To want to skip to IVF after 3 months TTC?

[HelloKitty76]

I know 3 months is nothing but I'm 37 and so worried about the bio clock. If we don't conceive soon there may well not be time left for another.

We would fund it ourselves obviously. Yet would a clinic be prepared to treat us after only 3 months trying do you think? Would they think we were being ridiculous?

Give it at least 6 mth before you consider IVF or any other treatments.

Sorry not an expert, but have you added acupuncture or any other complementary treatments into your current plan first? I wouldn't worry about a second child at this stage - that's just added pressure.

www.hfea.gov.uk/choose-a-clinic/
please view your chosen clinic on this website which is more - neutral , shall we say? - than the clinics own estimation of success -

Yabu it's barely been any time. It took me 6 months after coming off pill age 29 to get pregnant with no fertility issues. Other parents my age said it took them longer. There's a lot of stories where people conceive once they relax and stop trying...

The stats your clinic are giving are not that accurate. 5% of IVF cycles give embryos to freeze, so they are definitely overpromising on that. Also it is unethical for them to be offering you IVF in the absence of an infertility diagnosis or a decent amount of time trying.
In a healthy couple, an IVF cycle is no more successful than trying naturally. It costs a lot though. Once you are doing IVF it is very hard to get off the merry go round so I would recommend waiting until 6 months minimum.
I've had 3 fresh IVF cycles and two frozen and know a lot about the process. And there are a lot of unethical bullshitters operating in this space. Took me 4 years to have my baby so I know the anxiety of waiting.

What did the fertility tests say?

Are you charting, tracking ovulation ect? I'm assuming you are tbh.

Website called Fertility Friend is good for assisting with that.

It took me 16 months to conceive and I was 24 I think they say on average it takes 12 months so I would wait a little longer I know it's frustrating. My best friend had ivf and it definitely isn't the easy option. Good luck!

IVF is not necessarily faster and it's massively invasive. Might depend on what form of it you need to take, but in my case they put me on anti-fertility pills to bring about a fake menopause so I had a baseline fertility from which to start their procedure. Then the drugs were too weak so they upped them, then they were too strong so I came off them and we had to pause for several months and start again. It took five years. Shagging is an awful lot more fun if there's any chance you can get pregnant that way!

3 months is nothing and 37 is not panic stations time.

I had a baby via IVF this year. We did IVF because we are a same sex couple. There is nothing "wrong" with either of us, fertility-wise, and my DW (whose eggs we used) was only 33 when we started, so eggs were good quality and plentiful. Nevertheless it took 2 fresh and 2 FET cycles before we got our BFP, and - allowing for the gaps between those cycles that we had to have (clinic imposed), the whole process took nearly 2 years.

It would be a lot easier to keep having sex regularly every month and consider IVF if you still aren't pregnant after a year of trying.

I wouldn't base any decisions on wanting another. You have no idea if you'll actually want a second until you have a first and especially following the trauma of ivf you might decide not to go there again.

You're trying to run before you can walk; Give yourselves a chance at just having one the easy way first. Try and enjoy it too. Making babies shouldn't be about tests and interventions unless necessary. You're making it way too stressful.

I'm already having acupuncture and tracking my cycles, yes. Our bathroom bin is full to bursting with those smiley face sticks.

I know they are not for everyone but we tried for 6 years and then I read about Softcups to help the sperm stay inside the cervix. We conceived on the second try!!

I don't blame you. I knew in my gut after 6 months of trying something was wrong. I was 35 at the time. Nhs says to wait 2 years and if nothing happens to seek help. I sought help after a year but said we'd been trying for longer. Lots of tests later and several failed fertility treatments I finally got my dd at age 39.

I say start the investigations. If it's nhs you'll be 40 by the time all the tests are done so sooner you start the better

Ivf is not easy. You need the mental fortitude to keep going when all feels lost. do your research and make sure you're prepared before you go down that road

3 months really is no time at all when TTC. My first two pregnancies I conceived with 6 weeks at age 35 and 36 and I turned 40 in Dec and it took me 4 months and I know I'm one of the extremely lucky ones. My best friend has just been through ivf and it has been a really really tough experience for her and her partner, financially, physically and emotionally. I genuinely would give yourself a year, you are still quite young that you have a lot of time left. If you've had all the fertility testing done and all is fine then time to start using ovulation kits, tracking your cycle and dtd every two days during your fertile time.

