To want to win the lottery?

[PoppingOneOutIn2020]

Light hearted threads but I've just played about 6 lines on the set for life lottery.

Were expecting our first baby and I just keep imagining how comfortable we would be of we had 10k a month every day for 30 years! Even the 10k a month for 1 year would be a dream. We're not well off in the slightest, were barely comfortable, DP more comfortable than I am and I always wonder what it's like to have disposable income and to not have to worry about money.

We cant all get what we want, but for £9 I may aswell try! 😁😯

What would you do with 10k a month for 30 years?!

I think about this sooo often! I have it all planned out what I would do with my winnings. A lot of it is to buy a house and not have to rent then the rest is to help my parents retire comfortably. One day I hope 🤞

You're having a baby with your partner OP and he 'lends' you money!!!??

What the hell!! Why don't you have joint finances!!??
No way would I have even considered having a baby with someone who 'lends' me money!!

I really think you need to sort this OP and pronto!!!

@ChilliAndRiceIsVeryNice I know, we've been talking to through were just trying to come to some compromises.

I've always said I will pay him back what he lends me, it's not my money to have, he works hard for it and to just give it to me makes me feel like I'm scrounging off him which I really dont want to do!

We pay 50% each of all bills and mortgage payments regardless of income, which is fair.

He knows maternity is going to be a hard 9-12 months, and I'm hoping to go back to work as soon as I feel able. I want to be at home with baby for at least 6 months though, minimum. But I cant afford to not work. I'm lucky to have people and family in peace that means I dont have to pay much, if anything for childcare so that doesnt worry me too much.

As long as I can afford to feed, wash and care for baby then I'm doing ok, I'd just like to win the lottery and be doing better than ok!

Probably quite outing but I was part of a syndicate that won hugely.

I've always been brought up on 'if it's not my money to spend, take not my money to have'

If money wasnt gifted on birthdays and christmases I've never been 'given' money, by family or anyone else. I think that's why I dont feel like it's a massive problem that our finances are separate. I know that DP would help me put in anyway he can, he isn't loaded in the slightest but he can afford what we need and he still helps me out every so often when needed. I dont mind paying it back.

I'm sure if I was in a sticky situation he wouldnt accept me paying him back.

Is it just the done thing to have a joint account now? I'm only 23 so I've never lived with anyone but my mum before lol!

Pinkarsedfly..

Are you from a place beginning with M?

I'm sorry if I was blunt there but I can't even fathom your situation!

Being in a serious relationship and serious enough to be having a baby at that, living together too and painstakingly splitting everything down the middle, bills, mortgage etc despite what you earn

My and DH had completely joint finances as soon as we were serious in the relationship and he has always earned a lot more than me.

@Pinkarsedfly sorry, see above! Didnt tag lol.

If so we've probably crossed paths 😁

@ReturnofSaturn so, do you both just put all of your money onto one account, Bill's and all go out of?

What happen I'd you want to buy something for you, do you ask OH or just go out and buy it?

I have no idea how we would put all of our money into a pot and share

I've always said I will pay him back what he lends me, it's not my money to have, he works hard for it and to just give it to me makes me feel like I'm scrounging off him which I really dont want to do!

is he scrounging off you by renting our your uterus to grow his offspring?

We pay 50% each of all bills and mortgage payments regardless of income, which is fair.

That’s the opposite of fair if your incomes are very disproportionate! It leaves the wealthier partner with loads left each month while the other scrapes by trying to make ends meet.

He knows maternity is going to be a hard 9-12 months, and I'm hoping to go back to work as soon as I feel able.

He knows it’ll be a hard 9-12 months? Why, if he’s comfortably off financially? Why wouldn’t he be providing for his child and their mother while through no fault of your own you’re going to be off work?

As long as I can afford to feed, wash and care for baby then I'm doing ok,

Sorry OP I’ll leave it after this, but this is really aiming low. You shouldn’t be hoping to just be able to do the bare basics for your joint baby and struggling financially when he has money sat in the bank. I’m really worried for you, this isn’t normal at all. I’m worried if you’re with someone who would see the woman he loves and shares a life with struggling for money while he has excess. You’re supposed to be a team, a partnership. OH earns more than me and has therefore saved more over the past couple of years we’ve been saving for a house, we paid equally for the deposit but he has ten times left over what I have so he’s paying for the carpets, walls, furniture, everything. Because as he says, it’s our money, we’re about to be a family and his baby is currently growing inside me leaching all of my energy and resources. This is really concerning and I hope you find a way through this.

