To never have been so angry with dh ever

[MsDevine89]

Dh and I work in interconnecting organisations. His is seen as sligjtly more "professional" than mine but i have worked hard to become one of the senior managers and dedicate alot of my time to work. He works his contract hours and does no extra time.

Tonight his brother asked if i could transfer to dh area as a manager would i...and dh said basically i wouldnt get the job because i dont have the nasic product knowledge of the role.

Now AIBU to think that a good manager is capable of picking up the relevant product knowledge of a LINKED organisation or industry? That maybe the only reason this dept has had internal promotion previously is because noone external wanted to go for it?
Basially i feel very annoyed with dh that i have worked so hard in my industry to get where i am and hes basically saying i wouldnt be considered in his department for a role where my skills are trasferable. I feel a bit like whats the point in working so hard with young kids when my husband even doesnt have faith in me. Am I over reacting ppease help

Yes, yabu and are completely overreacting.

Surely he would be more likely to know what his organisation look for in a manager?

IME product knowledge is massively important and in some areas more important than genetic ‘mamagement’ skills which can always be learnt or developed by an existing SME within the company.

generic management skills

It's a bit of a non situation though isn't it so yabu for being the angriest you've ever been

Thanks @caravan your helping me put things in perspective
We work for pretty much the same organisation think one of us is in banking under the same title and one insurance. But i suppose they could be looking for different things

It depends on the specifics. He could have a very valid point or he could just be putting you down.

@PutyourtoponTrevor its more about his opinion or belief in me if you see what i mean?i get its hypothetical but just how dismissive he was that i wasnt good enough really riled me

I can see why you might disagree with him, or have a different viewpoint, but.. The angriest you've EVER been?! Seems a bit OTT... Is there more to this?

A good manager in A can't always be a good manager in B.
Product knowledge is very important and yes, this can be learnt, no one wants to have to basically train or teach their manager what they consider to be the basics.

I think YABU and overreacting.

@LemonSqueezy0 we have been arguing more than normal recently maybe this is just the last straw in a way. We argued yesterday that i always feel like the bad guy because whenever we fall out he seems to have the upper hand eveb though i may think about it later and think hold on...that was pretty mean what you said...

YANBU. A good manager is a good manger. I come from a very complex organisation and I have seen people jumping from one role into another with a great success. It is possible and highly depends on the personality and your skills. I would be annoyed with DH for being so unsupportive and his negative thinking.

YAB a little U for taking it so personally when it sounds as though your DH was simply saying he doesn't think you'd be suitable to do X job in his exact company.

He wasn't saying you're not good or that you don't work hard, just that you're not right for that exact position. He also didn't say that you weren't good enough; you've put those words into this situation yourself.

I’d be furious because any talented worker is extremely adaptable in similar industries. He clearly doesn’t think you’re that great. If he’s threatened by you and wants to keep you where you are. Neither is good.

I see where he is coming from but my line manager, the finance director, his previous role was with a housing developer, now it is in a shipyard. He spent months learning everything about the company before he took on the role though.

YABU to be that angry.
It was a hypothetical question.
Move on.

I think you have to assume he knows more of the specifics about what his company/section is looking for than you do. But is it more a case that this is a tipping point - that he doesn't acknowledge how well you're doing and how hard you work? Does he feel threatened by your seniority?

Thanks everyone
Im really a balanced person and appreciate you saying i am bu and rethinking how i am feeling
It could be that he feels a bit threatened... and what hurts me is that i have always been 100%supportive to him. So when hes gone for a new role or promotion i have backed him so much. Wheras when i do i feel that hes just more liaise faire about it...

I probably am over reacting. He definitely will think so anyway!

It's pretty harsh for him to flat out say "you wouldn't get the job" I mean, yeah that's quite a put down. There are more tactful ways of saying what he thinks like "you might need to do a course" or "they don't tend to employ people from your area of expertise but no reason why you couldn't try" a million things he could have said that aren't so harsh.

But I think this is about more than this one comment.

So when hes gone for a new role or promotion i have backed him so much

This is completely different it's a hypothetical question about you going into a different career from his brother.

Does he support you when you have gone for promotion? Does he basically support you in your own career?
Do you feel he undermines you generally?

I know what you mean, especially if it was said harshly in tone, But you are being a bit unreasonable.
I’ve made that jump, and it’s damn hard without the product knowledge. You aren’t operating on the same level as everyone else if you don’t know all the ‘technical’ details. Sure you can learn it, but it’s tough.

But there's a way of saying these things. He could have said, you have lots of skills and experience but gaining the necessary product experience might be difficult. Or something like that. Not just saying "of course she couldn't do it". That would really piss me off too. It's rude and belittling.

YABU, is he not allowed to say something you don't want to hear. l have a friend who asks people's opinions then gets angry as it's not the 'correct' response.

Sounds like you've been feeling undermined for a bit now, and sometimes it comes out over the weirdest things. In general, do you feel like he supports you, believes in you, thinks you are a good person? Do you think those things of him? If he's been plugging away at you, consciously or unconsciously, your self esteem might be damaged and this is how it has manifested.

I used to work in IT for a multi-national company.

The IT manager for our country (big bucks job) was a former social worker with an MBA.

Lovely guy, really personable.

Knew literally nothing about IT.

Picked a random guy in the IT dept and listened to every word he said, because “Mark knows what he’s talking about”. Mark (changed name) actually didn’t, no degree in computer science, had his own way of doing things on his own whim, no idea of change management.

So neither did IT manager.

So we had entire remote sites locked out of things because Mark had decided he was sick of their “callous disregard of proper filing”.

We had entire sites not getting backed up because Mark said they hadn’t filled in the correct form (in English where English wasn’t their native language) to specify daily back ups.

We had Mark refusing to “work with the help desk” because “ we work in an open plan office and they are on the phone all the time”.

And Social Worker manager gave credence to all of this because “Mark knows what he is talking about”.

No, you cannot just assume that as someone is a “manager” or a “leader” that you can drop them into a specific role and they can “manage” or “lead” that dept.

Only you know if he really supports you
And if you’re starting this thread I fear the answer.
Most people wouldn’t get so upset about one “jokey” comment. If it was jokey

What DpWm said.

You aren't going for a new role or promotion.
You were such having a theoretical chat with his brother.

He holds a different opinion from yours about how important product knowledge is. Now, I can't answer that for banking or insurance, but I can tell you by far and away the worst manager I have worked under is someone who had barely done the role of the people she was managing. It showed. It was obvious because of the poor decisions she made and the way she changed things / introduced things she was changing. I, therefore would start from his thinking too.
Doesn't really matter if he is right or wrong though - he is expressing an opinion about whether a good manager without the product knowledge could come in and do a good job managing in his workplace, and he thinks no. He isn't undermining you or not being supportinve, he is talking in a theoretical discussion.