I'd be seriously pissed off if i had to move piles of stuff to go to bed. Do you have hoarding tendencies.

As for the" I'll do it when i have time" get off mumsnet and tidy up your mess!

YABVVVU

I know the feeling OP.

We've downsized by quite a bit and will be doing so again (isn't life a hoot), so there's many (many many many) car loads of Stuff! going to the charity shops.

I'm the one doing the main load of it as, admittedly, it's mainly either my stuff or things that I've bought over the years. DH is pretty laid back and tends to not comment as he's stepping around yet another pile, but even he would get pissed off if the piles were on the bed on a regular basis.

You really do need to ring fence some time and either just do the whole lot in one go, or a decent chunk, or, if you're like me and indecisive on certain things then bag those up and put them in the bottom of the wardrobe until your next set time to go through them.

I've found that it's taken me a number of goes around, a sort of layered phasing, to whittle it down. Whilst I've always been of the opinion that if I didn't love it or need it then it went, it's surprised me how much Stuff! I didn't realise I don't actually love I'm just used to it and how much I thought I need it when actually I don't. It's quite liberating. Even my shoe collection hasn't been immune to it!

Anyway, that was a very long winded way of saying yes, you are being unreasonable OP, but I understand and have been there.

Yabu

Majorly annoying. I’d sweep all your clothes into the ground to be honest

Nothing wrong with the too good for charity, why shouldn't people make a bit of money by selling good stuff instead of giving it away?

Apart from that, leave the bed available for your poor DH, that would drive me nuts. Work with smaller piles, and finish what you started.

YABU!
Stop buying things until you actually run out of that item. So undies aside, you have no more than 2 x blue denim jeans, 2 x white t-shirts or whatever, - and follow the one in, one out rule.
Same applies to cocktail dresses, dressy skirts or whatever. Clear out anything you haven’t worn or that’s doesn’t fit, then one in, one out.

This would drive me fucking insane. I hate cluttered beds. Beds are for sex and sleep. Not for stacking stuff.

I get irritated when dressing gowns are flung over the end of the bed not on the hooks behind the door. Piles of clothes is maddening. Just get on with it!!

There's nothing intrinsically wrong with the too good for charity idea, or selling your old stuff. However, I have known hoarder types essentially use it as an excuse to not throw stuff away. My stuff is a goldmine, I can't just be expected to shove it in some binbags and take it to the charity shop, I need time to wash and iron and appropriately bundle all the clothes, put everything back in the right boxes etc, and it'll all be on Ebay making us money soon, so you are in the wrong for wanting me to give it away or get rid. That type of mentality. I don't know if it's at play here of course but it can be somewhat destructive.

By the time you've started this thread and read it you could have done the clothes...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/housekeeping/3612006-Decluttering-one-thing-a-day-part-8-the-one-where-we-de-tetris-the-cupboard-of-doom?pg=2

Come over to this thread, OP

I'm not sure Marie Kondo would help as in all the programmes I've watched, the clothes all get piled on the bed...

(I have a family member who is incredibly messy and inclined to keep stuff unnecessarily. She wants a Marie Kondo consultant to come round. I've told her she doesn't as she'll actually have to do all the clearing up herself!)

The book is different from the programme. Programme is dramatised for effect. In the book it states the importance of tidying by category and how to break categories down if you can't finish one in one go. This is a very important part of the method - you simply cannot do half a task and go off, get distracted and leave it half done. You do one category (and break the categories down as much as you like) but you finish a category before you do anything else.

Bettet than me. Id lob it on the floor if i were him.

I have a great deal of sympathy for you as I used to be exactly like this, and being told to 'just do this, that and the other never, ever worked, and was very stressful. I got an adult ADHD diagnosis a few years back, and it has turned my life around. I can now break tasks down into bite-sized chunks and actually complete them, without my brain going into overactive meltdown and me bursting into tears.

So, I am posting to ask whether this is a possible diagnosis for you, and if not, just to offer sympathy, because I understand how hard it can be. It's not as simple as NT people often think.

Yes it’s very unreasonable to regularly leave your stuff around so someone else can’t go to bed - I’m surprised you don’t realise that. If you were my partner I’d just chuck it all on the floor - no need to be negative

I do have a learning difficulty ( not ADHD) so maybe my brain being wired differently doesn’t help.
As far as some clothes being too good for the charity shop, that was perhaps badly put. I meant that my Monsoon dresses etc cost me quite a lot & in some cases the tags are still on so I want to at least try to recoup some of the money.
Clearing out the bottom of the wardrobe has helped actually, I put in loads of shorts, t shirts & vest tops. As I said before though, still need to find a home for the shoes & handbags that were there before! Since my OP, I have pretty much gone through all my clothes. Just a little pile for trying on. I knew I was being unreasonable but guess I was looking for a bit of sympathy as DH can get quite arsey & sarcastic. Guess he’s driven to it at times!