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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Overreacting or bu?

48 replies

Wejustdontknow · 01/07/2019 20:09

Yesterday me, dp and 2 ds’s went to the pub for the afternoon with 2 other couples.
Dp went in rounds for drinks with the 2 other men. When it was his round he would go to the bar and buy 3 pints. Both other men would ask if anyone else wanted a drink when it was their round. For five hours dp only bought his own drinks and I had to go to the bar for my own and the kids drinks. I don’t mind buying my own drinks but it was the lack of even asking that I just felt was really disrespectful to me. One of the couples have recently split up and her ex still had the manners to offer her a drink each time he got up.
At 12 I bought the kids a sandwich each for lunch and as we were still out at 5 I said he should order them some dinner, he had drank quite a lot by this point which is not something he normally does and he said quite loudly that they didn’t need to eat again as we only have one meal on a Sunday, this is true when at home as we would have a large Sunday roast around 2:30 then just a snack later if we felt hungry but as they had only had sandwiches for lunch they definitely needed a dinner.
I had had enough by this point so took the kids home for dinner leaving dp in the pub. I heard him come home at 9pm and throw up in the kitchen sink. He didn’t come to bed and slept on the sofa.
This morning I expected him to apologise, I honestly thought he had acted like he was a single man out with his mates rather than with his partner and kids but instead we have spent the whole day in silence.
AIBU in thinking he was rude to me or did I overreact by coming home with the kids and leaving him at the pub?

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/07/2019 20:10

He was rude and thoughtless. You did the right thing by taking the children home.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 01/07/2019 20:12

How old are your DC that you can take them to the pub all day, were they not bored out of their skulls?

Nothingsuitsmelikeasuit · 01/07/2019 20:12

Fucking hell. I don’t know where to start. I think I’ll just say YANBU and leave it there!

herculepoirot2 · 01/07/2019 20:13
Flowers

I think he behaved really badly. I would be questioning this, whether this is his usual behaviour, or whether there is some other reason he was acting like this more suddenly.

Out of interest, do you have joint finances? Did you buy any drinks?

Yawninfinitum · 01/07/2019 20:14

He’s an arse

herculepoirot2 · 01/07/2019 20:14

Sorry, I mean, did you offer anyone else a drink?

Wejustdontknow · 01/07/2019 20:15

Thank you, I have spent the day questioning whether I am in the wrong as the silence is definitely both ways, I don’t expect a man to run around after me or anything like that but after 10 years together I am honestly shocked that he thought it was ok to not offer his partner or kids a drink when he was going to get one. I have spent the day wondering if I honestly want to stay in a relationship where he seems to have such poor feelings towards me

OP posts:
FenellaMaxwell · 01/07/2019 20:15

Are they his children?

Pa1oma · 01/07/2019 20:15

Well I don’t know where to begin. What do you think his thought process is here Wejust? Is there any thought process? How long have you been with him? Is he always this way?

What the hell is wrong with him?

EleanorReally · 01/07/2019 20:15

nasty sounding man op

Wejustdontknow · 01/07/2019 20:15

We have separate finances, I offered drinks to others when I went up and bought everything for the kids all day

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 01/07/2019 20:16

there is so much here

  1. Financial aspect he only bought himself drinks and was happy with them having just sandwiches
  2. He thought that it was ok for his kids to spend hours at the pub when he was getting drunk
  3. He was so drunk he threw up in the sink (and I bet didnt clean it)

And he hasnt apologised"

EleanorReally · 01/07/2019 20:16

did you not feel you could pointedly say anything??

Pa1oma · 01/07/2019 20:18

10 years!!! I thought you were going to say you’d just met him by accident.

He sounds unhinged in the extreme. And yes, of course he should get your drinks for you in a pub. Shameful.

Do you have separate finances even though you have kids as well?

Wejustdontknow · 01/07/2019 20:18

It is completely out of the blue to be honest, we have been together 10 years and although I think he can be a little tight with his money compared to me I would normally expect us to roughly take turns buying things when out, I want to blame it on alcohol but that doesn’t excuse him for the whole day as he didn’t offer me or the kids one single drink all day

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 01/07/2019 20:18

They’re his children?!

notlyndasnell · 01/07/2019 20:19

Wow, what the others said.
He was disrespectful towards you and, on top of that, left all the parenting to you. YANBU

boobirdblue · 01/07/2019 20:21

Total bloody tossed

Wejustdontknow · 01/07/2019 20:21

Yes I had ds1 when we first got together so already had a place of my own and all bills set up, when he moved in he just started giving me half each month and we have just kept it that way as we earn similar wages. I don’t think it was anything to do with money if I’m honest, it was more the disrespect that he just didn’t even think to offer. The first time he did it without asking me when he came back I pulled him up on not offering and he said he didn’t re-enlist I wanted one but then never asked again the whole afternoon.

OP posts:
boobirdblue · 01/07/2019 20:21

*tosser not tossed

Wejustdontknow · 01/07/2019 20:22

Youngest is his, we have been together since eldest was 3

OP posts:
Graphista · 01/07/2019 20:22

Both unreasonable for different things

Him for selfish thoughtless behaviour - regardless of whether they're his biological kids or not! And for being unapologetic for his behaviour.

You both for expecting kids to be stuck in a pub all day! How boring and miserable for them. I well remember such days thanks to alcoholic father and enabler mother.

You're right his attitude and behaviour was out of order and needs to not happen again. He also owes you and kids an apology

BishopofBathandWells · 01/07/2019 20:23

Sounds to me like he didn't want you there. Not buying you drinks was your cue to go home, in his mind. It's the sort of dick move my DP would've pulled back in the day.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 01/07/2019 20:24

Piss poor manners on your dp part. God knows what the other couples must have thought

Wejustdontknow · 01/07/2019 20:24

Have to say he did clean the sink, kids are 6 and 13, it was a lovely day and a family friendly pub. Other couples have kids of similar ages who all get along very well so they were happily playing on the park or football so that wasn’t an issue. It is not something we do frequently but it was one of the other men’s birthdays so we all arranged to meet up for the afternoon

OP posts: