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Original poster

Is it too early for Christmas

32 replies

wetweather · 30/06/2019 21:13

Ok, I'm fully prepared that I am being unreasonable, just need a dose of salts.

Scenario / my parents every year go my sisters for Christmas. I've invited them to mine 10 years on a trot to be told "oh we have already arranged to go to DSIS". So I snuck in early early this year, to be told "oh we might be go abroad this year".

And I'm pissed, I feel a bit crappy, so as to not to drip feed. One Christmas they were last minute not well enough to go to DSIS, so I did meals on wheels on Christmas Day. I'm good enough for that, but not actual attendance. I do nice food, I have a nice home, a nice family. It just feels like a complete rejection as if we are not good enough.

It doesn't help that I don't get on with my DSIS, she just don't like the fact I was born.
She wanted to be an only child, and by parents going there every single year and refusing to go anywhere else, it feels like she is getting her wish of "only child".

So I am being over sensitive, am I being unreasonable, is what they do perfectly normal??

OP posts:
sueelleker · 30/06/2019 21:30

If they can't go to your DSIS this year, let them sort themselves out.

IncrediblySadToo · 30/06/2019 21:35

No, it’s not normal and it’s not nice
Personally I’d get on with making my own traditions and doing what we wanted to do and being relieved that we would never have to take their needs into account over Christmas. Princess Perfect can do that for ever more...

I’m dorry theyve been so hurtful x

Original poster
wetweather · 30/06/2019 21:39

We have our own traditions in my house, it's just that as the dcs are getting older / they are starting to notice & my DH finds it very strange. As we have his DPs ever other year. But other than Christmas my DPs are doting grandparents. It is very strange.

OP posts:
SlenderMansKnickers · 30/06/2019 21:44

I'd stop inviting them tbh, just wish them well and never do meals on wheels or any such thing again.
Absolutely make it clear that when they're old and in need of care, you'll remember all these snubs.

Original poster
wetweather · 30/06/2019 21:49

@SlenderMansKnickers ummmmm I already do it, I'm the one who lives nearest. I'm the one who does all the appointments, who does the out of hours pharmacy runs, who deals with anything that happens. I'm the one they call for anything local. My parents are already elderly. I'm a lot younger than my DSIS & I live down the road.

OP posts:
RunDeBumBum · 30/06/2019 21:51

I have the same with my in laws, who I get on with really well.

They always go to DH's sisters every single year, we're plucking up the courage to ask them to ours. DH is actually looking forward to his sister going nuclear - huge back story etc which I won't bore you with Wink

Buns to them OP it's a reflection on them, not you x

fairybeagle · 30/06/2019 21:52

I'm sorry you have to go through this OP. It must be really hurtful.
Might it be that because they live close to you they feel obliged (or want to as well) spend Christmas with your sister and choose it as a sort of tradition?
I still don't think that's ok and personally I would tell them how hurtful it is x

Original poster
wetweather · 30/06/2019 22:03

@fairybeagle it may well be. But I have told them previously that is it strange for them to go there every year and tried to explain that is upsetting / but it gets glossed over. I want to stop asking them, and I don't want to fall out over it. But it does feel like a smite, I'm good enough for everything else, but not Christmas. It is a big day in our families, it is a big celebration. I just need to pull up my big girl pants and get over it. But I don't think they realise that my kids, the GCs they adore are also asking questions and find it a slight to them.

OP posts:
Original poster
wetweather · 30/06/2019 22:06

@RunDeBumBum is there a reason why they go every year? Or is it just habit, fear??

OP posts:
Freddiefox · 30/06/2019 22:16

It’s far to early for Christmas, but it’s not to early to tell your parents how you feel. Lit them on the dot and force an answer from them as to why they thinks it ok to not value you as much

Orangeballon · 30/06/2019 22:16

It’s not you it’s them, stop running after them, get on with your own life.

Original poster
wetweather · 30/06/2019 22:22

@Orangeballon has hit the nail on the head. I need to just deal with it as it, and get on with my own life. I won't shirk my responsibilities, but I do need to lower my expectations of my DPs, they are not going to change at their age.

