about my clothes on the bed?

[Bunnylady53]

Long running argument/annoyance. We have downsized & have quite a bit less storage space so suffer from “ piles”. Our room has a lot of my clothes out & whenever I have time, I sort through & either try to find space for them or give them to charity. When I have a sort out, I tend to spread the clothes on the bed but then get sidetracked. DH often goes to bed before me & has a go because the clothes are all over the bed. I seem to be going over the same ground with him, trying to justify myself & saying that I will set aside enough time to do it all instead of starting then having to leave it. I can understand why he gets annoyed but he can be really negative about it too, saying that he doesn’t think I will ever get it all cleared. There’s stuff in the house that he leaves for ages but I try really hard not to nag him. It takes a minute to move the clothes.

Massively unreasonable OP - sorry!

DH has a habit of dumping clean laundry in a pile on the bed and saying he'll "sort it later"- if it's not sorted by the time I get into bed then I'm afraid it gets dumped on the floor in the spare room for him to sort out!

I don't pander to messy people I'm afraid!

YABU.

This post should come with a trigger warning because the image you have created of your bedroom plus the mention of 'hoarding' has made me feel very uncomfortable 😂

"Too good for the charity job" is part of your absurdity, and pretty unjustifiable!

The clothes need to be out of the house. End of. You've decided they're going, so take them to where's convenient.

Clinging on to them because of sunk costs is maddening!

Why are you posting on Mumsnet when you could be sorting out your piles of clothes?😉

I feel you, OP, I get like this sometimes too. In fact, my bedroom right now has piles of clothes that need sorted. Right - I'm going to give you (and me!) some tough love. Pilling clothes on the bed is a hoarding red flag to me. You need to get rid of at least one black bin bags worth of clothes and take to the charity shop today. Put it in the boot of the car and take it TODAY! Pulling out your shoes and bags to dump clothes at the bottom of your wardrobe is not a solution. Please get rid of some of the clothes - you will feel better, and have more time and head space to do some nice things instead of constantly moving piles of clothes and having discussions about it with your DH. I need to take some of my own advice so I will be sorting my own piles of clothing out today too. Anything that doesn't fit or I don't love will be going out. We can do this, OP!

This would drive me insane.

I can’t stand clutter and if I came up to bed and there was stuff all over it that I had to move before getting into bed it would really annoy me.

It's funny because I sort clothes out onto the bed precisely because it forces me to put them away or in a bag by the door for the charity shop before I can go to bed. YABU to expect your partner to move it off the bed each night and then back onto the bed again the next day.

Yeah yabu. I would really fuxked off if dp kept starting jobs, not finishing them and leaving them so I just cant get into bed.

The office might be different. Are some of the things in there yours and is it a shared room or actually his office?

How does this happen? surely you just take one section or drawer out at a time to sort, put all straight away or in charity bags, before you start on the next lot

Yes, YABU. If I were your OH I think I would be very tempted to shove the whole lot in a bin bag and chuck them out. It would drive me insane and I am not a very tidy person. There are limits to everyone's endurance.

Is it the same clothes he keeps having to move? Surely it wouldn’t take that long
For you to sort. I would be peed off too.

Yabu I would hate this. I would be annoyed to come to bed and find stuff all over

The time you have taken to type and then respond to replies on this post, you could have sorted a bag for the charity shop or clothes bank or whatever.

I came on to say yanbu because I leave everyones clothes on my bed to put away, then they forget to collect them and dh piles 3 piles onto my ironing pile instead of taking them to dcs rooms which annoys me immensely.

But the same pile of clothes taken out for sorting then left would drive me insane. If I were your dp I would take a bin liner up with me and dump them in there every single time. It's really not on to clutter someone's living space like this, home should be a sanctuary, especially your bed and 'stuff' everywhere would drive me up the wall.

Sorry, but I am afraid I too would be majorly pissed off with you.

Just get on with the job. Your partner has a good point.

You are a hoarder and a procrastinator, the worst combination!

Yes YABU but you just don’t understand it fully as you have a hoarder’s brain that makes that stuff more important than your husband wanting to go to bed without it becoming a mammoth task.

I don’t blame him. If you start having a clear out, do it in stages that you can finish each day rather than lots of unfinished piles. It would drive me bonkers and he seems to be completely/excessively reasonable about it.
Don’t buy stuff without using a one item in so one item out rule.

I actually think that's disrespectful to leave clothes on the bed that he has to deal with in order to be able to sleep.

Make time to sort it once and for all. Pencil out a whole day. Get some snacks, music, drink. Hide yourself away in the room and sort it. Anything that doesn't fit into drawers, cupboards etc has to go. Then bag it up and take it to charity shop the same day. Don't pile it for 'later'.

Reward yourself with a takeaway.

YABU. I have a bedroom to myself and I do the same thing as you but invariably get side tracked so the stuff is still there when I go to bed, it's very annoying.

Dont leave things on the bed when you know someone will soon want to sleep in it. Yabu.

Fine to sort clothes on the bed.

Not fine to leave them there with the job half done.

You need to take a more sensible approach to this. Take one bag, sort one bag, take the next bag, sort that bag. When time is nearly up - don't open yet another bag! Factor in time for clearing up. Make sure you put the items you are keeping away, and the things to charity etc on the same day (or at least bagged up in the boot of the car for the next trip to town). Don't leave stuff laying around.

It would drive me loopy living with someone who can't tidy up after themselves.

ds4 [18] is like this, a hoarder and a procrastinator it has to be confined to his room though, it's like something out of 'steptoe and son'. he knows better than to try and inflict it on the rest of the household though - see it, sort it or it goes to charity or in the bin regardless.

God this would drive me mad. What are you getting side tracked with? Why can't you just do say 10 items at a time? How can your clothes be 'too good for the charity shop'?

You need to find a different place to do it, or do less at a time so it can be cleared away before going to bed. It's unreasonable to take over a piece of essential furniture - it's not like he can sleep elsewhere.

I agree Marie Kondo would be good for you.

Try to eliminate getting sidetracked. Start sorting when you know you can devote say, an hour, to get things put into appropriate bags, cupboards, etc. Then move off the bed and to their 'final destination' so that that session is completed properly.
I understand how annoying lack of storage can be. I downsized and have fewer cupboards and it can seem like an uphill task.

Just sort it-get off mumsnet and do it!

I would have to try to get into bed because my DH had left clothes there and then walked off and not finished sorting them.