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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if I just need to relax about this? DC wanting to stay inside .

47 replies

SummerWoes · 30/06/2019 15:37

It’s a glorious day here . The sun is shining and lots of the neighbourhood children are in the street splashing in pools or riding bikes.

My 9 year old DTs are sat inside on iPads playing Roblox and it makes me feel very guilty.

I have tried to coax them out , even in to the garden but with no luck .

DH is getting annoyed at my need to be outside Blush

They do have ASD and we had a very busy day out at the seaside yesterday.

DH says it’s fine .

I’m looking out of the window longing for my boys to enjoy what the other children are enjoying .

We break up for the summer this week and I know it’s going to be a long battle of getting the boys out to do things.

They don’t enjoy parks or walks or going to the woods.

Any suggestions?

Am I expecting too much ; is a day out then a day in ok or should we be out every day?

OP posts:
Chipsahoy · 30/06/2019 15:39

There's a middle ground surely? Bit of screen time, bit of time outside. Picnics meals or outside for all meals for example. Maybe play a board game or cards after you eat. Football with them perhaps? Mine definitely play outside more if I play with them.
They also enjoy bike rides if we all go as a family.

CathScarlett · 30/06/2019 15:42

Would they still want to be inside if they weren't allowed their electronics? Do they want to be inside, or do they want to play their game?

I know people will disagree and say it's fine, but I do think it's healthy to spend a bit of time outside.

minisoksmakehardwork · 30/06/2019 15:42

If they have asd and were out all day yesterday, I'd be fine with cutting back and letting them stay in today. It sounds like they might be self regulating and enjoying some peace after a day full of sensory over load today. Whilst they may not have had meltdowns and what have you, it might have been very hard work for them to appear 'normal'.

Grasspigeons · 30/06/2019 15:45

If they have asd and went to the seaside, a rest day is fine. My son has asd and ive got better at planning rest days in to allow re-regulation

Pigpogtastic · 30/06/2019 15:46

I always have to plan rest days after my son with ASD has had a big day out. He really does need that time to recover, you'd not notice by looking at him how much the days out take out of him. But they really do.

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka · 30/06/2019 15:47

My youngest has ASD and ADHD. If he has a very busy day I try to make the day after one he can just chill out a bit because he needs that. He finds sensory overloads exhausting which is normal in the circumstances. Don’t get me wrong, I’d try and encourage him to go outside and enjoy the sunshine for a while as it’s here but no, no guilt from me that he tells me he wants some time inside by himself.

inwiththedragons · 30/06/2019 15:51

DS (ASD) has been flitting between indoors and outdoors today, as has older DS who is NT.

We went to the park for an hour this morning, ate lunch outside, they've played in the sprinkler for a bit...and they've watched couple of films. I think it's all about balance. As long as they're not barricaded inside all weekend staring at a screen then you're probably doing absolutely fine. And the fact you're asking the question means you care, which is always a good thing Grin

I'm the same as you, though. Paranoid about getting them out and in the fresh air. But sometimes kids just need to sit and chill and I'm trying to be more ok with that.

FloorOfDespair · 30/06/2019 15:52

I’m looking out of the window longing for my boys to enjoy what the other children are enjoying

But they won't, and may never do.

In the summer holidays, if we're at home mine have to:
go out and play for half an hour (as early as possible because it means there are fewer other children around therefore easier on my ASD child, plus not as hot)
read me a book
play nicely non-screen for half an hour
do some maths/drawing/piano/exercises
Help me with one job if I need help with the housework
Then they can have screen time.

Original poster
SummerWoes · 30/06/2019 15:52

Unfortunately with my DC there is no middle ground Grin

If they are told we aren’t heading out, they will stay inside all day .

OP posts:
FloorOfDespair · 30/06/2019 15:55

What do they enjoy outdoors?

Pigpogtastic · 30/06/2019 15:58

If you really want them to go out, if they've had a recovery day but you can't get them out the next, have you tried a visual timetable? They are a bit tedious to do, but I have found our days go better if we have one. You don't have to get too fancy, just a simple now/next/then would be fine. So it might be now you can watch some tv, next we will go to the park, then you can play with your Lego/Roblox/whatever. Show it to them the day before or in the morning so they know what they are going to do.

It may not make them magically want to go out, but I've found it makes mine a little more resigned to it. I'm starting to do longer ones for days out as again it really helps him enjoy the day more if he has that structure to hang it off.

JADS · 30/06/2019 16:03

YABU but it's understandble. They had a big day yesterday and they probably need a bit of down time.

I understand the feeling of wanting a child with ASD to just do standard things, but it's a fruitless hope really.

Mine tend to flit in and out of the house particularly in the morning when it's cooler. We also make sure ds with ASD goes out at least once a day as he loves the stimulation.

Parenting kids with ASD is hard. Cut yourself and them a bit of slack!

Di11y · 30/06/2019 16:03

Pokemon go...?

mollyblack · 30/06/2019 16:06

There is no extra need to go outside just cause the sun is out!

