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Original poster

Is your partner addicted to their phone?

45 replies

AutumnApples · 01/07/2019 12:08

My husband of 8 years is completely addicted to his phone. When we are home there is not a minute that he is not on his phone until he falls asleep in bed late at night.
At weekends and days off he can clock 14 hours a day usage easily.
I have talked to him about this and things will be better for a few days but then it's back to his 'normal'.
Conversation is drying up and I am becoming so resentful.
We're supposed to be starting a family this year but I now have no desire to do so.

It's so depressing to see people wasting their lives staring at a screen, especially when you love them so much. But I feel married to a shell right now and I honestly cannot see how that could change.

My own phone usage is very minimal, so at this point we're total opposites. I want to be engaging with him and having deep conversations, cuddles, cook together, eat together, walk together etc.

When I got married, losing my husband to a phone wasn't even a logical thought Confused

OP posts:
theWarOnPeace · 01/07/2019 12:18

I do think my DH is on his phone an excessive amount, as in he can’t be bored. So he doesn’t do stuff, will put the phone down around the kids and will talk and chat etc. As soon as there’s no other interaction, though, he gets the phone out. I find that wierd in itself.

I do find the whole world’s screen addiction really terrifying. We haven’t had them long enough to fully understand the effects, and even just anecdotally, it’s crippling people’s ability to interact and be present.

Tensixtysix · 01/07/2019 12:20

I go on my phone because my DH doesn't talk much at all and I can't stand it anymore. Gives me something to do.

TORDEVAN · 01/07/2019 12:25

Yes! My DH is like this, it's only become really bad since my DD was born. He has that blasted thing out the second he's sat down anywhere. He can't even spend 10 minutes in the kitchen without a video on it.

I had a word about it .... now he just whips out his hobby magazine instead and we get a similar level of non-engagement from him. I don't see it being long before we switch back to the phone :/ not sure what to do because I don't want to parent him about it!!!

MysweetAudrina · 01/07/2019 12:27

Not sure but I definitely am.

Original poster
AutumnApples · 01/07/2019 12:27

I love to just sit and think with my own thoughts. This is when I find solutions to problems or process the day etc. My hubby assumes I'm sad or worried if I'm just sitting there doing nothing. He doesn't understand why I would want to just sit and be. And I don't understand how he can stare at screen for 14 hours a day.

I'm literally longing for interaction. And I know it's not supposed to be this way.
I really don't think I can stay this unhappy for life. I can't accept that being on your phone every spare moment is the way it just is now. How depressing

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 01/07/2019 12:30

I’m the one addicted in my marriage.

Original poster
AutumnApples · 01/07/2019 12:30

@TORDEVAN Exactly, I'm not his parent I'm not going to nag and moan about it constantly. It's his choice if he wants that kind of life. I don't and so I guess I have a tough decision to make.

My instinct tells me a baby would make it much worse, not better. And I'm not prepared to take that risk.

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 01/07/2019 12:33

I’m the phone addict in my marriage. Why talk to DH when I can play Solitaire and read pointless Twitter posts?

Is what you want to talk about engaging him? This might seem harsh but, he could be bored

Passthecherrycoke · 01/07/2019 12:37

Tbh I agree namechangenugget im bored by the stuff my DH talks about. It takes him forever to get to the point and it’s all whinging. Feels like he just talks at me. I think maybe screens have affected all of us

Redrupunzle · 01/07/2019 12:38

My husband was horrendous. When I first met his 10 years ago he didn't have a smart phone and was never online. He's also bad for needing new phones as he's always losing his, he agreed his last smart phone would be his last and hed get a basic phone after. He's had it a few weeks now and things are so much better. He'll steal my phone when he needs the toilet which is fine but everyone in the house is much happier now. Even my 4yo used to shout at him to put it away after hed been ignoring her trying to talk to him

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 01/07/2019 12:42

I love to just sit and think with my own thoughts. This is when I find solutions to problems or process the day etc.

And some people don't 🤷🏼‍♀️. What would you like your husband to do instead?

I'm the addict in this marriage, 8hrs+ a day easily.

Original poster
AutumnApples · 01/07/2019 12:50

@MilkTwoSugarsThanks Maybe discuss the mundane problems with me? Like bills, budget, home repairs that need doing etc? I know it's boring but why should I be the only to sort everything out because he can't put his phone down for an hour to do so?

