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AIBU?

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Original poster

To consider smashing his Xbox?

38 replies

Squirrelthingsaway · 30/06/2019 00:18

Just kidding, he loves that thing, but seriously - help!!

My partner is obsessed with his Xbox. So much that he doesn’t even seem to acknowledge that I’m talking to him while he’s on it. He lost his favourite game the other day and literally cried as if it was the end of the world.

He only wants to spend time with me if he gets sex as a result!

He plays that Xbox whenever he gets the chance for hours!

We used to have a happy relationship. I don’t want to leave him.

Can someone help?

OP posts:
Sunshine93 · 30/06/2019 00:24

can someone help?
there is one person who can help, him.

my advice: book a weekend away, next weekend if possible. On that weekend have a long chat about how you feel and what your issues are. Make some agreements going forward, make it clear you have reached crisis point and the x box might ruin your relationship
I hope he responds.

If you cant afford a weekend away why not agree a screen free weekend for romantic purposes? works in the same way.

OralBElectricToothbrush · 30/06/2019 00:27

Whatever you do, do not have kids with this guy. You're flogging a dead horse here. He won't spend time with you away from a fucking games console unless he gets sex? No idea why your bar is so low you find anything attractive about such an immature adult.

Storkbloom · 30/06/2019 00:32

I would cry if I lost my favourite game tbh - some games coat upwards of £60 and that's a lot to just misplace, particularly if you enjoy it.

The rest... Idk what to suggest, is there nothing you can do to coax him off, will he not go out with you and do something even if just going our for a walk and a chat? You need to tell him you feel second best to the XBox and that he might as well just start banging it because it already gets more attention than you. If he's not bothered about your feelings, leave.

Storkbloom · 30/06/2019 00:33

I'm so sorry I misread the won't spend time with you unless he gets sex - get out now!

Herbalteahippie · 30/06/2019 00:35

YANBU. Smash the flip out of it it’ll be so satisfying!

Sparklfairy · 30/06/2019 00:39

Storkbloom I read it as he was beaten by an opponent, rather than he mislaid the game. May be wrong though?

Ariadnewin · 30/06/2019 10:21

Storkbloom I read it as he was beaten by an opponent, rather than he mislaid the game. May be wrong though?

Makes sense! Probably is... I would have read it your way first time if it had said "lost at his favourite game" but the missing "at" took me to misplacing, I am probably wrong though!

BarbedBloom · 30/06/2019 10:25

My husband loves his ps4 but does more than 50/50 around the house and is more than happy to go out and leave it behind. The problem is that it doesn't sound like your partner is the same. You can discuss how you are feeling, plan together some weekends out doing things, but I also dated someone like your partner and he didn't want to change

purplelila2 · 30/06/2019 10:25

OP my husband can get like this and it pisses me off. Stop doing anything for him that enables him.

We've got 3 kids and the x box wasn't around/ wasnt into xbox 14 years ago

Kyogre · 30/06/2019 10:27

I don’t want to leave him

It’s up to you what you do but you need to give this a lot of thought. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who only interacts with you if there is sex involved and prefers his XBox to everything else. Why would you chose to make your life so difficult.

Are you planning to have kids with this man in the future? If so do you think it’s fair to chose someone like this as the father of your kids?

Wildorchidz · 30/06/2019 10:32

I don’t want to leave him.

Why not ?? What’s so great about an Xbox addict?
If it was alcohol or cocaine he was addicted to what would you do ?

pinkyredrose · 30/06/2019 10:36

Why don't you want to leave him? Your relationship sounds shit, he cares about the xbox more than you and only wants you for sex.

ChocolateTeardrops · 30/06/2019 10:41

Continual gaming was the death knell to my first marriage. If he wasn't playing it every spare chance he had, he left it droning away in the background -online so internet speeds were greatly reduced, everything was "in a minute, I'll just xyz" then 15/20 minutes later "ok DD what did you want?"

  • it's ok mummy got me a biscuit, took me to the loo, looked at my new painting, did my shoes up, read my story etc.

Never a thought to spending time with me, DD, or some housework, always grabbed his plate and ate at the computer, even during an anniversary meal he grabbed his glass of fizz and continued playing.

I warned him that the gaming was out of control but he ignored me. One time we had no computer so he found a gaming centre in town to continue playing.

I divorced him for unreasonable behaviour.

He told his friends that he had no idea what had come over me; he was perfectly happy in the marriage! Hmm

JacquesHammer · 30/06/2019 10:42

You haven’t got a console problem. You’ve got a partner problem.