Popping, nope!

My next door neighbours won 100k on a scratch card a few years ago (we've since moved) - they were miserable bastards and I couldn't be happy for them (obviously very jealous too!) - I just wished it had gone to some nicer people!

The last paragraph hit me abir hard hes not a bad person in the slightest. He never moans about helping me out. I think we've both just been brought up to think that my money is what I have and his money is what he has. He would obviously definitely help with his baby too, he'd buy everything we need. Its just a hard thought that my maternity pay is almost exactly what I pay for mortgage, house and car bills so everything I will get will be gone in the dorat two days of every month.

I'll speak to him this evening about maybe opening a joint account, we've talked about it before but ended up with it not being much point as he lends me money anyway. I think we just need to get from "what's mine is mine" to "ours" before baby comes.

I can see why people think this is quite a big deal now, although it's never really crossed my mind before how one sided it really is.
How can I explain this to DP without making him feel bad, hes foinf to feel like he made me struggle along for the last 5 years

@Pinkarsedfly oh, congratulations to you anyhow!

Cab I ask what the first thing you did was when you woke up the following day? I canr imagine the excitement of winning letting me sleep, let alone waking up knowing I'm a 'millionaire' or equivalent!

I've always been brought up on 'if it's not my money to spend, take not my money to have'

Me too! I actually have only recently started to feel like I can be okay with the idea of ‘sharing money’ from him to me, it’s weird cos I’m a generous person and for example if he lost his job I’d absolutely feel honoured to take on the task of providing for us both, and if I were the higher earned I’d be more than happy splitting things fairly so I was contributing more. I realised I was being silly and letting my ego get in the way with the whole refusal to take anyone else’s money thing in a relationship. I’m still the same with anyone else, I would rather have dropped dead than accepted a loan or gift from family for our house and we bought it all on our own. But this is the most serious relationship I’ve been in (I’ve lived with partners before but this is the first time I’ve bought property with someone, let alone got pregnant) and it’s feeling more normal now that we will share. Not in sense where we have to have equal, I’m fine with him having bigger savings, as long as mine are sufficient if that makes sense. But definitely when I go on mat leave I would insist (I won’t have to as he agrees but if he didn’t) we shared his income so I’m not disadvantaged unable to go for lunch with friends and the baby while he gets to go out and work full time.

so, do you both just put all of your money onto one account, Bill's and all go out of?

Sorry I know I’m not Saturn but thought I’d answer too for more input. So far we’ve had one joint account for rent, bills and food, and each month we’ve both put an equal amount in there to cover our joint costs. And then sole savings and current spending accounts. He earned more than me until recently when I caught up, but only marginally so our input was equal. However when I go on mat leave we’ll flip it around so our entire salaries go into the joint account, we work out how much to leave in there for mortgage and bills and food, and then split the remainder equally to go into our own sole current and savings accounts.

I could stay at home and raise my daughter without worrying about money. My husband would still work as he loves his job. Then when my daughter started school I would start my own business to fill my days.

That sounds like a good idea, what you did during maternity and the joint account. I'll explain that to DP.

I'll have a chat with DP tonight. Hes very understanding. He mentioned the other say he feels like now we've been together for so many years, that he feels were more family than "boyfriend, girlfriend" he doesnt like the terms boyfriend and girlfriend as it sounds so teenager-y! He thinks of me as his family now. Maybe that's a good point to bring up when discussing our situation financially

Oh I’m sure he isn’t a bad person at all! You’re (both?) a bit younger than me (I’m early thirties) and in my mid to early twenties I probably wouldn’t have really thought this stuff through either. It probably hasn’t entered his mind as you’ve both just trundled along like this. If your mat pay is going to barely cover bills then yes, you absolutely need to sort this out ASAP, whether it’s a joint account where your total salaries are split equally or he sends you a decent chunk of cash every month that isn’t expected back. Just try bear in mind you deserve for your standard of living to be equal to his, not a few quid for treats.