My ovulation was much earlier than I thought and instead of day 14 I'm around day 9/10 So I never would have gotten pregnant if I concentrated on day 14.

Give yourself some time before adding any more pressure and stress.

It's tough but three months really is no time at all. I was 32 and conceived on cycle 5, and I felt that was entirely within the realms of normal. IVF is quite invasive and stressful, as well as expensive, so I think I'd rather give natural conception a proper go first, even if just for another three or four months. That isn't long in the grand scheme of things

This is ridiculous. Your clinic is preying on your vulnerability. IVF is incredibly unpleasant. It's something you do if you must. It's not a Plan A.

Took me six months to conceive dd2 when I was 21.

I’d give it at least a year before I went down the IVF route, it doesn’t sound like the easy option.

There's a lot of stories where people conceive once they relax and stop trying

Aaaand out comes the patronising fertility advice.

@HelloKitty76

Perhaps I can offer some perspective:
We ttc for 3 years before starting IVF. I can see why it’s tempting to move and it’s so hard when month on month you’re not falling pregnant.

If you’re paying for it yourself the clinic won’t care how long you have been ttc for. Each ‘round’ roughly costs £8k - £10k plus £1500-£2000 on drugs. That’s assuming you don’t need more specialised procedures like ICSI or sperm retrieval. Costs aside the effects of IVF are fucking HUGE! I cannot reiterate this enough.

Be prepared for needles - lots of them. I’m 100+ needles in and I haven’t even had a transfer yet. The way it messes up your body makes you feel and the emotional rollercoaster is huge.

The procedure itself to remove your eggs is rough. Needle passed through the wall of your uterus and your ovaries pierced several times over and over to retrieve your eggs. Then the pain after is grim. Then you hope to god the fertilise. Then you hope they make it to blastocyst stage to transfer. Then you hope to go you can feel better after your eggs being retrieve. It’s endless.

The clinic that said 46% at your age are ‘statistically speaking’ telling lies. Here’s some stats for you that can be found on the hfea website:
Only 60% of your eggs retrieved will fertilise.

Of those 60% fertilised only 50% will go on to develop normally to blast stage.
At transfer with the perfect egg fertilised you only have a 23% chance of it working. This is all assuming perfect ages/weight/health/fertility of the couple.

After the age of 35 a woman’s amh level significantly declines which is an indication of how fertile they are and how good quality the eggs are.

As a minimum you need to have a full hormone profile done including amh and a follicle count. And your partners needs a sperm analysis done to see where you stand and to see how many ‘extras’ you need for ivf.

Please don’t assume ivf is a fast track way to have a baby. It’s REALLY REALY BLOODY HARD.

I wish you luck on your ‘journey’

One of the issues with IVF is that the process takes a long time, and in that time you take drugs which will prevent you from conceiving naturally. You could end up spending about 3 months on a treatment cycle, costing thousands of pounds, not getting pregnant , and wasting 3 months of your time .

3 months is nothing! Guideline is 6 months trying over 35 before referral to clinic or a year if under 35. We tried for 2.5 years before turning to IVF and very luckily, it worked first time (with embryos to freeze) and that was age 24 and 25. We also self funded.

IVF really isn’t the easy route. It’s emotionally and physically taxing, can have a huge impact on relationships and with the best will in the world, fails more often than people like to think it does.

Oh, and it costs a shit ton too!

Excellent post from whatelsecouldibecalled, condensing IVF into a short summary

There’s no need to panic. It’s hardly been any time at all.

Give it six months at least then see your GP.

You can go to self fund whenever you want. Even straight away. Though tbh OP the stress and bollocks of IVF isn't worth it in my experience. For a 22% (less for your age) chance of a pregnancy (not even live birth %) and the damage it does to you, your relationship and family...

It really is not worth it and is not the saviour it is marketed as. You will be anywhere from £5k-£250k in the hole by the end of it with all the add on costs. Imagine the life that could give your existing family.