AIBU to want a cohabitation agreement?

[therealmrsclooney]

I am divorced, have paid off my mortgage and my current partner has been living with me for 2 years. I don't charge him rent, but we split household bills 50/50 and have a joint account to cover food and entertainments. He lets out his house and is paying off the mortgage with the rental income.

We are renovating my house. I pay for all the materials and the labour, he does some minor stuff - mainly garden based - and gives me advice (he is a construction project manager). I have renovated several houses, so don't need a lot of advice.

He has been doing some landscaping for me in his free time. I wanted to get a professional in but he insisted he could save me money, enjoys working outside, wanted a project etc. It's quite a big project and his dad and sons have been involved for a few days here and there for the last couple of months. This weekend I was away and he and his son laid a lot of concrete foundations and played cricket, so he was knackered when I got back.

I got a bit of a cool reception from him, followed by messages this morning about how the project is costing him money, wear and tear on his car, he's having to pay his boys, it's wearing him out, and that he's adding value to my house. (Remember, I never asked him to undertake this project and in fact we had a row when I said I could get someone in.) I pointed out I have been paying for materials and paying some money to his boys when they help, cooking meals for his parents when they come and help out, and that if he feels he's out of pocket he should remember that he doesn't pay any rent so hopefully that [COLOSSAL] saving should mitigate any wear and tear on the car etc. I said I am happy for him not to pay rent on the understanding that he would not have any beneficial interest in the house in the event of a split or sale. He's gone very quiet since then (but he is at work).

I think we need to get a Cohabitation Agreement drawn up by a solicitor - though I have also read they're not legally enforceable. Any wise words/experience of this? Who is the CF here??

partner decided to start digging some foundations at 9pm, and put his pickaxe through the gas main. Luckily, we know exactly where the gas comes into the garden and could remove the housing and turn it off. I rang the gas emergency number and a gang of men arrived to sort it out at midnight, saying as they left that we would be getting a bill!

I'm beginning to understand why he lost a lot of money on a project last year and has a large debt to pay off! Schoolboy error - shouldn't happen in any well managed project. Of course if he was doing this work 'on the books', he would have insurance in place to cover it (and employer's insurance, in case anyone got injured at work), so you wouldn't pay the costs of fixing the gas main, or at least would get reimbursed.

It sounds as if bad luck follows him around - toxic divorce, can't pay for his own accommodation, instead of earning money from work he ends up in debt, etc..

I generally don't find that amount of bad luck believable. I think he's doing a number on you and I'd be very wary. You aren't asking the questions you should be asking and lending someone thousands while they are living with you free of charge isn't great. Daddy is still following him around looking out for him too! Nice that you provide his sons with employment as well as him with free housing, and he still thinks you owe him! Hopefully you have something in writing for the money you have lent him.

All very odd. If he has his own limited company, surely if the debt from the work last year was so large, it would have made more financial sense to wind up the company into voluntary liquidation, and start afresh. Landscaping companies wind up all the time. Or does he not work through a company? Have you done a search online on the business names he has used in the past? Isn't his car a company car or van with his business name on the side?

I cannot believe he sent you those messages after hitting the gas main and costing you to get it sorted late at night!

I have loaned him some money and he has been paying it back slowly but still owes me several thousand pounds. (I know, I know).

FFS! Sorry OP but this is all screaming cocklodger.

No, I would not be drawing up a cohabitation agreement. I would ask him to move out and then see just how keen he is to carry on dating you when his greedy feet aren't under your table.

Please tell me you have a written loan agreement in place?

I have a similar cohabitation arrangement which allowed DP to rent his house and buy another meaning he’ll be able to retire early.
I pay for all household and car expenses and we split entertainment costs. But.. we agreed a sum he pays monthly before he moved in to cover his share plus some nominal ( self respect) rent. This works well as I’m better off financially and means we can retire about the same time. He looks after the garden and pays for plants. I paid for the new patio last year as it benefits the value of my house. The house will be left in trust to my daughter if I die first and he will be allowed to live there. Definitely not on the deeds. He should pay some rent. We negotiated and increased DP’s contribution 2 years after he moved in . He’s still on a great deal. Are you on his deeds?

You need professional legal advice.

OP, before you agree to any Cohabitation Agreement - especially if they are not legally enforceable - you really need to get your own, separate, legal advice about the current situation. Getting to the position where you are mortgage free after a divorce and with a child cannot have been easy: you do need to protect your financial position, especially beating in mind the pointed comments from your DP's father about his will.

Whilst I'm sure his father wants to protect his son/his inheritance you should definitely not be thought of in the same boat as the ex-wife.

I'm also joining PP's hoping you have a proper, legal loan agreement in place for the money you lent your DP.

Take care OP.

Would love to know how this all panned out OP, any update? x

Hellish cheeky, hope you have something resolved soon OP