You could just phrase it as you’ve been thinking about when baby comes and financially planning and have realised that as you’re going to be a family your current set up of 50/50 bills/rent and occasional loans isn’t gonna cut it without you essentially living in poverty. And that you propose starting to share your money together, not all in one big account (which leaves both of you vulnerable to the other one emptying it and bolting, it happens), but having a joint account where you both pay into and then immediately take equal money out. So you both have your own spending money, savings if possible, that can’t be touched. But you’re on equal footing.

Honestly, a reasonable man wouldn’t have an issue with that. I’d ask him to start doing it now seeing as baby is on the way and you’re going to incur extra costs he isn’t such as buying maternity clothes, vitamins etc. And just see what he says.

I even proposed the other day that maternity clothes come out of our shared money because the baby is equally ours so it’s fair that we both cover baby related costs, semi tongue in cheek but he was like ‘oh, of course, makes sense’. Probably won’t take him up on it but that’s the kind of mindset you both gotta have. We’ve kinda slipped into it comfortably now anyway, my pride at ‘allowing’ him to cover the furniture and carpets in our new home has ebbed away.

Btw, you mentioned how he works hard for his money, but I just want to say that so do you. The amount you both earn isn’t directly correlated to how hard you work or slack off at work. Dental nursing is a tough job, just not brilliantly paid. I’ve never worked as hard in my life as the minimum wage jobs I’ve had in retail, food service, delivery driving, factories etc.

Thank you, Chilli. For not being judgemental, and actually giving some really good advice! I know most MN's would be screaming "LTB" by now, but everybody's situation is different.

I really do need to win the lottery now!

You’re welcome! I felt bad for derailing your thread but I’m kinda glad I did a bit now as you’ve been so receptive and thought it through instead of just getting defensive :) come back and let us know how it goes!

Sorry OP, I know we are going off on a tangent, but it is really important that you think of yourselves as a unit, now you are a family.

What works for us is all money coming in to the house (so both salaries and Child benefit in our case - might also include tax crdits for some) goes into one account. Then all essentials are paid (mortgage, utilities, fuel, food, insurances etc), then some is put aside for the unpredictable essentials - MOT / car maintenance / white good or boiler breakdown type things - ; some for holidays; some for long term savings; some for joint expense that are irregular like birthday / Christmas / wedding presents etc; stuff for household maintenance - decorating, buying a lawnmower type things; then 10% for things you've forgotten.
Then,, after all that, what you think will be left, give you the amount you can split 50:50 for your "spends" - how you like to treat yourselves (gadgets, manicures, coffees out, magazines, hobbies, whatever) and if you buy each other presents and so forth.

x posted

I know how you feel OP. I can even tell you what x by how much my DP earns in comparison to me. I’m not that good at maths. He can buy anything he wants. Yet I even though I am comfortable realistically still worry everyday. How the other half(ves) live!

I believe winning the lottery would save my life. I used to be healthy, happy, fun - I was a competitive athlete. In 2008 I had a sports accident, and I completely tore several structures in my knee and never recovered. I had surgery, and it tore again shortly after. As a result of changed biomechanics, how I walk completely altered and I developed a problem with my foot (Morton's Neuromas - two) and it has felt like walking on glass. I've gone from a young, fit healthy and happy person who had everything to live for to just a shell of myself, sitting in my flat for 3 years I was pretty much housebound, just sat here each day, don't really know how I managed to carry on living independently to be perfectly honest.

If I won the lottery I would get the best healthcare money could buy in this country, I'd see the best experts, I'd do whatever it took to get my life back. I don't want to remember my life like this, I want to be running on the track with the wind in my hair like I used to. I want my life back.

I think about winning the lottery a lot.

@ChilliAndRiceIsVeryNice that was not the outcome I expected or wanted.

He said something along the lines of "well we canr have a joint account because you earn less, you would just be taking my money aswell as your own" "I have my my money and you have your money"

When I explained about paying 50% of the house Bill's when I get paid half of what he does or less, he said "well you live in the same house I do, we eat the same food and you use as much water and energy, do you not think it's fair to pay half?"

He did however say he will help me out wherever possible and I somt have to pay him back for what I borrow. But now I do just feel like I'm taking his money and feel like I cant just ask for money when I need it.

a little upset by his reaction but then again, it's how its always been so hes probably wondering why I want to all of a sudden have a joint account. Looks like things are staying as they are 🙈🙈