OP posts:
Hassled · 30/06/2019 22:22

Have you had the "how do you think this makes me feel?" conversation? Because if not you really should. I'm guessing you're the low maintenance child and she's the one people tiptoe around to avoid upsetting - it seems weirdly common in families. I'd say don't take it personally - it's her, not you - but I know in your shoes I'd feel exactly as hurt as you do. It sucks.

StoneofDestiny · 30/06/2019 22:29

Perhaps as you see them more often and do the regular running about, seeing your DSIS is a treat or a break for them.
Either way - stop being so available and you might get appreciated (absence makes the heart grow fonder etc)

mummymayhem18 · 30/06/2019 22:42

I hate it when it seems like the parents show more time,affection,etc on another sibling. It's the same with my in laws. My sister in law can't do any wrong,is the golden girl and her children are the golden grandchildren. Like you my daughter notices these things now she's older. We are happy to do our own thing but you can't help but feel a bit resentful over it. Especially when you haven't done anything to warrant it. X

greeneyedlulu · 30/06/2019 23:05

Well the next time they ask for an errand to be done, ask if they have checked to see if your sister is available to do it.

Pipandmum · 30/06/2019 23:13

Don’t pussyfoot around. Sit them down and say you are hurt that they never come to Christmas at your house. Say your children wish they would come. Ask them if there’s a reason why. Don’t let them pass it off as no big deal, say you need to know.

Jeremybearimybaby · 01/07/2019 06:38

I'd stop being so available and accommodating for a start! Say no a few times, and don't feel obligated to do anything. After all, they don't feel obligated to you, do they? Flowers

AlwaysCheddar · 01/07/2019 06:53

Be prepared for them changing their mind about going away and instead they will go to your sisters. Not nice. Quite nasty in their part. Let them get in with it.

DonPablo · 01/07/2019 06:58

Can you imagine doing this to one of your children when they're adults?

So weird and horrible. I'd just be dead straight. Oh, so you never want to spend Christmas with me and my family but you'll have me run round after you for the rest of the year? Do you know how shitty that is? And how it makes me feel?

And if they gloss over it, you need to say another thing that gets me is that you won't even have a conversation with me about it!

Pharmacies will deliver now BTW op, I'd deffo get that set up and anything else like that that can be taken off your hands. Not because of all this but because you actually don't need to run around picking up prescriptions!

Flowers because it's very mean of them and your sister.

amicableAs · 01/07/2019 07:04

Honestly , if I were you I’d give up. They e clearly made their choice.
It’s their issue. You sound lovely but it’s probably time to accept that some parents are just petty and have favourites.

Try to focus on Xmas with your family and don’t even try with them anymore
Fwiw I am in similar position even down to the meals on wheels type scenario so I know the sort of piss faking behaviour you are dealing with. It’s hard but just know it’s them not you

Pinkfinkle · 01/07/2019 07:08

Strange behaviour but not something I would lose sleep over. I’ve made my own traditions with my family and never had relatives over on Christmas Day, a lot easier that way.

Bourbonbiccy · 01/07/2019 07:14

I wouldn't be less available through the year to let my elderly Parents struggle through the year because they don't come to my house at Christmas.
I would however explain the grandchildren would like to see them on Christmas Day. It is probably a good time for them to visit your sister as they don't see her as often. Do they stay over ? Is it that because your sister works, she has time off over Christmas so to make the further journey makes sense then .

EgremontRusset · 01/07/2019 07:16

They live near you, they are doting GPs who adore their GC, they see you more than they see your sister, and for ten years you’ve asked them so late about Christmas that they’ve already accepted a different invitation.

I’d imagine that they feel going to see the daughter they see less often, and at a time of year when they can stay for a few days and see more of her, just feels like more of a break and treat, and has become a habit. Maybe they haven’t noticed this habit, which I can easily see how it would arise naturally, is hurtful to you. My GPS were doting but their children were glad to get out of hosting sometimes - not everyone likes hosting Christmas and they may think, at least this is one way they can avoid imposing on you. It does sound like your relationship with your sister is colouring how you view your parents’ actions.

Maybe you could have a conversation that starts with how the GC would love to have them at Xmas, if they’re going away this year how about next year, how about starting to alternate.

BoogieNites · 01/07/2019 07:32

Next time they want you to take them to an appointment, just say you were thinking of 'going abroad' on that day

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