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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to worry he can't catch yawns?

60 replies

crossyroadie · 01/07/2019 10:20

(Lighthearted. Kind of)

Ex-DP is admittedly very selfish: he's successful and has to be the best at everything he does which worked its way into our relationship, which became quite insidious and is why I ended it. He's seeking help for this and, while I'm pretty sure I don't want to be back in a relationship with him, we work well on a friendship level and I'm happy to support him through his therapy which can be quite grueling at times.

We went for a coffee over the weekend and I noticed something - he didn't catch my yawns, something I've read is a sign of a psychopath - www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/your-online-secrets/201508/why-psychopaths-are-immune-contagious-yawning

He protested it was because he'd napped that day and wasn't tired. I think it's because he totally lacks empathy.

AIBU to think he might have problems deeper than therapy if he can't catch yawns?

OP posts:
pinkstar01 · 01/07/2019 10:22
Hmm
sanityisamyth · 01/07/2019 10:25

WTF?!

ziggiestardust · 01/07/2019 10:25

I’ve heard this is a thing; but I wouldn’t set too much store by it OP. Definitely don’t go trying to diagnose him if you’re not a professional in this field.

Do you share children together? An ex is an ex for a reason. I wouldn’t go worrying too much over someone you don’t live with to be honest. Not your problem anymore.

crustycrab · 01/07/2019 10:25

Ltb

BiscuitDrama · 01/07/2019 10:26

Maybe he’s unobservant or has some autistic traits.

Letthemysterybe · 01/07/2019 10:26

So you had a go at him because he didn’t yawn? I think you’re the one with the problem.

Apolloanddaphne · 01/07/2019 10:27

Sounds a bit bonkers to me.

Original poster
crossyroadie · 01/07/2019 10:27

@ziggiestardust no kids and like I said, I don't have any desire to get back together with him. It was just interesting to me that one of the issues in our relationship was his complete lack of empathy and selfishness... and then I read this study

OP posts:
Original poster
crossyroadie · 01/07/2019 10:28

@Letthemysterybe I didn't have a go at him Hmm

OP posts:
InTheHeatofLisbon · 01/07/2019 10:28

I work with autistic young adults and some of my clients don't catch yawns. One of my 3 autistic kids doesn't either.

Luther said about Alice it was a sign of a psychopath. But I think it's dependent on other things too.

RantyAnty · 01/07/2019 10:29

I agree with not your problem anymore.

How does having a friendship with him benefit you?

user27495824 · 01/07/2019 10:29

No I think the OP means he didn't notice her yawning as a sign of her being bored by what he was saying. I only very recently realised this was a thing as are supposed to look out for when I was reading a list of autism symptoms. Maybe I am autistic. Personally I think yawning is a weirdly subtle passive agressive thing to do. I just tell my DO to get to the point. But maybe I am autistic.

NCforthis2019 · 01/07/2019 10:32

What the actual fuck?!! You think he’s a psychopath because he didn’t catch a yawn? You need to find a hobby or see someone. Why you’re trying to diagnose an ex is beyond me.

Original poster
crossyroadie · 01/07/2019 10:35

@NCforthis2019 no need to get so angry! I said lighthearted, I thought it was an interesting conversation to have

OP posts:
Original poster
crossyroadie · 01/07/2019 10:36

@RantyAnty I enjoy his company and like doing the same activities together

OP posts:
Original poster
crossyroadie · 01/07/2019 10:36

@InTheHeatofLisbon Interesting... thank-you for your insight

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 01/07/2019 10:38

he is your ex, you are his ex.
i yawned on a train once, and the three people, strangers, sitting opposite me, all yawned Grin

CmdrCressidaDuck · 01/07/2019 10:38

He might be diagnosable as one and he might not; does it really matter at this stage? And YABU to go around diagnosing or even suggesting major personality disorders on the basis of one conversation and a lightweight pop psych indicator. It take a bit more than that to have antisocial behaviour disorder ("psychopath" isn't a descriptor ever used in this country).

Lovestonap · 01/07/2019 10:39

I think this is interesting. Yawning is a social behaviour, so clearly will indicate a level of awareness and empathy as well as someone's individual level of fatigue.

EleanorReally · 01/07/2019 10:40

perhaps he just lacks empathy to you,
perhaps he yawned later

mynameiscalypso · 01/07/2019 10:44

I never yawn when DH yawns (mainly because I'm too busy getting annoyed by his performance yawning) so I thought there was no hope for me but reading this thread has made me yawn so maybe I'm not a psychopath after all!

Original poster
crossyroadie · 01/07/2019 10:55

@Lovestonap I find it interesting too - the study is fascinating

OP posts:
misskatamari · 01/07/2019 10:58

I catch yawns from just reading the bloody word, so am now yawning like crazy. Some people don't seem that affected by yawn catching though. Dh doesn't and he's lovely and not in anyway a psychopath :) He does find it hilarious to make me catch them tho, the sod

babysharkah · 01/07/2019 11:01

All this yawning talk is making me yawn.

BirthdayCakes · 01/07/2019 11:02

Oooh - I was (secretly) very worried about this with my DS1.. I still don't know what it means - if anything - but it does strike me as strange..

He seems unusually sensitive in other ways so not sure he's a psychopath or autistic