Is your partner addicted to their phone?

[AutumnApples]

My husband of 8 years is completely addicted to his phone. When we are home there is not a minute that he is not on his phone until he falls asleep in bed late at night.
At weekends and days off he can clock 14 hours a day usage easily.
I have talked to him about this and things will be better for a few days but then it's back to his 'normal'.
Conversation is drying up and I am becoming so resentful.
We're supposed to be starting a family this year but I now have no desire to do so.

It's so depressing to see people wasting their lives staring at a screen, especially when you love them so much. But I feel married to a shell right now and I honestly cannot see how that could change.

My own phone usage is very minimal, so at this point we're total opposites. I want to be engaging with him and having deep conversations, cuddles, cook together, eat together, walk together etc.

When I got married, losing my husband to a phone wasn't even a logical thought

I am very introverted so I'm all about space and pursuing my own entertainment alone which I do often.

Then that's it then. Your husband needs constant stimulation and since you're introverted, he's not going to get that from you. Unfortunately his phone has plugged the gap. Not blaming you just saying it's easy for the addiction to form.

I'm the addict in our relationship. I used to always chat away which my husband would moan about (i come from an extroverted family and had always lived with chatty and extroverted housemates until I moved in with my husband). I'm always on my phone these days because I just wanted stimulation that I wasn't getting from my husband. And now he looks back with rose tinted glasses on how we (I) used to talk all the time wishing it could be like that again.

Tbf I wish I could stop looking at my phone but I'm properly addicted and don't know how. There should be therapy for it.

@Redrupunzle getting a basic phone might be the way to go. Does he have whatsapp?

My dh is a fucker for sitting on his phone ! He's in a band and it's just constant chatting in the band WhatsApp, they're all men in their 40s and honestly they're like a bunch of teenage girls how much they talk on there. And when he's not on there it's music forums and eBay etc

14 hours use a day is horrific though Op

I bollocked my 13 year old when he had 5 hours average a day during half term and I thought that amount was bad!

There is a book called 'How to break up with your phone' by Catherine Price that really helped me. I got so much more done!

I am the addict in my relationship. However I wanted to break the addiction so my DP and I agreed some “house rules” to help me cut down and things are much better now. Our rules are:

1. No phones allowed in the bedroom (we charge them in the spare room overnight and have bought an alarm clock)
2. All meals are eaten together at the dining table and no phones are allowed at the table
3. We have a weekly “catch up” meeting every Sunday evening where we sort finances, diaries, social plans etc and no phones are allowed at that.

I also make a point to ask DP how his day was when he gets home (he does the same to me) and I outback my phone down for that conversation. I’m still on it the rest of the time but I think knowing that we have these pre-agreed phone-free periods helps DP to cope with that!

@Topsecretidentity his phone doesn't have WhatsApp however my phone allows a second download of it so I've got his account on my phone. It's only for his football group so it's not like he gets loads of messages but I tell him if there's any there and he can have a quick check

@PippiDeLena oooh I want that book

Have you sat him down and told him explicitly that his phone usage is making you unhappy to the extent that you're questioning the relationship? Does he know it's making you reluctant to TTC? If not he may not realise how bad things are from your point of view, he might think it's just a case of you finding it a bit annoying.

Phone addiction is real and affects everyone. I dread to think what the future holds for younger people who rarely seem to have a phone out of their hand. The need to be liked and validated is scary. We have had to give 3 verbal warnings to our new 20 year old member of staff for phone use when she should be working. She just keeps ignoring them and will be on a written warning shortly. Sad. Having said that I’m on mine more than 2 hrs a day

@Redrupunzle what basic phone did your DH get?

@Emmapeeler it's a really old Nokia. It's been in an old draw for years

How do people spend 14 hours a day on their phone? Seriously? what is he doing?

It sounds like you are totally incompatible.

I think you're asking the wrong set of people... we're all on our phones on Mumsnet instead of talking to our husbands

@RedSheep73

@sandragreen He reads so much stuff on history, the military, science. Plus a million Youtube videos. He is very smart and seems to have a need for information. Which is admirable for the most part.

The book mentioned previously (How to break up with your phone) is fantastic. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Maybe we are just too different now. I love him but I don't want to spend my life looking at the back of his phone.

I think you're asking the wrong set of people... we're all on our phones on Mumsnet instead of talking to our husbands

I'm not. I am a husband and don't even know where my phone is at the moment. I've had a smart phone since 2002 but never really caught the bug.

My thoughts are that the OP's husband obviously hasn't got enough man stuff to do.

@RedSheep73

@Littlehouse156 I think that too .

Just jumping on here to see if the situation with you husband has improved @AutumnApples?
I'm in the exact same situation with my husband right now. It's awful. He will spend every moment on it if he can and doesn't notice our 3 year old at all. He even comes home from work and sits in his van on the drive for 15 minutes before coming in the house. I wouldn't find it so bad if he were having an affair but he's not, he's ranting to others on Facebook about politics or watching Japanese anime 🤦🏻‍♀️ he's 33 and I really can't understand how these type of things are more important!
He won't do housework or DIY without having to be prompted. I work and look after our daughter, cook the meals and feel like I have a 33 year man child to car for too. It's getting me so down.
Please tell me you and your husband found a solution and things are rosey now??

Jumping on here to ask... Any updates from anyone whose husband improved? Newly married and already seriously concerned that I've married the wrong person due to his phone addiction...