OP posts:
Bourbonbiccy · 01/07/2019 12:53

No we don't have our phones "on us" once my husband is back from work. They are in life in the kitchen if anyone important rings
We play with our son, have tea, chat about our day and just enjoy our family time really.

14 hours a day is definitely addicted, I wouldn't even know what to look at for 14 hours.
Do you not have a laugh together anymore. Sounds like he needs to put his phone down and be more engaging. You say you have nothing in common, could you both maybe start a hobby together at the weekend together, I think once you get out of the habit of spending time talking you can forget how to do it,

Bourbonbiccy · 01/07/2019 12:55

They are "on loud" in the kitchen that was supposed to say !!!

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 01/07/2019 12:58

Maybe discuss the mundane problems with me? Like bills, budget, home repairs that need doing etc?

And how much time does that need to take up on a daily basis? Realistically?

Original poster
AutumnApples · 01/07/2019 13:01

@Bourbonbiccy We do get on fantastically and when he isn't on his phone he is very loving, funny and engaging. He has a stressful job and this is how he unwinds, I get that. But it has become detrimental and compulsive. He seems to think that because we are together in the same room, it counts as 'engaging' and spending time together. But he doesn't understand that his phone use leaves me feeling ignored and not a priority. Being in the same room doesn't matter if there is no interaction.

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 01/07/2019 13:06

He seems to think that because we are together in the same room, it counts as 'engaging' and spending time together.

Then you need to offer an alternative. And talking about bills is not "down time".

Bourbonbiccy · 01/07/2019 13:06

@AutumnApples would he perhaps accept if you explained everything and then said maybe after an Hour an evening or a couple of hours at the weekend, then the phones go out of the room ?

Hugsandpastries · 01/07/2019 13:06

You need to find something to distract him. If you go for a day outside somewhere, like a walk somewhere pretty, you can have a chat and get away from the sofa n phone scenario. Did he have activities he used to enjoy which you could do together? At the cinema you could cuddle up together and if he tries to get his phone out he’ll soon get some popcorn thrown at him.

Unihorn · 01/07/2019 13:08

My husband is the same. His job means he can't have his phone on him either so he's obsessed as soon as he's home. And our poor daughters don't seem to be interesting enough Hmm

He plays two horrendously involved games as well that require you to do certain quests at certain times or some bullshit. I recently discovered that he actually spent a stupid amount of money buying "extras" for them too while I was stressing about budgeting. I'm currently trying to figure out how to address the situation.

Bloke23 · 01/07/2019 13:19

I was the same but with my pc(gaming). Found out my partner was pregnant back in February, I now only play on the PC on Sunday evening for 3 hours or of she is at work on a Saturday and Wednesday, once the baby is here gonna try and knock it all on the head.

Beesandcheese · 01/07/2019 13:24

Yes. I actually hate it now. My ex had a gaming addiction and when I met my husband I was delighted that he could talk and engage etc. But now he has changed and I can feel that my affection and respect for him are dying off daily. It is so sad, but I can only assume that it is actually me now. I am driving them to escapism! My mental health is starting to concern me. But only me, I have written down when he last asked me about how I am etc. So sad.

theruffles · 01/07/2019 13:40

My DH is like this to a point. He works quite a dull job where he gets left to his own devices and so he will spend time at work on his phone, playing games and browsing if not busy. He will be on it a lot at home too, which I don't mind too much. He engages fine with me and DD without and tends to use the phone once she's gone to bed. The only time I find it annoying and rude is when we're out for a meal/activity and he's sat at the table on his phone instead of talking to me properly.

BarbedBloom · 01/07/2019 13:50

I'm an introvert and there is only so much talking I can do. I used to be a bit like your husband, but now that I am home earlier than my husband I am happier to chat away when he does get back.

I would approach it as having so many hours phone free and do something as a couple instead, like watch a film etc. But I must admit, I couldn't sit there talking away all evening, every evening either as much as I love my husband. You do have to be responsible for your own entertainment as well and ensure you are also doing things he likes to do

Original poster
AutumnApples · 01/07/2019 15:21

@BarbedBloom I am very introverted so I'm all about space and pursuing my own entertainment alone which I do often.
No matter what anyone says, I can't get my head around the fact that 14 hours phone time every Sat/Sun is good for him or our rship. I'm not needy, I don't want to sit and talk for hours. At this point just being acknowledged would be nice.

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