He won’t change.

madcatladyforever · 30/06/2019 10:45

I'm afraid this obsession with computer games is the death of a marriage.
I'd leave a partner for behaving like this. And only giving you attention for sex. He'd never get sex again.
I think it's time for ultimatums, you can't smash his property.
But you can tell him you plan to leave as this isn't your idea of a relationship and see what he says.

madcatladyforever · 30/06/2019 10:46

Or just issue a divorce petition even if you don't intend going ahead with it citing unreasonable behaviour for those things.
You can do it online so it costs nothing. That should make him sit up.

Paddingtonthebear · 30/06/2019 10:48

Jesus, what is wrong with people Hmm

justilou1 · 30/06/2019 10:55

Can you get a divorce petition to come up when he signs into his x-box? (can see it now...)

Thelittleblackdog · 30/06/2019 10:56

Sit down and tell him how you feel, seriously. I did this, didn't work, was so unhappy and felt so alone as he never wanted to do anything other than play Call of Duty... So I LTB.

Never regretted it.

Very clear from the start of my relationship with DH that it was non-negotiable for me.

DH occasionally plays now with friends when I'm not there, but never when I'm home, and never online.

I'm not controlling in any way about it, he just knows what an issue it was for me before and doesn't want to make me feel that way because he isn't a selfish dick.

Don't put up with feeling second best to a console OP.

cranstonmanor · 30/06/2019 11:07

My DH games. However, he also takes time to talk to me, or watch bake off with me (that doesn't interest him at all) or goes shopping with me. When I talk to him, he stops his game (also online ones with friends, even if that means losing) and listens/talks back. He loves gaming, but he is adult enough to set priorities. The gaming isn't the issue here, the issue is that you are not on any priority list of this man.

Sofasurfingsally · 30/06/2019 11:24

The only person who can help you is you. Change your attitude to him. He thinks you are there for sex and housework.

Nanny0gg · 30/06/2019 11:27

He only wants to spend time with me if he gets sex as a result!

What a prince!

And they say romance is dead...

How long have you been with this loser and how old are you both?

Umbrellainthegarden · 30/06/2019 11:32

I am in love with my Switch. It gives me hours of pleasure and doesn’t nag me.
I wouldn’t recommend you smash his Xbox 😀 - that would achieve the exact opposite of what you’re hoping for.
Talk to him - when you manage to prise him away from it - and ask him to make some time for just the two of you.
If he won’t compromise - well then you have decisions to make.

NaviSprite · 30/06/2019 12:27

Too many man-children these days D:

I’m the gamer in our house, DH prefers reading. He could be such an arse if he were reading one of his many Star Trek books (which he has read through multiple times) and I dared to speak and it got to a point where he’d come in from work and open up his book straight away and snap at me if I spoke, even if it was to ask him if he fancied something to eat or drink - did my head in. So I got home early from work one day and put a lock on the door leading to the bookshelves (he has 500+ books so couldn’t hide them all) and when he got home that evening I told him precisely why, because I had to go that far just to get him to talk to me properly and not get noncommittal half listening (at best) or short shrift and snappy replies, or the worst completely ignored.

I don’t know why men get so encapsulated in a hobby that it negatively impacts life but I managed to get DH to understand that he wasn’t living on his own and I was his partner - not a sodding house mate with benefits! I gave him the ultimatum- said I don’t mind him wanting quiet time to read every now and again, but I didn’t want it to be every evening (unless he wanted to moan about work, he was all chatty then!) and certainly would not stand for being spoken to like I was a nuisance when he was engrossed in a book and I dare to speak. If he couldn’t change then I was leaving.

Thankfully he got the message. We have DC now and he’s barely got the time to read, we have evenings where he will and I’ll play on my PS4 (after our twins are asleep for the night and only for an hour or two before we go to sleep).

You need a serious conversation with your partner OP, even if you have to go to the extent of hiding his XBox just to get him to look at you! Good luck and I hope you get through to him.

OralBElectricToothbrush · 30/06/2019 14:20

DH has a PS4. I have hobbies, too. The point is that we both regulate ourselves so the hobbies don't take over our personal lives. That's what adults do. You are with a manchild. My son was like this about the PS4. He couldn't regulate himself with it (a common problem among some young people) so we got rid of his and locked up DH's and took him to therapy for addiction treatment. He will get one back, or any other games console, when he is out supporting himself because he will not be having one whilst I am slogging my guts out (I'm currently working abroad) to support him. Tough shit. If you want to wreck your life on games consoles, drugs, alcohol, whatever, you do it on your own money in this family.

Talking and begging and all that will achieve nothing.

This man sees your only redeeming value as a wank sock.