Chill days are good for everyone particularly asd kids.

I hate the arbitrary obsession with "enjoying the sunshine".

BettyJune07 · 30/06/2019 16:45

My 8 year old DTs are also on tablets playing roblox. We had a busy day yesterday, swimming then a funfair with family. It was so so hot here. We did get out round the fields with the dog this morning though when it was cooler.

I'm happy to let them chill inside today, also happy to chill inside myself today yesterdays 31 degrees have taken it out of us all a little bit I think!

Sunshine93 · 30/06/2019 16:52

They don't have to be outside. However will they be on ipads all day?

There are things they can do inside that are relaxing but don't involve screens e.g. reading, Lego, board game, jigsaw. Could you take them for a short walk and get them both a magazine to read?

We limit screens at the weekend to 1 hour on games console/iPad a weekend and one film or a bit of tv each day. This still could mean he has been looking at a screen for 2/3 hrs each day which is more than enough I would say.

What do they do for exercise? Could you get a rough timetable going of doing specific things on different days of the week e.g. Mondays walk to library and swap books, Tuesday swim, Wednesday ride bikes etc.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 30/06/2019 17:04

You may have to accept that they will never just take themselves outside and participate eagerly with the fun stuff the other kids are doing. I would still dig them out every day for a cycle, swim, parkrun, etc, even if they are not enthusiastic and it is the last thing you feel like doing.

Once they have fulfilled that, I would let them choose to stay indoors if they really wanted. You can insist on exercise, but you can't force anyone to have fun.

francienolan · 30/06/2019 17:10

I'm all for enjoying the sunshine, but we tend to have one 'fun' day that generally involves going outside someday, and one chill day each weekend. If I get tired enough after a week of work to need a chill day (and believe me, when we skip the chill day I do really feel it) I can understand how children would also need one. Someone else suggested eating outside, could you sit in the garden for lunch, or bbq for dinner maybe?

Original poster
SummerWoes · 30/06/2019 18:08

They do a sport together through the week (multiple times) so I’m not worried about it from an exercise point of view .

Visual timetable is a good idea for weekends.

I think I just feel we should be doing.

They don’t have screens all day , they do come off to do other things but they get bored quickly and ask for Roblox again .

They are terrible at finding stuff to entertain themselves .

When I say they won’t to outside , I mean they will not leave to go outside . At all.

They won’t put a foot out the door to put something in the outside bin because it’s outside!

They won’t go for walks because they don’t see the point in walking for the sake of it Hmm

It is a very stressful time getting them out of the house to do anything when they don’t want to go .

DT1 in particular has huge anxiety around leaving home and will meltdown for hours - if it’s something we have pre arranged with lots of planning and he doesn’t want to go .

It ruins the whole day and we end up coming home early .

I’m already getting wound up knowing they want to stay inside for the whole summer !

OP posts:
itscallednickingbentcoppers · 30/06/2019 18:18

If it's causing that much stress I wouldn't panic about getting them outside. I like DS to have 2-3 hours a day outside so after a big day out at the beach all day it wouldn't worry me if he sat in the next day because it all balances out.

I'd look at making your garden a more appealing place to be for them, ask them what they'd like in the garden and add in something like a willow dome that they can spend some time in privacy but still be outside in nature.

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 30/06/2019 18:23

From what you've described in don't think it's unreasonable for your kids to stay in today.

I do however think maybe you should go out for a walk or something! Assuming DH is inside watching the kids. That will probably make you feel less frustrated

Leeds2 · 30/06/2019 18:23

Tbh, I'd just let them be. They had a day out yesterday, are active throughout the week - I wouldn't worry about Sunday spent indoors.

Would they use a tent if you put one up during the summer? Sort of being inside whilst being outside! Or would they enjoy a BBQ in the evening, eaten outside as a family, when it isn't quite so hot?

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 30/06/2019 18:34

One of the main reasons I am so insistent on getting out of the house is that, if a child is bad at entertaining themself, time indoors invariably means hours and hours of screen time. Going out, regardless what you do, prevents that.

I think they would get plenty of downtime without an entire day indoors, personally, so I wouldn't be letting that pattern get established, especially if they tend to be reclusive.

TheCrowFromBelow · 30/06/2019 18:49

Can you make your garden more appealing for you, so you can sit outside whilst they are inside?
Can you make the walk have a purpose like walking to get milk, or walking to see how many birds you can hear/ different trees?
Would they try geocaching?
But tbh if they had a busy day yesterday then one whole day inside is fine. My two need this actually as there is quite a lot of pressure to be “on” all the time and sometimes a day inside not really speaking to anyone is just what they need.

Nousernameforme · 30/06/2019 18:49

In the holidays make a plan to get everyone up and out early most parks are opening gates between 7&8 am so get yourselves to one of those for opening time spend an hour or so there leave when it gets busy be home by 10. They've had some time outdoors you can relax a bit more about them being stuck in all day.

Do they have phones? Would something like Pokemon go or the new Harry potter game be of interest do you think? That might get them interested in going out more.